DH buys loads of sweets

[candyhandy]

I have always viewed sweets and chocolate as a treat. Or a little something sneakily bought every few months; never something that would be part of the weekly grocery shopping. I’ve been slim my whole life but I also had an eating disorder; I eat normally these days.

DH is fit and healthy too, but every shopping trip (maybe 2x per week) he buys about 3-5 big packets of things like skittles, haribo, starburst ando Cadbury 100g bars. The kids see it as snack food, but they will have healthy things instead if I am there, if I offer to prepare it, AND given them a lecture. My kitchen has no hiding spaces, so I can’t hide it. I’ve asked DH to stop buying but he refuses, saying I am too critical.

The DC are healthy and with normal weight and ok teeth but I’ve found myself reeling off the reasons to them for having sweets from rotten teeth, to chemicals from E numbers, to getting fat. Their little faces look so scared, like how can something that’s there, in the safety of the kitchen, that daddy buys, be so bad.

YANBU- one parent needs to be sensible; sweets are a treat only, not a snack
YABU- everyone is healthy and having 3 healthy meals a day; sweet treats daily is ok. Your perception of it all is abnormal because you had an eating disorder for twenty years.

Both of your approaches are unhealthy. Together, they must be incredibly confusing. You need to come up with a middle ground together that allows for some "treats" but not all the time.

6-10 family size bags of sweets/bars of chocolate a week is too many (although you don't say how many kids you have...if you've got twenty kids then that's maybe reasonable).

Your response is way over the top though and clearly influenced by a problematic relationship with food. Words like 'sneakily bought' are very troubling.

Reach a compromise with DH. A few sweets, a few times a week or a bigger treat on a Friday night for example is fine. As with most parenting disputes the solution is compromise. If compromise can't be found then you have bigger problems than how much Haribo your kids eat.

maybe 2x per week) he buys about 3-5 big packets of things like skittles, haribo, starburst ando Cadbury 100g bars

This is quite a lot imo.... although we always have some sort of sweets or chocolate in the house and I buy stuff most weeks. It's not always eaten, it often just sits in cupboards. However, I also think your statement...

a little something sneakily bought every few months

Is problematic....why sneakily bought? Why do you need to be sneaky about it?

How old are these children with frightened little faces

and how many children is there ?

Absolutely agree.
And it's not cleaning teeth and is a ' danger' to rotten teeth
Honestly op you sound like an idiot

Please don't make your kids "scared" of sweets. That said your husband needs to reign it in a bit so they can have a healthy relationship with food.

Decant some of the sweets into a zippy bag per child. That lasts the week.Bin the rest, unopened if necessary.

I'm all for healthy eating and feeding children real whole foods BUT your language around junk food is quite concerning given the fact you've had an eating disorder in the past. Please do not carry on this way with your children, they should not be afraid of getting fat. It's harmful.

Of course junk food should be limited to a weekly/monthly treat but should not be demonised to this extent. It is not healthy. All it will do is push your children to rebel and eat more when they are older.

Many posters eat this stuff but I wouldn’t have it in the house. I wasn’t brought up with it either. We had chocolate biscuits and sometimes made our own cakes but we never had sweets, choc or crisps in the house. Good eating habits start in childhood.

What’s unhealthy about not eating sweets?

I think there are sweets and sweets.

Haribos are just disgusting and would never come into my house.

Something like cola cubes are fine, in moderation.

I would be furious if my DH tried to be so controlling as to tell me when and how many sweets I could eat. You should make choices for yourself not your DH.

You don’t need to terrorise your DC or make them feel as though they have to pick a side. Simply ration the sweets and lock them away so they can’t be got at

All the people I know whose sweet/treat intake was heavily restricted/controlled by a parent as a child has ended up with disordered eating as an adult.

Some sweets, or a chocolate bar a few times a week is fine.

All the people I know whose sweet/treat intake was heavily restricted/controlled by a parent as a child has ended up with disordered eating as an adult.

Some sweets, or a chocolate bar a few times a week is fine.

He's buying too much crap AND you're looking at it and talking about it wrong. It's not that "one parent needs to be sensible" but you both do.

At the moment they're getting the worst possible combination - living a house full of sweets, and hearing lots of doom-laden messages about how bad sweets are. You're not cancelling his shopping out with your talk, instead between you you're 100% setting them up to have their own terrible relationships with food.

The two of you need to talk this over properly and agree a genuine compromise - it's true you're being critical, but he's being stupid routinely buying that much sweet stuff. You need to agree an amount of sweets coming into the house that you're both happy with and once he sticks to the agreement you need to stop talking about them so negatively. If he won't stop buying them you'll have to come up with a different solution that works - throw them out every time, or lock them away so only he can eat them, let him know he can't just ignore you and do what he wants.

I firmly stand by you and I think your husband is being absolutely unreasonable.
So: about 2 shopping trips a week, and on each occasion he buys 3-5 big packs of sweets?That’s really bad!
Some people here who say YABU, are so used to this amount of sweets that for them it’s the norm and don’t understand how bad all that sugar is for your teeth and body. Then they come and start a thread about not being able to lose weight and wanting to start injecting themselves with that Mounjaro shit! (Apologies to those who really need it for medical reasons) How thick is that?
Bad (or good) eating habits are established in childhood and it can be incredibly difficult later to even admit that the eating habits we learned from our parents are not exactly serving us.
Having the occasional treat is fine but that much sweets are just awful. You seriously have to sit down and have a conversation with your husband.

You are causing huge food issues for your children. A few sweets isn’t going to harm them. Making sweets scary and forbidden will harm them!

Both of you are teaching them unhealthy approaches. Sweets shouldn't be snacks and readily available all the time. But your children shouldn't be getting lectures about food and made them be scared about 'unhealthy food' and taught any food is bad.

I'm sorry but there is good and bad food.

Calories are the least of our problems.

Ultra processed, chemicals are far worse.

Why would you bin them?! They last forever, what a waste of money

It’s totally unhealthy to make your children scared of their father buying sweets.

I came from a house of sweets on Saturday mornings only. I find it incredibly difficult to moderate my intake now. My children have free access, they will leave Easter eggs and Halloween sweets until they've gone off. 🤷

Once a week is fine, but your language around it makes me cringe.

Or a little something sneakily bought every few months

Why sneakily!?

Do not bin them. That's wasteful

Donate elsewhere if you must. But they have long dates, just ration them out over the weeks