I’m probably being a prude but…

[Username73638]

…what is the deal with teenage girls running around basically naked these days?

Last week, I was driving down the road near a secondary school at letting out time and I must have seen about 5 girls’ actual bum cheeks as they were leaving school. Like, we all rolled our skirts up fairly short at school, but this was actually full knickers and bums on display… one girl was wearing a thong so it was just her whole bum on show.

Then, I was on the beach today (we live near the sea) with my two primary school aged sons and there were a group of maybe 13-14 year old girls, they were very young, more than half of whom were in thong bikinis. They spent most of the time on the beach doing a photoshoot, predominantly photos of them from behind looking out to sea, presumably for social media?!

I know teenagers have always been teenagers, but I’m pretty sure underage girls weren’t wearing thong bikinis on the beach when I was that age 😳

I could see other families on the beach felt uncomfortable with it too.

Do their parents know? Is this just how teenagers dress these days?

Exactly

"I can't tell mum I was groped (or worse) because she told me showing my knickers was bad and when I wore this skirt before she kept pointing out she could see my knickers"

But what are those societal expectations and what are they built on? If having your arse in show doesn’t matter, it’s just skin after all, and people should own any discomfort about a young girl wearing a super short skirt as internalised misogyny, and she can do everything she needs to in school without restriction, and some boys are going to letch at her regardless of what she wears, why does it matter?

Over 80% of females who report to family and friends are blamed. That is a shocking statistic nationally and it comes from this attitude. We'd have a lot more reporting if they knew it wasn't their fault but sadly most are brought up being taught it is their fault.

Shame no one holds boys to account. No wonder we have a huge issue with sex offenders when they are empowered by society because 'boys will be boys, right'?

I have no idea how you got that from what I wrote.

When exactly did a mid thigh length skirt become the equivalent of a nun’s habit for young girls?

It isn’t, and if you look back at my posts you’ll see that I don’t think young teenagers shouldn’t be showing their arses at school or anywhere else for that matter.

Other posters are saying it makes no difference what kids wear, I’m just pointing out the flaw in that argument. If what you wear has no bearing on people’s reaction to you, the amount of harassment you might face etc etc why would you direct your child to wear a mid thigh length skirt to school?

I feel pretty torn on this issue. I admire the confidence some girls and young women seem to have nowadays.

Equally, I did feel uncomfortable the other day when a girl walked past me, on her own, in school uniform skirt rolled up so high that her entire backside was on show. It just struck me how incredibly vulnerable she seemed.

We're mostly talking about what we as parents should teach our children. I don't have any power over all the boys in the world. I can just control what I teach my kids.

I will tell them that the world can be a dangerous place with dangerous people in it. I will also say that anyone with a smartphone can take pictures and videos of you without your consent. That while they're still young (like the 13 y olds a lot of posters are mentioning), I as their parent will put rules in place to keep them as safe as I can. When they're older they will set their own rules. I will tell them to not be in a rush to grow up, that they'll have decades and decades of being an adult and making their own choices.

I will also of course tell them that if anyone hurts them it's never their fault. There is never an excuse for harassment. But just like we teach kids to not talk to strangers or to keep their wallets safely in their bags etc, we can teach them strategies to keep themselves just a bit safer.

Yeah and it is sad that some are teaching girls it is their fault and they are responsible for not getting attacked and that something like fabric will prevent it.

Sad that if we say that a short skirt will cause danger then that teaches kids that they are to blame.

Are you teaching your child never to be in a relationship as that is the strategy that will keep her safer as most harm comes within the home from partners? If not, why not? 51% of females are attacked when asleep so maybe tell her not to sleep.

If someone wants to harm her then they will even if her skirt is long and her purse is inside her bag! Doing those things will not keep her safer.

I’m in my 40s now, but as kids mum (now deceased) taught us that there was nothing wrong or rude about bodies, bodies were nice, but beware of bad people.

Slight deviation from the thread but she also taught us that if something wasn’t making you feel nice, stop doing it.

l was lucky, she was the one that my friends turned to when they had problems discussing things with their own parents.

Comments are more likely to be made to a female person in the street with a bare arse than one without. It's ridiculous and disingenuous to pretend otherwise. As while all women and girls are subject to unwanted attention regardless of clothing, I'm sure no one believes the reaction to a bare arse would be the same as to a clothed one.
Acknowledging that basic truth is not victim blaming, its a preemptive warning. In much the same way as advising your friend not to go jogging by the canal because there's been a serise of assaults, is not blaming the victims for walking by the canal.

I doubt whether any parent on here is comfortable with their offspring putting their backsides and genitalia on show! It’s not a rite of passage, a generational thing or rebellion, it’s indecent and offensive.

Please stop twisting it. People are categorically NOT telling their daughters that it's their fault if they are attacked or that they will never be attacked if they wear certain clothes. No one but you has said anything like that. All people are doing is advising their daughters about the world and the sorts of things that can happen. To use a different example, would you not advise your daughter to use a reputable taxi company rather than get in a car with a strange man? If you did, are you blaming victims who have been attacked after accepting lifts from men they didn't know? Or are you simply fulfilling your responsibility to warn your child about the world?

You live on another planet if you think keeping your wallet/phone carefully zipped away in a bag is just as risky as having it out in the open for anyone to grab.

I wonder if you lock your front door at all or do you leave it wide open all night? And if you lock it, why? When according to you there's nothing we can do to stop someone attacking/stealing from/hurting us.

Personally I think there's plenty we can do, starting with being careful who we let close to us. I will certainly be teaching my children about the red flags in relationships and to always have 'running away' money etc. It's what my female relatives taught me and I'm very grateful to them.

There are plenty of sensible precautions we can all take to mitigate risk. Sure, there needs to be a balance and over-protection has it's own downsides, but a child will still be able to enjoy life to the fullest even if they're not wearing a thong and a short skirt.

I'm well aware if the prevalence of cat calling. I understand well that it can happen regardless of what a woman or girl is wearing. But if you're seriously trying to argue that the extent and severity is likely to be the same if youre wearing a school uniform skirt that shows your bare arse, frankly you're being beyond ridiculous. Most of us know well how cat calling works if you're an adult dressed in a conformist way. If you can't imagine how much worse that would be to be incredibly young, in a uniform and showing your arse...well, try it and report back. If you're happy to send girl children out as foot soldiers on your crusade, you give it a go and see if you still think its something we should allow our children to endure.

Someone can grab your bag or grab your purse. If they want to grab something they will do. You are on another planet if a thief thinks oh shit I can't grab that bag because it has a zip on it! Give over! They'll drag it off your back if they want.

Would you put your bag with a zip on in a room with a thief given you think a bag protects against things being stolen?

My door being locked never has kept me safe. I was harmed within my house so locking the door didn't keep me safe as usually the danger is inside the house not outside.

Would you put your child in a room with a paedo so long as they have a longer skirt on to mitigate risk?

They aren't thought

People who want to make lewd comments will make them. They happen all the time. Thinking clothing makes a huge difference is leaving them unprepared for the fact they could be in a tracksuit and get comments.

And, yes, that would also be victim blaming. "Well you went to the canal so ..."

Saying "well you went to the canal so..." would indeed be victim blaming. But that isn't what I said, was it? I said warning a friend that the canal was not a safe place. Can you see the difference? One is blaming an incident that has happened on the victim. The other is recommending a precaution that reduces risk. And yes, I'm aware women and girls are subject to lewd comments whatever they wear. But it's nonsense to suggest that the comments won't be more frequent and probably more obscene if your bare arse is visible.

Someone can grab your bag or grab your purse. If they want to grab something they will do. You are on another planet if a thief thinks oh shit I can't grab that bag because it has a zip on it! Give over! They'll drag it off your back if they want.
Would you put your bag with a zip on in a room with a thief given you think a bag protects against things being stolen?
My door being locked never has kept me safe. I was harmed within my house so locking the door didn't keep me safe as usually the danger is inside the house not outside.
Would you put your child in a room with a paedo so long as they have a longer skirt on to mitigate risk?

I don't want to quote a million posts, just respond to this one.

Keeping your bag and purse close to you and closed rather than not will reduce the risk of it being stolen.

Locking your door reduces the risk of harm to you or your home.

I would never knowingly put my child in a room with a paedophile.

If you warned said friend that the canal was not safe and she went anyway and got attacked what would you say?

Told you not to go....? Well I did say it wasn't safe...? What did you expect....?

I don't want to quote a million posts, just respond to this one.
Keeping your bag and purse close to you and closed rather than not will reduce the risk of it being stolen.
Locking your door reduces the risk of harm to you or your home.
I would never knowingly put my child in a room with a paedophile.

Locking your door doesn't reduce the risk of harm to you as most harm is within the house. How often do people come and try to enter your house? No one has ever tried on mine. Ever. It is rare that someone tries to get into your house. However it is common to be attacked within the home. Most people experience it.

So if a long skirt won't protect a child in a room with a paedo how will it protect a child in a world full of paedos?

The extent is still the same you are very much mistaken that paedos will turn their gaze from kids because of what they are wearing and say nah only kids with short skirts mate!

Would you send your child into a room with a paedo in a long skirt if you really believe the outcome will be different to a child in a short skirt?

The outcome for a child in a room with a paedophile would be highly unlikely to be effected by their skirt length. However, that is something of a straw man, given we are not discussing children in rooms being assaulted by paedophiles. We are discussing children walking to school and experiencing street harassment. And yes, I absolutely do think (know) that a child showing bare buttocks will experience a greater number of comments, stares and shouted obscenities than a child who is not. If you struggle to believe this then, as I say, do a little experiment. Go out in your usual clothes, then walk the same route at the same time with your bare arse visible. Compare, contrast and report back. And while you're at it, have a real honest think about whether you really want 13 year old children to be subjected to that or whether it might be better if we spared them.

No, of course not. Warning beforehand and blaming after are two entirely different things. You do see that, surely?