I’m probably being a prude but…

[Username73638]

…what is the deal with teenage girls running around basically naked these days?

Last week, I was driving down the road near a secondary school at letting out time and I must have seen about 5 girls’ actual bum cheeks as they were leaving school. Like, we all rolled our skirts up fairly short at school, but this was actually full knickers and bums on display… one girl was wearing a thong so it was just her whole bum on show.

Then, I was on the beach today (we live near the sea) with my two primary school aged sons and there were a group of maybe 13-14 year old girls, they were very young, more than half of whom were in thong bikinis. They spent most of the time on the beach doing a photoshoot, predominantly photos of them from behind looking out to sea, presumably for social media?!

I know teenagers have always been teenagers, but I’m pretty sure underage girls weren’t wearing thong bikinis on the beach when I was that age 😳

I could see other families on the beach felt uncomfortable with it too.

Do their parents know? Is this just how teenagers dress these days?

I am putting their words into context and asking them if they still feel say the same about my situation. I noticed they are all deflecting.

This is not about me, if you cannot understand how when held to account they deflect then that is on you.

We all have experiences and many are all making shocking comments but when faced with the 'say it to my face' comments they daren't. That is the point, it is not about me it is that they cannot apply their logic when faced with a situation as it then highlights how ludicrous it was in the first place.

Very similar to the shorts worn by young teenagers and young women alike where literally half of their bum is visible, hanging out of the shorts. I assume that the shorts are cut like this but iit always looks like their shorts are a couple of sizes too small and they've forced their arse into it. Not everybody old has a sagging bum nor does everyone young have a toned one. I have seen multiple teenager and women wearing them with their saggy bum on show .

*Putting them into situations? WTF?

So you are saying that women can handle rape but kids cannot and so it is ok for women because rape is fine for women? Absolutely not you would likely not be able to defend yourself if someone wanted to rape you, most people do not fight rapists off. It is the least likely response. So if you put yourself in a situation to be raped you are saying that is your fault?*

What on earth are you talking about. You’re making a lot of assumptions there, not least that I’ve never been raped.

If I decide to wear a short dress with my cleavage on show I’m very able to tell some letcherous man to fuck off, if I’m unhappy with the way someone looks at me I can move away, if some bloke thinks a short skirt is an invitation to cop a feel I can put him straight. No, men shouldn’t make assumptions based on what a woman wears, but they do and women need to be equipped to deal with that because it’s not changing any time soon.

I dont expect my DD14 to be able to handle that, nor should she be expected to. That does mean her clothes will cover her arse and her boobs for the foreseeable future - that’s not a restrictive standard to set.

She’s 14, there’s absolutely no need for her arse to be on show walking to school, it’s not damaging her in any way. It is giving her time to grow up before being confronted by all the ways men will interpret what she wears.

Absolutely nothing to do with rape in and of itself, men will rape because they can, which is a completely different realm of learning for her.

I am mid 30s and find it really bizarre. I wear tight workout clothing but I wouldn’t want my actual cheeks on display. There are plenty of school age teenagers who wear these tiny school skirts or shorts near me, but there are also tweens in high-cut swimming costumes on the beach showing a lot of bum too. It’s hard not to double-take because it’s really unexpected and weird.

Like others, I am all for people wearing what they want without fear, but it feels a step too far for the under 18s. My boyfriend hypothesised that teenage boys will be so immune to bodies and bum cheeks that the younger generations won’t sexualise women’s bodies so much. Maybe my kids will see me as a prude when I’m older?

I used to find it weird and too much when people wore sports bras as crop tops but now I do it so perhaps it just takes time for people to get used to things. But there is a time and place - sports bras as tops is so you don’t get so hot exercising, but skirts as belts all year round doesn’t serve much purpose

I think fashions just come and go. I can remember footballers shorts getting shorter and shorter, not sure if that was the 60s or 70s. They are much longer and baggier now but I don't think that is anything to do with Andrew Tate or them being worried about being raped, just fashion.

What did they say as it was deleted?

It’s the insidious influence of porn.

I am not one of those people 🙄

Where I live the boys all look like they are in clothes at least two sizes too big. Fashion makes fools of us all at times.

Exactly, and people like Katie price. It's depressing

Exactly, just as this poster is sharing their views from experience

Those of you who think it’s okay for a 13 year old to wear a thong on the beach (and stand by the sea doing provocative poses for photons)… at what age does this become acceptable in your eyes? Because for me it’s when they’re an adult, not a child.

Is it okay for an 8 year old to pose in a thong in a public place? A 10 year old? A 12 year old?

This is simply not how the real world works. I don't leave my wallet unattended - because I know someone might steal it. Sure, it's definitely the criminal at fault, but that's not much comfort when I've lost my money and credit cards.

Similarly, I don't get really drunk on a night out when I don't have friends nearby, and I don't accept drinks from random men. Sure, if a man did rape me it would be 100% the rapist's fault, but again that's not much comfort to the victim.

We should definitely be educating our young teens on how to stay safe. Let someone know where they are, don't walk home alone late at night, don't blindly trust a man, don't accept a lift home from a stranger etc etc.

In the ideal world none of that would be necessary, but we still live in the real world where crime happens all the time and we have to try to keep ourselves safe as best we can.

Thanks for the reports on this thread.

Discussions like this often get heated and misunderstandings can happen but we'd like to remind you that Mumsnet is here to make parents' lives easier. While we encourage healthy and robust discussion, we hope that everyone can respect each other in their choices and express their views without resorting to personal attacks.

Peace and love

Well firstly it was my father that abused me, so he would have seen me naked, topless etc, so maybe don't comment so confidently on situations you have no understanding of. Secondly, no, it doesn't prove anything, because my point was that we shouldn't sexualise children, not that clothing is to blame for rape.

100% agree. Some people don't live in the real world.

Sorry educate kids on how not to get raped? There is no way to prevent rape or sexual assault and to tell girls they are to blame and brought it on themselves if they get assaulted or raped is disgusting.

Teaching girls about risk and how to minimise that risk isn’t blaming them if they are assaulted.

Not getting so drunk they don’t know their own name, not walking home from town on their own late at night, not accepting drinks from men they don’t know, not leaving their drink unattended, are all sensible precautions. It doesn’t mean they’re invincible nor does it mean they’re to blame if someone does assault them.

We teach risk, risk management and safety in every single area of our children’s lives, this is no different. I teach my kids to keep valuables out of sight, that doesn’t mean they’re to blame if someone mugs them and steals their phone.

What Parents are buying bikini thongs for children 😱wtaf
Shame on them

All people have bums.
Maaaaybe if people like you stop sexualizing 8y olds and accept that teenagers are in period of life when they are discovering their own sexuality in multiple ways (and do not need judgement from adults) it would be easier for everyone.

Stop stalking poor girls trying to navigate hormone storm and discovering what being a woman is for them.

Your judgement along the line (when they are adults - like 16 is ok?) is a step from - women shold not wear thongs at all, someone somewhere may get offended.

Not your body, not your choice.

You are so naive. Men will always look and they don't give a shit about age. Therefore keep your children safer by clothing them suitably

How do you know I don’t have an understanding of it? Quite the presumption. Everyone’s point is we shouldn’t sexualise children, not one is disagreeing with that. But to deny that what you wear matters when it comes to being raped is ridiculous.

It's always filthy old men staring at them....

I'm sure paedophiles love this fashion. I would'nt be happy about a daughter of mine going out and about like that but may accept it reluctantly on a beach. After watching Glasto this weekend, it does seem to the thing for a lot of the young female performers.

There are, horrifically, many people who sexualise 8 year olds. Child porn and child rape is rife. That is unfortunately the world we live in.

An 8 year old doesn't have an adult's understanding of the world and the risks involved. That's why parents have to step in and make choices for them. We don't let 8 year old kids decide what they eat (they'd live off sugar if they could) or when their bedtime is (they'd stay up all night). So why should we let them wear whatever they want when we know the dangers out there?

And yet women and girls do all the things you said and still get raped. Why is there so much focus on teaching girls what to do when it should teaching be males what not to do.