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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is it just a societal norm? (Breastfeeding related)

242 replies

Emerald95 · 29/06/2025 11:44

Inspired by last night's controversial opinions thread.
Many women on the thread were saying breastfeeding your child after 6m/1y/2y was weird and by that age a child should be on cow's milk.

I think it is odd to take away the milk made for your baby, and replace it with a cow's breastmilk made for a calf.
Why is giving a child cow's breast milk so normalised? Is it simply because that is what that generations before have done and thus become a societal norm?

I am not a vegan, or even a vegetarian. I am not against consuming animal products but it just seems very weird to be swapping milk produced by a mother for her specific child for milk made by a cow for her calf.

I understand when a child is older and away from their mother for longer periods of time at nursery ect that cow's milk would then be easier. But when the child is mainly at home with their mother, say under the age 3, why should she choose a cow's breastmilk over her own?

Those who hold the view that young children should move onto cow's milk instead of breastfeeding, why?

YABU- Cow's milk is better for a young child
YANBU- Swapping a young child from their mother's Breastmilk to Cow's breastmilk is weird

OP posts:
Margot2020 · 30/06/2025 19:55

Although to add, it’s bloody easier than faffing with bottle sterilisation!

HillbillyBackstroke · 30/06/2025 20:18

Margot2020 · 30/06/2025 19:50

I’m unable to link on my phone but there was also the sibling study that showed benefits had been overstated - most studies look at children in different families, this one compared within families so was able to isolate the effects of breastfeeding from everything else (since BF mothers tend to be more educated, richer etc on average).

It was published in Social Science & Medicine in 2014, by Colen and Ramey.

I’ve just had a look for it and can’t find it! Sounds interesting though

jannier · 30/06/2025 20:33

phoenixrosehere · 30/06/2025 19:47

strangely we now have people saying keep everyone away for weeks isolate yourself to bond with baby etc....furthrr removing outside support.

Isn’t that often due to behaviour from family members who have shown themselves to be more focus on the baby alone than the mother and not actually asking or listening to what the birthing mother needs at the time than what they think she needs.

From most of the threads I’ve read here and on other forums, it is often women having their first and struggling with family members or those who had a bad experience with their first and trying to put up boundaries not to have it happen a second time.

No it's people saying you need to bond and one to one along with an American fad that's crossed the water.

phoenixrosehere · 30/06/2025 20:39

jannier · 30/06/2025 20:33

No it's people saying you need to bond and one to one along with an American fad that's crossed the water.

Skin to skin is definitely something but having grew up there, it is definitely not an American fad to only bond one to one. Wherever did you get that notion.

jannier · 30/06/2025 20:42

MarvellousMonsters · 30/06/2025 15:26

“Who cares how someone feeds their baby - in real life - no one. Some posters claim to be experts when in reality they’re no better a parent than anyone else”

I care, as do other informed healthcare professionals, we know that infant feeding is a public health issue, and the widespread use of artificial milk is increasing the incidence of lots of health issues, which aside from the pain and suffering these cause, also cost the NHS millions. I don’t claim to be a better parent than anyone, but the 20 years experience I have in infant feeding and lactation possibly might make me, and my colleagues, an expert. Smile

Should professionals try to support or heap guilt onto struggling parents?

Pennyforyourthoughtsplease · 30/06/2025 22:13

Honestly, you seem very obsessed. Perhaps look into getting some therapy rather than trying to dispute the obvious benefits of breastfeeding. I'm not sure why you would want to try to discourage people from breastfeeding, that's really messed up 😒

Parker231 · 30/06/2025 23:11

Pennyforyourthoughtsplease · 30/06/2025 22:13

Honestly, you seem very obsessed. Perhaps look into getting some therapy rather than trying to dispute the obvious benefits of breastfeeding. I'm not sure why you would want to try to discourage people from breastfeeding, that's really messed up 😒

Look up thread - someone asked for details of the study! Are you one of those obsessed with breast feeding, you can’t let anyone come up with an alternative way of doing things.

Very pleased that my DC’s are now grown up and I can see in them the positives of decisions we made.

Pennyforyourthoughtsplease · 30/06/2025 23:15

Parker231 · 30/06/2025 23:11

Look up thread - someone asked for details of the study! Are you one of those obsessed with breast feeding, you can’t let anyone come up with an alternative way of doing things.

Very pleased that my DC’s are now grown up and I can see in them the positives of decisions we made.

I just wonder what sort of person is motivated to try to discourage people from breastfeeding, so perhaps you need to unpack that. Thou doth protest too loudly and all that.

Parker231 · 30/06/2025 23:18

Pennyforyourthoughtsplease · 30/06/2025 23:15

I just wonder what sort of person is motivated to try to discourage people from breastfeeding, so perhaps you need to unpack that. Thou doth protest too loudly and all that.

Where have I said that someone shouldn’t breast feed? Whereas I’ve been told I’m selfish for using formula? Perhaps you need to take a good look at yourself?

Pennyforyourthoughtsplease · 01/07/2025 00:25

Parker231 · 30/06/2025 23:18

Where have I said that someone shouldn’t breast feed? Whereas I’ve been told I’m selfish for using formula? Perhaps you need to take a good look at yourself?

Well yes, it is selfish to choose not to BF, there's no disputing that. But we all do selfish things, and given its 20 years later for you and you're happy with your choice who cares what anyone else thinks. It is weird to advocate against BF though.

jannier · 01/07/2025 13:44

phoenixrosehere · 30/06/2025 20:39

Skin to skin is definitely something but having grew up there, it is definitely not an American fad to only bond one to one. Wherever did you get that notion.

Edited

Many mums on here have been told to ban visitors including all grandparents for the first two to three weeks while the new family bond and to prevent infections.....siting advice originating from American articles..

jannier · 01/07/2025 13:48

Pennyforyourthoughtsplease · 01/07/2025 00:25

Well yes, it is selfish to choose not to BF, there's no disputing that. But we all do selfish things, and given its 20 years later for you and you're happy with your choice who cares what anyone else thinks. It is weird to advocate against BF though.

Why is it selfish if trying to BF is causing a mother to suffer mentally, emotionally or physically? Some mum's can't get BF support so issues don't get resolved if every feed fills mum with dread or pain from a baby who vomits back blood then screams for more food is the mum being selfish for saying I can't suffer this anymore?

Firstsipofcoffee · 01/07/2025 15:26

Emerald95 · 29/06/2025 19:22

I would last night's thread shows some people do in fact feel very strongly with their anti breastfeeding views. But I agree, everyone's circumstances are different so there is no 'right way' for everyone

And you were very clear that your own MiL and SIL are sickened by breastfeeding and have precisely this view.

So ask them surely?!

GoldenRosebee · 02/07/2025 11:49

jannier · 01/07/2025 13:48

Why is it selfish if trying to BF is causing a mother to suffer mentally, emotionally or physically? Some mum's can't get BF support so issues don't get resolved if every feed fills mum with dread or pain from a baby who vomits back blood then screams for more food is the mum being selfish for saying I can't suffer this anymore?

BF didn't work to you... but that doesn't mean we should all not BF.

jannier · 02/07/2025 12:07

GoldenRosebee · 02/07/2025 11:49

BF didn't work to you... but that doesn't mean we should all not BF.

Has anybody said you shouldn't please show me where I've said it's wrong? However their are BFeeding mums on here being very nasty to non BF mums calling them selfish.
By the way I BF mine but will support any mum doing what is best for them.

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