DH buys loads of sweets

[candyhandy]

I have always viewed sweets and chocolate as a treat. Or a little something sneakily bought every few months; never something that would be part of the weekly grocery shopping. I’ve been slim my whole life but I also had an eating disorder; I eat normally these days.

DH is fit and healthy too, but every shopping trip (maybe 2x per week) he buys about 3-5 big packets of things like skittles, haribo, starburst ando Cadbury 100g bars. The kids see it as snack food, but they will have healthy things instead if I am there, if I offer to prepare it, AND given them a lecture. My kitchen has no hiding spaces, so I can’t hide it. I’ve asked DH to stop buying but he refuses, saying I am too critical.

The DC are healthy and with normal weight and ok teeth but I’ve found myself reeling off the reasons to them for having sweets from rotten teeth, to chemicals from E numbers, to getting fat. Their little faces look so scared, like how can something that’s there, in the safety of the kitchen, that daddy buys, be so bad.

YANBU- one parent needs to be sensible; sweets are a treat only, not a snack
YABU- everyone is healthy and having 3 healthy meals a day; sweet treats daily is ok. Your perception of it all is abnormal because you had an eating disorder for twenty years.

^^ yes! It’s that easy -that’s why there’s virtually no obesity in the U.K. - everyone chooses a piece of fruit over a bar of chocolate

I’d suggest changing the way you lecture your kids to avoid eating disorders developing

I think I’ve mentioned this on here before. I grew up with a mother who passed her issues around food on to me. I have struggled with food and my weight all my life.

I made a very conscious decision to break the cycle with my son.
We didn’t talk about food much at all and if so only in a “protein does this, fibre does that” kind of way. (And yes I felt like a prat, but hey ho!) We didn’t allow others to talk about his food choices, either. When he was full I took his word for it. Sweets, chocolates, ice cream or cake were allowed. As a result he knows when he’s full. Chooses fruit over treats for a snack, but won’t deny himself a sweet if he fancies it. He is scarily self-limiting for a 12 year old. He exercises because to him it’s a fun past time not because I guilt tripped him into it.

Kindly, I believe you and your husband need to find a middle ground and please, please stop lecturing your kids. I KNOW you mean well, but it will backfire spectacularly.

As someone who has had to massively change their diet due to illness. It’s not about calories in v calories out, it’s about eating nutrient rich wholesome foods to support our bodies. It is so important children have a good diet, their bodies need to get them through life and will be passed through to their generation. If a chocolate bar was deconstructed, would parent allow their children to eat spoonfuls of sugar on their own? When they could have a banana with maybe a drizzle of honey?
From someone who has scrutinised their diet, it really makes me wonder if my previous way of eating has played a part in my illness. Nutrient dense foods are the way forward to support our bodies. @candyhandy-I'm with you on this, a little in moderation is fine, maybe chocolate Tuesdays (I used to have wine Wednesdays 😂) but definitely not used as a regular snack food so YANBU. What you are telling them about rotten teeth, they learn in school when they are old enough and by then too late and the treat habit has been formed… and the dentist will thank you! DH needs to keep the sweets and chocolate at work, or in the car, or the shed!

My sympathies are with you. I didn’t buy my three children any sweets, biscuits or cake as they are simply not part of a healthy diet. They used to get a birthday cake and I didn’t stop them eating sweets they were given. It’s too easy to get addicted to sugar which causes all kinds of problems in the long term. They are now all in their twenties, slim, beautiful and healthy. Your children will thank you in the long run.

As a diabetic, I say please stop letting them have so many sweets. The damage builds up over many years. Can you hide them and just bring out a few at a time? 6 packs a week IS excessive and not even a treat really as it’s just expected by the children and husband

I would hate that. We simply never had stuff like that in the house and we have actually never once bought our kids sweets. They had chocolate now and then, but sweets, never.

I don’t really understand parents that introduce things like sweets, it’s not like children automatically want them. Skittles, by the way are absolutely awful - 75% sugar and chock full of chemical crap. Giving children ultra processed rubbish is not ‘treating’ them and your husband sounds nuts.

My BiL had a mum who used to buy them huge quantities of sweets weekly. He’s had a lifelong problem as a result and craves and ‘secret eats’ them. Oh, and he has shocking teeth.

I think it's finding the middle ground. Nothing is inherently bad in my book, it's how much you have them. We have sweets or treats every day but only after dinner, though we do have some biscuits like fig rolls around the rest of the time. All of us are a healthy weight, it's part of our diet. My aunt banned chocolate, pop etc and my cousins would go mad every time they visited family - in the long run I think it made them more rebellious at seeking forbidden treats out of the house, rather than having a healthier relationship with them. My kids do like fruit snacks that seem like treats, eg raisins, YoYos.

I think your eating disorder has made you over-anxious about food. It sounds to me as if you not only have hang-ups around weight not also some orthorexic tendencies. Worrying about ‘chemicals’ is meaningless. Everything is a chemical, including water and air. All the daily vitamins and minerals you need are chemicals. Most of the long words you see in ingredients lists, and lots of E-numbers. are natural substances you’d find in ‘healthy’ food too. For example ‘E300’ is vitamin C. ‘Asorbic acid’ is also vitamin C.

Oh now I want some sweets..

This.

Fear of food or elements of food is a sign there's disordered thinking going on.

I totally understand how frustrating that can be.
Try having a gentle, honest conversation with him — let him know it’s hard for you and the kids to resist when those treats are always around.
You can suggest bringing sweets only on special occasions, or swap them with healthier snacks you can all enjoy.
It’s not about control — it’s about support. And if he cares, he’ll listen.

I haven't voted as you both seem to be extreme.

I'd say he is enabling an addiction to 'needing' sweets every day, and you are setting them up for eating disorders with your extreme views.
You need to communicate with each other and reach a compromise.

when they were handing out common sense you weren’t in the queue, were you?

I usually have chocolate in the house and in this weather ice creams too .
I wouldn’t scare young children over this but I’d definitely closely supervise teeth brushing.
( I have dental issues myself )

Anyone else struggling to believe in all these kids who would rather reach for a grape than the freely available chocolate / sweets 🤣🤣🤣🤣

YABU, sorry.