When parents say their child is their best friend

[ClickClackClock]

Is this not weird. Perhaps when you are both adults but why is your best friend a 2 year old?

I think you're missing the point of the op and my responses.

Nope, I haven’t. I just disagree.

I think it’s unhealthy.

I think when they're tiny and it's just a figure of speech about enjoying time with them it's fine.

It's not always harmless when they're older though.

Children of 10, 14, 16, 18 etc need a parent rather than a friend.

Whilst the move from "children should be seen and not heard" was absolutely needed, in some circumstances it's gone too far and some parents spend more time trying to be mates with the child than parenting them and it always to the child's detriment.

Having worked in schools for 20 years you absolutely can tell instantly in cases where a child has a mate at home rather than a parent.

It can also restrict their space and opportunity to develop into their own selves because they are seen by parents as an extension of themselves.

Exactly this.

I have a relative who absolutely foundered when she went to uni because she suddenly had to think for herself about life choices. She'd never had to do that because she was just a "mini me" to her mother until then.

She ended up transferring to a uni near home and went straight back to the mini me role.

Ben Fogle says this about his pre-teenage daughter on his Instagram from time to time. I wouldn't like it if I were his wife.

some absolutely do!

As pp's have said, if it's just a nice way of saying 'I love you and enjoy spending time with you,' no issue at all.

But there are some women (I'm sure dads too but I've seen it more with girls and mums) where the mums seem to be wanting to relive their youth and do everything most women do with their friends with their daughter - coffee dates, cinema, going out at night, gym, holiday together, hen parties, etc.

Obviously there's nothing wrong with any of that - I've done some of those things with my mum, if I have a dd I'd hope she would want to do some of them with me occasionally. But it's healthier to also have friends closer to your age to do them with AS WELL, not only because it's unhealthy to rely solely on your dc for companionship and use them as replacements for friends, but because surely there will be things your DC don't want to hear about - issues in your relationship with their dad, for example. Even more so if the child isn't an adult themselves when the parent does it, and the conversation isn't age appropriate.

My XH used to say this about DD, she chose not to see him again 3 years ago wen she was 13

I hope you don't make her feel guilty when she wants to spend time with friends. It's quite a burden to bear to be your mum's best friend at 11. And since she's your best friend ; do you confide in her about your love/sex life ad well ? Didn't think so. She's a child and you can love spending time with her but she should never be your best friend. It's not healthy for her (nor for you).

You're disagreeing with a point that is different from the one I am making, though.

Your comments are on the phrase itself from the child's perspective. My comments are about the adult motivation and the impact of that on the child.

So wholeheartedly agree with you on this!

some absolutely do!

With a 2 year old?

That's a tight squeeze.

I wince when I hear that.

It’s a slippery slope to enmeshment.

My son is one of my best friends but he’s 36. I doubt I’m one of his 🤣

I think 'poor child' to have such a needy and pathetic parent.

That's different! My cat literally is my best friend.

Well your best friend is the best friendship you have, so it just means they don’t have any other good friends.

Nowt wrong with that

With a 2 year old?

I'm sure i've read pps on mumsnet saying their mum is their best friend, not dads though weirdly enough

“Favourite person to spend time with” is fine. “Best friend” with your minor child is just icky to me - it implies a level of reciprocity and equality that isn’t there in a healthy parent and child relationship. I love spending time with my kids 1:1, but I certainly don’t tell them things I’d tell my (adult) best friend, I don’t rely on them for emotional support and I do expect them to obey me and respect my authority. I make key decisions for them. I make them shower and do their homework and tell them off for swearing. I don’t really care if they like me 100% of the time. It’s absolutely not a “best friend” relationship, nor should it be. My kids have peers for that.

It's just a figure is speech. I don't see it as weird at all just a term of endearment.
I don't understand why it upsets some people.

My mum specifically wanted a girl so that she'd have a best friend.

Spoiler - it didn't work out for her because her daughter is more emotionally mature and doesn't feel her childhood full of inappropriate behaviours was acceptable. We no longer speak.

I think there's something psychologically wrong with people who think they are best friends with their children.

If you see a 2 year old going clubbing dressed in their mothers clothes let me know

I think it is just something people say when they have a nice, easy relationship with their child.