Did my manager avoid me?

[suerte1998]

I wonder whether my manager at work deliberately avoided me and I’d be a little offended if so.

Long story short, my manager is twenty years older and in the past few years I’ve been with the company, he’s been pulled up by his wife (who occasionally comes in) for being too friendly with me. On a handful of occasions, she glared at him really obviously (in front of me) for chatting and laughing with me, offering extra help (not extended to others), and for making comments (though not overly creepy) on my clothes and size of my figure. She obviously doesn’t like him talking to me for whatever reason (though it’s silly imo, I’m a 28 year old woman).

Anyway, usually manager guy (who works from another office usually, so I only see him once a month or so), will come into our office in person if we’ve had some issue (he just has always done so, of course if he could call Teams meetings but he doesn’t). If he doesn’t come in, he has to pay another senior colleague extra hours for coming to see us…. Which he hates as he’s tight!!

Last week I had an important (but not urgent) issue on a project. Manager guy gets in touch and sends over a senior colleague to assist the next day, telling me that he’s “a bit out of his depth with this one” (clearly untrue - he’s dealt with the same issue before). He then turned up to the office a few days later, with his wife (who was next door), and I said, “so did Y tell you about project xyz?”, and he said, “yes… I’m not looking forward to him billing me though!”

Think he deliberately avoided working with me?

OP you sound like you enjoy the attention to be fair

You need to re-read the OP, you obviously haven’t understood it.

Edited - Although, maybe don’t bother. Having looked at your other comments on this thread it’s clear that reading comprehension is not something you are bothering with. The pointless, unfounded nastiness in your comments to OP says a lot about you and nothing at all about the situation OP is in.

He is being inappropriate and you know it and you love it.

Hence your antagonism towards his wife and your annoyance that he dissed you, either because the wife has clipped his wings or because you are last months model and he has another right skirt to leer at.

It sounds like he's made very inappropriate comments towards you, in which case presumably you'd want to avoid much contact and therefore him sending someone else to deal with your issue is preferable. Unless I've got that wrong somewhere? As far as his wife goes, I suspect she's had to deal with her husband lusting over a long line of younger employees and CBA with it all. Given his age and the situation he's in, this seems v likely. If you're keen to stay with the company and don't want to raise any grievances about inappropriate behaviour, just be glad that he's now avoiding you - and keep your eye out for other new younger, attractive colleagues joining your company so they don't have to go through the same.

I am curious about this POV which seems to be reflected in several posts on this thread. What has OP said that makes people think she enjoys the attention?

Avoiding contact with the boss of your workplace is likely going to be detrimental to your career. You can dislike being flirted with and still think you’re better off just sucking it up in order to keep getting the career opportunities you would otherwise have.

Thank you. Lots of people commenting haven't read the OP, haven't read any of my replies here, and have just decided that I must be intent on throwing myself at the boss (despite the fact I haven't done anything to suggest that at all!)

I didn't "love' his attention, and I'm not antagonistic towards his wife. I haven't written anything derogatory about his wife at all. In my OP, I wrote that his wife was glaring at him (not me!) because she very obviously was....

This. I asked whether people thought the boss was making a conscious effort to avoid me, based on the information I gave. I never said that I was upset that he might not be making any more comments about my clothing!!

Ffs

I think you need to take your own advice. OP clearly says she used to receive extra help over and above her colleagues. She didn’t seem to have an issue with being singled out then. Now she’s receiving the correct amount and not in receipt of inappropriate comments on her body and clothes (and still receiving support to do her job at that). Yet she’s “offended” now she’s not.

Those are extremely sleazy comments.

And you seem to enjoy it.

Which kind of makes YOU sleazy too.

Yuck.

It's the 'i don't know why his wife is bothered, no one's offended, I'm a 28 yr old woman's which I sort of picture as delivered with chin down, eyes up faux innocence.

Also the fact you mentioned you'd been singled out for help.

In your position I'd be stating 'my sleazy boss (note not 'boss guy🙄) has put himself in a position where my work is affected by the fact his wife can't trust him to lead on my projects, which is reasonable as he loves making sleazy comments'

I think you’re over thinking it. He may have avoided or he may just have been busy and he’s not actually thinking about you at all. I think you like him and are miffed you didn’t get that endorphin hit from him .

If he has done and said those things, surely you’d be pleased he avoided the contact but you sound aggrieved.

OP, this isn't an unusual situation. Every woman ever, in her teens and 20s, has been on the receiving attention of older men, usually taken.
Its not to do with your clothes or your slimness. Its just to do with your age.

What also isnt unusual is for the man's partner to feel wary and for the man to then check his behaviour and pull back.

What's unusual is that it has taken until the age of 28 for you to realise this.

I dont understand why this is bothering you so much?

You first paragraph is full of comment about the wife. I didn't say derogatory. But you are certainly sensitive to her real or imagined disapproval, whilst not at all sensitive to his creepy sexualized comments which you seem fine with and gloss over.

You were certainly enjoying it because you didn't start a thread here about your creepy boss letching.
You started a thread about your creepy boss not letching and not giving you sexual attention.

Had this bothered you, when he stopped the comments, you would have felt nothing but relief that it had stopped. Whereas your response is to be miffed at the loss of attention .

It's pathetic.

Sometimes, people recognise a story or a posting style. Even if there's been a name change.

If you are the only one who gets comments about your figure or flirty banter then yes he does fancy you. But not enough to ruin his marriage.
His wife has probably told him to pack it in or get out so he's stopped. I'd be glad he's acting appropriately and not given it any more thought.
Although it does sound like you fancied him or at least enjoyed his attention.

So you’re all just troll hunting?

OP youre obviously liking some of his comments to even notice that he didn't come and help and then to go and post about it.
he could've been busy, diary conflict, or whatever else but you've jumped the gun and assumed he's singling you out.
you don't know this man or what's in his diary.

if you're genuinely not arsed about the itty bitty tiny waist comments then why are you arsed that he sent someone else in? You shouldn't give it headspace and the fact you are, shows evidently that you enjoy it.

you're coming across like a massive pick me.

his wife probably picked up on it. Along with her husbands sleazy behaviour.

oooo pick me look at me look at my tiny waist
🙄

Who is troll hunting?

The faux naievete is annoying. I think you are flattered by the comments and enjoy the wife's obvious jealousy. I think you get an ego boost from his interest and like having that bit of power over him.

People who assume the OP is someone else and respond as though her current thread is not in good faith.

It’s really no wonder his wife wants him to stay away from you, seems like ur the problem not him. Your deluded to think ur boss commenting on ur small waist and tight skirt is perfectly normal and not sexual, of course it is, why else would he be making such comments openly and looking at you in that way, you clearly make him feel very comfortable enough to do so. His wife isn’t blind and can clearly see your a problem that she had to very quickly nip in the bud. Women like you are disgusting.