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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

When parents say their child is their best friend

84 replies

ClickClackClock · 29/06/2025 12:44

Is this not weird. Perhaps when you are both adults but why is your best friend a 2 year old?

OP posts:
notacooldad · 29/06/2025 12:45

It's just a figure of speech, I presume
(Hopefully anyway!)

Ponoka7 · 29/06/2025 12:46

It's just part of the shit people say. It's odd, but sometimes people don't realise what they say.

pikkumyy77 · 29/06/2025 12:48

Yes its weird. I have always had a delightful relationship with my two dds, now in their late twenties, but I do try not to burden them with the role if a best friend. I think they consider me a best friend and can tell me anything. But I don’t lean on them or tell them anything.

However I think its important not to be too censorious of other people. When I think if how much fun they were as toddlers and how dear they are to me now I don’t think its wrong to say we are best friends in an age appropriate way.

BookArt55 · 29/06/2025 12:52

I take it that they enjoy spending time with them, that they are interested in what they say, that they laugh together.

I don't really see it as a big issue, just a term of endearment. I don't think adults have 'best' friends, but kids like that term.

ThePhantomoftheEcobubbleOpera · 29/06/2025 12:54

I can't get worked up about people who are warm and affectionate with their children, even if it is phrased weirdly.

Hadalifeonce · 29/06/2025 12:55

I cringe.......

TinyTempest · 29/06/2025 12:55

Yeah I don't really think they mean they share each others clothes and go clubbing together.

neverbeenskiing · 29/06/2025 12:56

I work with children and see a lot of situations where parents wanting to be their child's "best friend" leads to lack of boundaries, being in denial about problems and children being given more control and choice than is healthy for their age range.

BleachedJumper · 29/06/2025 12:57

Meh, I called my old dog my best friend.

It’s just a shorthand statement of affection.

HelloGreen · 29/06/2025 12:58

It just means they like them as a human being and enjoy spending time with them. Don’t overthink it.

GreyCarpet · 29/06/2025 13:01

I have a fb friend (an old colleague) whose child has just turned 2.

She refers to her daughter as her best friend and, I don't know, it just feels stifling to me.

She adores her child and I'm not knocking that and its lovely to read her posts which absolutely ooze pride and love but some of the 'bff' comments land oddly.

Alwaysbackagain · 29/06/2025 13:02

I find it quite weird as well OP.

It comes over as though the parent has withdrawn from the parenting role. And to some extent it sounds like the parent cope with the reality of getting older and want to see themselves as the age of their child.

I always had a close relationship with my son and shared lots of interests. Now he's an adult I ask his advice and sometimes socialise with him but I would feel ridiculous calling him my " best friend" . I'm still his Mum.

Raindropsandroses123 · 29/06/2025 13:06

TinyTempest · 29/06/2025 12:55

Yeah I don't really think they mean they share each others clothes and go clubbing together.

lol 😂
Totally agree.
Its just a term of endearment and simplistic for a 2 year old OP and when the 2 year old says it back it’s another way of them expressing they love you and are happy.
It hardly means that a 2 year is on par with an adult paying bills and being the boss of things etc, if that’s what you are getting at OP.

GreyCarpet · 29/06/2025 13:06

neverbeenskiing · 29/06/2025 12:56

I work with children and see a lot of situations where parents wanting to be their child's "best friend" leads to lack of boundaries, being in denial about problems and children being given more control and choice than is healthy for their age range.

This.

It can also restrict their space and opportunity to develop into their own selves because they are seen by parents as an extension of themselves.

Of course, in some cases, it's probably just shorthand for "I fucking love this person who I made with my own body. Who knew!!"

But I'd imagine it's a lot harder to deal woth life choices you disagree with if you've framed this person as your best friend from infancy and described them as a 'mini me' when they don't turn out as you imagined, hoped or expected.

WhereIsMyJumper · 29/06/2025 13:07

I adore my 7yo DS but I am his mother, not his friend.

Raindropsandroses123 · 29/06/2025 13:07

GreyCarpet · 29/06/2025 13:06

This.

It can also restrict their space and opportunity to develop into their own selves because they are seen by parents as an extension of themselves.

Of course, in some cases, it's probably just shorthand for "I fucking love this person who I made with my own body. Who knew!!"

But I'd imagine it's a lot harder to deal woth life choices you disagree with if you've framed this person as your best friend from infancy and described them as a 'mini me' when they don't turn out as you imagined, hoped or expected.

You are totally over thinking this for a 2 year old.

GreyCarpet · 29/06/2025 13:08

Raindropsandroses123 · 29/06/2025 13:07

You are totally over thinking this for a 2 year old.

It's not the 2 year old saying it though, is it? They've no concept of best friends.

Bridport · 29/06/2025 13:12

I think you only get one mum and you want her to be a mum not a friend.

Raindropsandroses123 · 29/06/2025 13:14

GreyCarpet · 29/06/2025 13:08

It's not the 2 year old saying it though, is it? They've no concept of best friends.

The 2 year old will say it back.

neverbeenskiing · 29/06/2025 13:19

GreyCarpet · 29/06/2025 13:06

This.

It can also restrict their space and opportunity to develop into their own selves because they are seen by parents as an extension of themselves.

Of course, in some cases, it's probably just shorthand for "I fucking love this person who I made with my own body. Who knew!!"

But I'd imagine it's a lot harder to deal woth life choices you disagree with if you've framed this person as your best friend from infancy and described them as a 'mini me' when they don't turn out as you imagined, hoped or expected.

Exactly. SIL is very much a 'girlie girl' always referred to her DD as her "mini me", they were always in matching outfits, she basically trained her to like the same music and doing the same things as her like makeovers and shopping. Now her DD is 13 and has found her own style (the cute dresses have been swapped for oversized hoodies) has a group of friends who are into skating and K-pop and wants to do her own thing. SIL has not taken it well and feels rejected because she would rather hang out with kids her own age and do normal 13 year old stuff instead of going to brunch or a spa day with her Mum.

Coka · 29/06/2025 13:25

I never say it but my 11 year old is 100% my closest friend. She is who i would chose time to spend with over anyone else. I dont think im hers though 😂 although maybe as she does enjoy hanging out watching movies and playing games together. She has a much better social life than i do which i know is a bit sad but oh well!

TakeMe2Insanity · 29/06/2025 13:27

Agree cringe, though I raise you. I have overheard someone describe their child as their soulmate.

GreyCarpet · 29/06/2025 13:28

Raindropsandroses123 · 29/06/2025 13:14

The 2 year old will say it back.

Yes but that isn't what the OP is referring to because they're only saying it because they've been taught it just like everything else 2 year olds say.

They don't know any different.

The question the OP asked what why do some adult parents refer to their young children as their best friend. Not why their very young children repeat it.

Words have no meaning to a 2 year old outside of the meaning the parent confers upon them.

GreyCarpet · 29/06/2025 13:29

neverbeenskiing · 29/06/2025 13:19

Exactly. SIL is very much a 'girlie girl' always referred to her DD as her "mini me", they were always in matching outfits, she basically trained her to like the same music and doing the same things as her like makeovers and shopping. Now her DD is 13 and has found her own style (the cute dresses have been swapped for oversized hoodies) has a group of friends who are into skating and K-pop and wants to do her own thing. SIL has not taken it well and feels rejected because she would rather hang out with kids her own age and do normal 13 year old stuff instead of going to brunch or a spa day with her Mum.

Yep.

Raindropsandroses123 · 29/06/2025 13:32

GreyCarpet · 29/06/2025 13:28

Yes but that isn't what the OP is referring to because they're only saying it because they've been taught it just like everything else 2 year olds say.

They don't know any different.

The question the OP asked what why do some adult parents refer to their young children as their best friend. Not why their very young children repeat it.

Words have no meaning to a 2 year old outside of the meaning the parent confers upon them.

You are thinking way too much into it.
Why do people say “good boy”, “good girl”.
It’s a way of saying “You mean the world to me” in terms a toddler might understand. Toddlers are just beginning to grasp the concept of friendships, and calling them a “best friend” can reinforce how loved, valued, and special they are.