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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Did my manager avoid me?

174 replies

suerte1998 · 28/06/2025 15:57

I wonder whether my manager at work deliberately avoided me and I’d be a little offended if so.

Long story short, my manager is twenty years older and in the past few years I’ve been with the company, he’s been pulled up by his wife (who occasionally comes in) for being too friendly with me. On a handful of occasions, she glared at him really obviously (in front of me) for chatting and laughing with me, offering extra help (not extended to others), and for making comments (though not overly creepy) on my clothes and size of my figure. She obviously doesn’t like him talking to me for whatever reason (though it’s silly imo, I’m a 28 year old woman).

Anyway, usually manager guy (who works from another office usually, so I only see him once a month or so), will come into our office in person if we’ve had some issue (he just has always done so, of course if he could call Teams meetings but he doesn’t). If he doesn’t come in, he has to pay another senior colleague extra hours for coming to see us…. Which he hates as he’s tight!!

Last week I had an important (but not urgent) issue on a project. Manager guy gets in touch and sends over a senior colleague to assist the next day, telling me that he’s “a bit out of his depth with this one” (clearly untrue - he’s dealt with the same issue before). He then turned up to the office a few days later, with his wife (who was next door), and I said, “so did Y tell you about project xyz?”, and he said, “yes… I’m not looking forward to him billing me though!”

Think he deliberately avoided working with me?

OP posts:
PeapodMcgee · 29/06/2025 11:18

aneelli · 29/06/2025 11:17

It’s really no wonder his wife wants him to stay away from you, seems like ur the problem not him. Your deluded to think ur boss commenting on ur small waist and tight skirt is perfectly normal and not sexual, of course it is, why else would he be making such comments openly and looking at you in that way, you clearly make him feel very comfortable enough to do so. His wife isn’t blind and can clearly see your a problem that she had to very quickly nip in the bud. Women like you are disgusting.

😂😂🤣🤣 Textbook batshittery right here!

Jigaliga · 29/06/2025 11:30

I dont think women like the OP are "disgusting", im fairly sure most young women have fallen into the trap of being flattered by some old guy leering at them, and have enjoyed the ego boost that comes with it. Two points though:

  1. At 28 OP, you are coming up to the tipping point where guys like this generally shift their attentions over to women 10 years younger than you. Have a thought flr the fact that you may one day be a 45 year old woman with a partner who keeps letching over women half his age.
  2. At 28, you should know better than to get your kicks from this. Its the kind of thrill some young women naively chase when they're 17 to 24 I'd say, you shouldn't still be looking for validation from this kind of source at your age
PeapodMcgee · 29/06/2025 11:46

Mad how PPs with poor reading comprehension skills are imagining OP remotely enjoys this person's revolting behaviour. Internalised misogyny and ageism proudly on full display here. Absolutely pathetic.

If you're worried about your own letch husbands, that's your own business.

Dodeedoo · 29/06/2025 12:50

aneelli · 29/06/2025 11:17

It’s really no wonder his wife wants him to stay away from you, seems like ur the problem not him. Your deluded to think ur boss commenting on ur small waist and tight skirt is perfectly normal and not sexual, of course it is, why else would he be making such comments openly and looking at you in that way, you clearly make him feel very comfortable enough to do so. His wife isn’t blind and can clearly see your a problem that she had to very quickly nip in the bud. Women like you are disgusting.

Why is the op disgusting and not her boss? Sounds like you hate woman and are abit of a jealous one!!

SardinesOnGingerbread · 29/06/2025 13:06

suerte1998 · 28/06/2025 17:32

Well he’s the boss and HR is an external company who are really acting to help him not the employees.

To be honest his comments weren’t overtly sexual - just comments on my slimness and how my skirts are tight

And now I understand why the wife has a problem with you.

Frige · 29/06/2025 13:09

Oooh you woke up the vipers, OP. 🤣 So many here projecting. Just have to laugh at them - we do.

tripleginandtonic · 29/06/2025 13:13

Stop being such a little flirt OP, and get on with your work.

NeedToAskPlease · 29/06/2025 13:15

I wouldn't have given this situation any headspace. I go to work... to work - and if that means my manager sends someone to help me at his expense.... l really wouldn't care.

You do though... and you need to do some inner searching as to why this matters to you.

PeapodMcgee · 29/06/2025 13:25

tripleginandtonic · 29/06/2025 13:13

Stop being such a little flirt OP, and get on with your work.

Stop talking out of your ass x

Openthisdoor · 29/06/2025 14:26

This thread is crazy! I feel like I’m reading a different post with the way some are lambasting the OP. I can only think that there are a lot of threatened wives/partners out there with creepy, predatory OHs!

suerte1998 · 29/06/2025 15:29

RawBloomers · 29/06/2025 08:36

People who assume the OP is someone else and respond as though her current thread is not in good faith.

This is my first thread here, so I don’t know what other posters tend to be like on here

OP posts:
suerte1998 · 29/06/2025 15:37

aneelli · 29/06/2025 11:17

It’s really no wonder his wife wants him to stay away from you, seems like ur the problem not him. Your deluded to think ur boss commenting on ur small waist and tight skirt is perfectly normal and not sexual, of course it is, why else would he be making such comments openly and looking at you in that way, you clearly make him feel very comfortable enough to do so. His wife isn’t blind and can clearly see your a problem that she had to very quickly nip in the bud. Women like you are disgusting.

So I somehow caused and invited his comments towards me? I don’t go to work dressed like I’m in a nightclub! Even if I did…. It still wouldn’t justify it?

OP posts:
suerte1998 · 29/06/2025 15:45

PeapodMcgee · 29/06/2025 11:46

Mad how PPs with poor reading comprehension skills are imagining OP remotely enjoys this person's revolting behaviour. Internalised misogyny and ageism proudly on full display here. Absolutely pathetic.

If you're worried about your own letch husbands, that's your own business.

Thank you. That one poster who blamed me for “making him feel comfortable enough to make comments”. So it’s my fault I caused them he has no responsibility 😂Although I believe women can wear anything, obviously I am appropriately dressed for work. I’m not wearing Lycra gym clothes🙄

OP posts:
suerte1998 · 29/06/2025 15:47

Openthisdoor · 29/06/2025 14:26

This thread is crazy! I feel like I’m reading a different post with the way some are lambasting the OP. I can only think that there are a lot of threatened wives/partners out there with creepy, predatory OHs!

I didn’t expect it to be honest. People making all kinds of assumptions, completely unfounded, purely because I’m a younger woman and a married man has given me some attention. Is this a trend on Mumsnet? Is it full of bitter women?

OP posts:
suerte1998 · 29/06/2025 15:48

Frige · 29/06/2025 13:09

Oooh you woke up the vipers, OP. 🤣 So many here projecting. Just have to laugh at them - we do.

I’m imagining bitter middle aged women (not that middle aged women are bitter usually - most I know are not!)

OP posts:
MsDDxx · 29/06/2025 15:52

suerte1998 · 28/06/2025 17:49

No it’s not satire - those comments are not directly sexual…. Just saying that someone has a tiny waist or that their skirt fits tight isn’t like saying ‘nice arse’ or ‘banging tits’…

It is - just a politer way of saying it 😂

Emknewbest · 29/06/2025 15:57

suerte1998 · 29/06/2025 15:48

I’m imagining bitter middle aged women (not that middle aged women are bitter usually - most I know are not!)

Oh god, if your husband in future is flirting with the office tart, you might feel differently. Your comment says a lot about you

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · 29/06/2025 15:58

Emknewbest · 29/06/2025 15:57

Oh god, if your husband in future is flirting with the office tart, you might feel differently. Your comment says a lot about you

Have you always been a misogynist, or as it crept up on you as you’ve got older?

Emknewbest · 29/06/2025 16:02

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · 29/06/2025 15:58

Have you always been a misogynist, or as it crept up on you as you’ve got older?

Sorry but OP was upset as the attention stopped, not because it started

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · 29/06/2025 16:04

Emknewbest · 29/06/2025 16:02

Sorry but OP was upset as the attention stopped, not because it started

You think a married boss flirting with his younger direct report is the fault of the woman, not the boss?

anytipswelcome · 29/06/2025 16:09

You said you haven’t said anything derogatory about his wife but described her as the type of women who doesn’t want their husband to have a conversation with anyone of the opposite sex…

suerte1998 · 29/06/2025 17:38

MsDDxx · 29/06/2025 15:52

It is - just a politer way of saying it 😂

Maybe I’m just a bit dense about this stuff then. I always have been a bit. I’d never get “banging tits” anyway (not that I’d want it 🤮)

OP posts:
suerte1998 · 29/06/2025 17:40

Emknewbest · 29/06/2025 15:57

Oh god, if your husband in future is flirting with the office tart, you might feel differently. Your comment says a lot about you

Tart?! What year is this? And it’s irrelevant but I don’t sleep around (nor do I flirt with married men).

OP posts:
suerte1998 · 29/06/2025 17:50

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · 29/06/2025 16:04

You think a married boss flirting with his younger direct report is the fault of the woman, not the boss?

Apparently people on this thread do. And apparently I also must be a “tart” (didn’t know anyone still used that word).🙄

OP posts:
suerte1998 · 29/06/2025 17:52

anytipswelcome · 29/06/2025 16:09

You said you haven’t said anything derogatory about his wife but described her as the type of women who doesn’t want their husband to have a conversation with anyone of the opposite sex…

I said may be, because just having polite conversation with anyone (including members of the opposite sex if you’re straight), isn’t a problem in itself.

OP posts: