DH buys loads of sweets

[candyhandy]

I have always viewed sweets and chocolate as a treat. Or a little something sneakily bought every few months; never something that would be part of the weekly grocery shopping. I’ve been slim my whole life but I also had an eating disorder; I eat normally these days.

DH is fit and healthy too, but every shopping trip (maybe 2x per week) he buys about 3-5 big packets of things like skittles, haribo, starburst ando Cadbury 100g bars. The kids see it as snack food, but they will have healthy things instead if I am there, if I offer to prepare it, AND given them a lecture. My kitchen has no hiding spaces, so I can’t hide it. I’ve asked DH to stop buying but he refuses, saying I am too critical.

The DC are healthy and with normal weight and ok teeth but I’ve found myself reeling off the reasons to them for having sweets from rotten teeth, to chemicals from E numbers, to getting fat. Their little faces look so scared, like how can something that’s there, in the safety of the kitchen, that daddy buys, be so bad.

YANBU- one parent needs to be sensible; sweets are a treat only, not a snack
YABU- everyone is healthy and having 3 healthy meals a day; sweet treats daily is ok. Your perception of it all is abnormal because you had an eating disorder for twenty years.

So 10000 calories a day of avocado is ok and healthy and won’t affect your body?

If you look at people who have healthier relationships with food, like people who practice intuitive eating, they don’t recognise food as good or bad, but instead listen to their body, eat things in moderation, and eat mindfully. By labelling food bad you’re likely to make it more appealing to your children, or encourage them to eat secretly. You need to stop lecturing them.

I agree with you OP they should be an every now and then food not an every day food. I would be furious with DP

People like you are the reason why kids like yours end up going into school and bullying children who are overweight. Your language is disgusting, as is your behaviour toward your husband and children.

You're clearly not over your eating disorder. Your mental health problems are being projected onto your family and your children -WILL- end up with unhealthy relationships when it comes to food, when it is older, and that will be passed onto their children all because of -YOU-. I am speaking from experience.

Sort your shit out before you ruin your kids wellbeing. These are the types of kids who act like perfect angels and will get away with bullying other kids and you'll be none-the-wiser while some poor kid won't want to go to school because they're being bullied. Your own children will be too afraid of food, or they will sneaky-eat because of your awful behaviour.

Make better choices.

Your DH is buying way too much sugary food, and your approach to your children about it is potentially damaging too. I feel for you though - nothing wrong with sweets and chocolates as a treat but shouldn't really be forming a daily part of the diet, and if your DH is buying enough for that to be the case, and not listening to you, I'm not sure what to suggest.
Probably less damaging to let them eat it than give them a complex about it?

How old are the kids?
I'm a bit more relaxed now mine is older, we buy sweets and choc, she knows its there, sometimes she asks for it, other times not. There's no hiding or sneaking.
Tbh those Haribo 'big bags' are only about 90g these days, once all four of you have had a handful (decant into a little tub each if you want to manage portion control), they're gone. Mmmm, I love Haribo, I want some now. No greater small joy than a bag of Tangfastics!

She went to a theme park last week, had £50 on her card, only bought a bottle of water. Her pal whose mum does not allow sweets in the house spent £20 on Pick n Mix and a blue slushie. I'll let you connect the dots...

YANBU that sweets and chocolate should be a treat and that’s too much to be buying each week, but the way you’re talking to your kids is insane. You need to have a serious adult conversation with your DH.

I ate a treat from the sweet shop every day after school as a child, and more junk food as a teen once I had access to more cash.

My teeth and weight were always fine.

I honestly don't think there's anything wrong with a small treat each day if you're eating balanced meals.

And why can't you hide the sweets in your bedroom or in a drawer if you don't want them to eat them all at once?

YABVU

Reflect a little on the general origins and characteristics of disordered eating and stop lecturing your children about 'bad' foods.

Having access to sweets isn't a bad thing. Gobbling sweets isnt a bad thing.

Presenting sweets as poisonous/ scary/ bad is very likely to damage them much more than the sugar, added colours, preservatives, and whatever else they put in the sweets.

I had an ED as a teen and young adult and it ruined my life. My kids have no idea and I’m a normal weight now with no issues with food. Your language around your kids when it comes to ‘bad’ foods is awful - stop projecting your issues with food onto others. Do you do this around friends too?

And I want to add - DO NOT hide the sweets.

Teach the children self control and moderation.

You should go to therapy to sort out the fears you have around this topic, and your need to control, because what you're doing now is harmful.

That was quite a leap! From OP complaining about the staggering amount of sweets, to you accusing her bringing up future bullies 😆
Is it the heat that’s affecting your brain?
It is about the SHEER AMOUNT of sweets the husband buys, not about the children getting the occasional treat. I think OP lets the children have treats every now and then but not THAT MUCH!

@candyhandy i am all for a chocolate treat and I’dont have a sweet tooth but. Dentist will tell you these are the worst types foe teeth.

We both know how serious ED is OP. I'm so happy to hear you recovered. I watched my beautiful 21 year old sister die from ED.
Keep your cool around your kids having the odd treat. It's fine to say this is a treat actually, or you haven't had your lunch yet so no you can't have haribo but keep your cool and watch your language.

I don't say it to scare you, as I said we both know how serious this horrible illness is but break the cycle now ❤️

It’s a really odd idea that not having sweets in the house is somehow “stigmatising” them. And that to be “balanced” you have to buy them. Do you have to have alcohol or cigarettes in the house to be balanced about drinking or smoking?

I grew up in a house with no sweets and I didn’t even think about it. We had a really balanced diet without needing conversations about health or balance. I did the same with my kids who are equally normal eaters.

@candyhandy take them into your bathroom and lock the door. then remove the bath panel and hide them there. replace bath panel and walk out of the bathroom! alternatively, hide them in the piano stool or under your mattress!!

YABU, a little eaten in moderation is okay. I do think your eating disorder is affecting your judgment. I don't buy sweets and chocolate because I'm diabetic and need to lose weight, but a little bit for otherwise healthy children and adults is fine.

Sounds like you still have an ED, perhaps seek help. Good luck!

It is not ideal but you are making your kids anxious about food, causing them an eating disorder.

I don’t buy sweets in every shopping trip but I do let them have them if they feel like it. Including ice cream in this weather. I provide mainly healthy food but don’t criticise DD if she eats a whole tub of ice cream when she had her period. It is not everyday.

Everything in moderation is ok.

You can’t change your husband though.

I don’t like sweets, chocolate bars, crisps but ate junk food when I was a teen on ocassions. I still treat myself to cake if i feel like it

Did you ever had sweets though?

It is not a recurring item on our shopping m/grocery list; only if the kids ask for it sometimes, or at parties.

Fucking hell you’re doing way more damage than any sweets will do. Please reconsider the language you use around them

My advice is do as I do and be sneaky with your hiding places. I’ve used inside saucepans before and one that is still going strong - in the ironing basket!

I am guessing your mum or dad used the word sneaky about sweets when you were a child.

67% think it’s ok to have daily sweets? This, my friend, is why the nation is obese.

No, 67% think it's not normal to "reel off" the dangers of sweets to children and watch while their "little faces look so scared"