DH buys loads of sweets

[candyhandy]

I have always viewed sweets and chocolate as a treat. Or a little something sneakily bought every few months; never something that would be part of the weekly grocery shopping. I’ve been slim my whole life but I also had an eating disorder; I eat normally these days.

DH is fit and healthy too, but every shopping trip (maybe 2x per week) he buys about 3-5 big packets of things like skittles, haribo, starburst ando Cadbury 100g bars. The kids see it as snack food, but they will have healthy things instead if I am there, if I offer to prepare it, AND given them a lecture. My kitchen has no hiding spaces, so I can’t hide it. I’ve asked DH to stop buying but he refuses, saying I am too critical.

The DC are healthy and with normal weight and ok teeth but I’ve found myself reeling off the reasons to them for having sweets from rotten teeth, to chemicals from E numbers, to getting fat. Their little faces look so scared, like how can something that’s there, in the safety of the kitchen, that daddy buys, be so bad.

YANBU- one parent needs to be sensible; sweets are a treat only, not a snack
YABU- everyone is healthy and having 3 healthy meals a day; sweet treats daily is ok. Your perception of it all is abnormal because you had an eating disorder for twenty years.

If you restrict something you cause problems, as a child we never had much money treats really were treats can't even recall having a selection box at Christmas, I can't recall having sweets till much older. So when I left home and had my own money for years I would tonnes of crap, sweets, chocolate all the stuff I had.never had, like everything it's a fine line.

My mum was very strict about food and healthy eating. Guess who now eats far too much sugar? What your DH is buying really doesn't sound that much to me, we probably get through that each week. My teeth have not fallen out yet.

Why is DH being so OTT about rubbish sweets. He’s being the fun parent whilst ruining their diet. Why is he like this?

Diabetes, tooth decay, high blood sugar - not fun diseases to have.

Kids will thank you for sweets, not for ill health.

Whilst OP may still have some disordered thinking around food, her husband should stop buying so much eat week, it’s not healthy for any of them. 6-10 packets a week is crazy!

When will you take personal responsibility though? You eating too much junk is your issue, not your mums.

Sure. But making sweets and chocolate a forbidden fruit for my whole childhood didn't help.

Like I say, my teeth haven't fallen out yet and I'm not obese so it can't be that much of a problem 🤷‍♀️

Yet being the operative word.

Your health and diet is your choice. Blaming your mum, as a fully grown woman, isn’t cool.

Oh come on… the children won’t shake in their boots with fear about hearing the hard facts about sugar, don’t be ridiculous. There are even dental ads aimed at children about the danger or overindulging in sweets. Why do people think that modern kids are so sensitive and have to be shielded from the slightest breeze? Do you also withhold information from your kids about the harmful rays of the sun, because then the poor things will never leave the house? Or the dangers of drowning, otherwise they will never go into the sea?

I'm sorry but this simply isn't true.

Getting fat and the myriad of health issues that go along with that is a very real consequence of eating too much high sugar and processed food. Op isn't using language that is 'disgusting' and if you're personally offended by the fact other people may see being overweight as undesirable then you perhaps need to examine your own insecurity and why you find this so offensive.

Everybody I know who is or has been overweight, feels the same about their weight. They don't like it they don't want that body. I see posts on here and other sites where adults are angry that their parents never intervened when they were eating utter crap. It isn't something you should only implement if you child becomes obese because they might not, but the habits that they have picked you will last a lifetime and when they enter adulthood it can and does catch up with people.

Dad was very strict with sweets.1960s child .not allowed gobstoppers ,crunches or Penny sweets.chocolate was allowed at Xmas and BD ,Friday and Sunday afternoon.my own DC similar. Ds likes fruit. Have to clean teeth after sweets as well.chocolate is a food said nan .somewhat to dad's consternation I expect!

He’s an adult man, if he’s a healthy weight and his teeth are ok/blood pressure etc is ok, I would just let him get on with it. Sounds like he’s being responsible not giving loads to the kids YABU

I got fat after two parents banned me from choc and sweets most of the time. As they were forbidden it was more tempting, so I bought loads myself. so it’s not always the case that being healthy all the time now will stop them gaining in future.

both of you have a disordered view. We never buy sweets or chocolate etc as part of the normal weekly shop but we do buy them as a treat. Every few months is just ridiculous, though. Something once a week is fine. We also have cake and biscuits quite a lot - both home made. We don’t regard those as treats, though. Just a normal part of regular food - but we wouldn’t have them every day.

Fucking hell, calm your jets.

It's the OPs approach that is unhealthy!

I was quoting the OP. She thinks her dc looked scared.
HTH

Buy a large storage tin keep it under the sink,or anywhere else you want, hide the bagged sweets and wrapped choccie in the bottom, then cover up with things like a bag of curtain hooks, pegs, new scouring pads etc If they look in the tin they won't expect sweets to be hidden underneath.

My mum used to speak that way to me about food and had similar approach- I have struggled massively with my diet and body image as a result.

You say you eat normally now but you're lecturing perfectly healthy children about getting fat. It sounds like you still have some ingrained issues around how you perceive certain foods that you're projecting without realising.

Obviously kids need to understand that there are some foods that provide more for our bodies than others - but that's how it should be framed. You describe your kids as looking scared by how you're providing their information about food. That should never be the case.

My ds is 2.5 and obviously due to my own issues I have spent a lot of time reading and researching the best ways to ensure he has a healthy relationship with food and his body and even now I provide sweet treats along with his meal but in appropriate portion sizes. We talk about how certain food has a job to do to take care of our bodies (ie carrots help make our eyes strong and milk makes our bones strong) and some food is just for fun but we can't fill up on that- we need to keep space for the food that takes care of us. I ensure his portions are a decent size for his age, that I use positive language around food and that I make sure he's getting plenty of fruit, veg, dairy etc that he needs at this age. I'm aiming for him to grow up learning that sweet treats are available, but how to prioritise what his body needs without judgement or fear.

Occasionally, we’d have them at parties, I remember buying some after swimming, but my mum never bought sweets in the supermarket.

I’d drop the line about fat but the rest of it’s fine. My mum educated us about E numbers and UPFs before it was a thing. And sugar ruining teeth was drummed into us - more by dentists and school than parents.

No one should be eating sweets all the time but your DH is an adult so he can do whatever he likes. Does he think it’s ok for your kids to eat sweets all the time? Your language is quite problematic though - you need to consider what you are passing on to your kids.

Who is eating these sweets?

If it's your DH, essentially they need to be kept in a box or tin in a high cupboard out of reach of the DC. He's an adult, his diet and dental health are his responsibility.

If it's the DC and he's refusing to listen, I'd quietly put 2/3 of the sweets in the bin immediately when they enter the house and leave a reasonable amount to be enjoyed at suitable intervals, like straight after a meal (much less harmful to teeth than sweets being freely available and picked at throughout the day).

Stop talking to the kids about sweets and treats being bad for them if they choose to have them. That's not something they should have to deal with. You and your DH should be providing them with a healthy diet, including a moderate amount of "treat" food, which they can then just enjoy. They shouldn't have to put up with guilt and fear around food because you and your DH have inconsistent approaches.

Parenting is about compromise, at the moment you are both holding to extreme positions, and that’s unhelpful and confusing the children. It is unfortunate that you’ve obviously tried to float a compromise and your husband is not listening. Neither of you will agree with 100% of the others views, but you need to meet in the middle on this. If he refuses to listen, start throwing the sweets and chocolates in the bin until he gets the message that he needs to start engaging.

Please stop scaring your children about sweets. Everything in moderation.

My kid has sweets /choc in the house all the time. It's not hidden and is readily available in the house and doesn't really need to be asked for.

Saying that, as its not a 'banned food' 9 times out of 10 they will first ask for the watermwlon/grapes/mini cucumbers/ pomegranate seeds/ yoghurt etc

There is no fear of having to make them last or make the most of them as they're not a treat. They're just there.

Child is low weight and tall and eats a massive mix of foods as all available all the time

A family member that does the opposite has two obese children as they go nuts whenever these things are on offer and will literally eat them until they're sick. They will 'sneak' multipacks and eat them all when no one's looking because they don't know when they might get another 'treat'