To be fed up of fighting my hair?

[Vegwoes]

So I have very wavy hair that seems to be porous by nature and fine. I like the colour (natural) and length (bra strap) and it is in good condition.
But!
It is so so sooo much hard work.

We live in a soft/moderately soft water area, yet when we travel further north to visit family and friends my hair instantly changes almost overnight. It becomes softer, shinier and forms lovely waves. My washing methods and products do not change, so it is clearly not those causing the issue.

1 week back at home and it is like a brillo pad in texture.

We have tried a shower filter, I have tried washing with bottled water, distilled water, to recreate whatever was going on further north, but nothing works. We have an expensive air con unit, a de-humidifier, the whole bloody thing. The house is well ventilated and I can't locate any immediate stressors.

No curly or wavy 'method' makes a difference, I am l loathe to spend any more money on endless new fangled wonder products that never actually do anything. Every time I research this online people insist on you buying more products or gadgets, that you are 'doing it wrong' but I am just weary as f at this point.
I have been trying to make the best of my natural hair for many years.
I suppose I am writing this because I have realised there is a kind of subtle pressure to embrace our natural hair. You have no idea what I have spent in this quest! I am coming to the conclusion that it can be more stressful than good! So I am wondering if anyone else ever just quit fighting it and went back to straightening for an easy life?

I am on that verge, lol.

I sometimes spray my scalp with apple cider vinegar a few minutes before I get into the shower. My hair does come out softer after washing. I just use Dove.

Well obviously you need to move.... Whenever I go to a Scottish island my hair transforms also.

Wish I could move there....

Seriously. As soon as we approach Lancaster i can feel my strands sighing with joy
Now would it become actually thick and glossy if I travelled to the most northern tip of Scotland?.....

My hair is naturally wavy and very thick and it’s the worst to make look nice naturally. And I live in the North! It might look good for one morning or day but never ever longer and usually by evening it’s an ever increasing candy floss cloud.

I just blow dry, straighten and/or curl my hair now. Or chuck it up. It was too much hard work!

I am tempted to go back to my glide heated brush. Anything that twists or snags my hair really fries the ends into crispy stalks.

Any fab heat protectants that really work?

I’m thinking that the water up north is probably harder? And the things you’ve tried are making it softer (shower filter etc)

not sure if there’s a way to make it harder

You know, I just googled this and it says the water in the areas that made my hair ok is the same as here at home.
Wonder if it's the plumbing!!??

Here is a pic of it when I was 'up north', still a bit fluffy but left to dry naturally.
I am also adding a pic of it dried naturally a few weeks later when i got home! The comparison is INSANE.

Oh you could be me!

Every now and then, for no apparent reason, it dries into perfect ringlet curls. By the next day, it's back to being a brillo pad. I can never deliberately recreate the magic. I've spent literally HUNDREDS of pounds on every curly product around. You name it, I've tried it.

The best it's ever been was when I went camping and forgot my wash bag. Had to wash my hair with washing up liquid and then use cheapo silicone based serum and hair gel on it for the week. It was lovely all week. Tried the same stuff when I got home and nope, terrible results.

Even when it does dry into nice looking curls they feel crispy at the ends (and yes I've broken the cast etc, that's just how my hair is).

I’ve been fighting mine for years - fine but wavy. I’ve only just discovered it recently, but having my hair cut into longer layers has made a huge difference. I can now style it by using a diffuser after a curly mousse, making it into ringlets before dropping it into the diffuser. I then use an automatic curler and it gives me soft curls. Whilst I think it looks a bit messy I’ve had several compliments on it, and I can go longer between washes.
(I’m not a high hair-maintenance person by the way, so it doesn’t take me ages!)

I've spent literally HUNDREDS of pounds on every curly product around. You name it, I've tried it.

THIS.
Honestly so tired of it. I know people mean well but online it's usually more product recommendations that hardly ever work for everyone. Then there are the curly communities who are great if you follow the church, but if you can't be arse and go back to straightening they will tell you that you just need some new products...

I recall a few posts in one community where every single person gave me a different product to buy, one said it needed protein, the other said protein would harm it. One said get a satin pillow or sleep in a cap. None of it EVER worked.
Just noooooooooo.....

I guess I mean that if your hair is just generally shit, people can often make you feel as if you are doing it wrong. As if you just pay for this miracle potion it will all go away.
If I had a tooth that grew in oddly and affected my bite, I would get the bugger removed/repaired (money allowing). Likewise if my hair is a nightmare, it's time to take the path of least resistance.

My hair is much better in softer water. Hard water makes mynhaur wiry and brilo and suoer rough. I lived in the south west and now midwales and the water is so hard.

The only thing that works for me is the Lush Rehab leave in conditoner, BUT despite avoiding ny roots within 24hours my roots are oil slick and then I need to wash again. But it softens my strands and makes nice curls and waves. But yeah oil slick head after a day. And normally I only wash my hair twice a week.

Yeh, I have had luck with Aussie moisture and some olive oil, but that's about it. Even then, if it gets slightly wet, it turns to brillo. Winter comes and it calms down.

I do think we are in a soft water area which is odd. It says ours is similar to cumbria and scotland. No idea what's up. Maybe we have weird pipes!

Yes! And people get So Fucking Snippy about it when you don't want to take their advice and spend another £50 on their recommended products. Plus no, I can't start fucking diffusing, I literally barely have time to wash it twice a week FFS.

We are about to go on holiday to somewhere with very soft water (unlike home where the water is so hard we go through a kettle every 8-12 months 😬) so I'll take notice this time and see if I think it's better!

Water is awful where I live but tbh my hair is always awful. I have given up and straighten it. Nothing absolutely nothing makes any difference.

I love my natural hair shape and would accept it in a heartbeat if it didn't fuzz up so.

Aside from that my life is 100% easier if I smooth it out. Takes 10 mins. I would prefer to have the waves but it is too much, just too much work. I have tried everything but people in curly communities never believe you. There's this presumption that you are a novice.

I mean, yes love, I know I can plop and use prayer hands and diffuse to all buggery but I don't want to go through all that only to look like I've fallen onto an electric fence.

I am not that lucky type of wavy girl who squishes to condish resulting in shiny mermaid hair,.

How to keep the ends from getting parched if I do straighten, though?

I think you just have to trim the ends frequently tbh. Or try a serum, Home Bargains do a decent one in a pink bottle which is only about £2.50 and works great on my frazzled ends. I don't even straighten, the ends are just...like that.

And yes to the (annoying and patronising) presumption that you're a novice! Nope, some of us just have shit unmanageable hair. I've lived with mine for 45 years. Trust me, I know my own hair

True. Sometimes you just need the cuticle to lie flat and get on with your day. The holy grail of frizz relief never comes.

@ShittyHottieYou could descale your kettle and it might last longer !

I do - but unless I do it weekly from the week I buy the kettle, it isn't very effective. I also keep one of those wire wool things in it which I clean every week. They still break. Over 4 years we went through 5 kettles. I've gone back using a whistling one on the hob instead now, which is less fuel efficient but I'm pretty sure it works out cheaper anyway.

The shower head furs up too, the holes get completely crusted with limescale every couple of weeks and barely any water comes out. And don't even get me started on the state of the toilets, they're brown within days every time I clean them and there's a black limescale build up that just Won't Come Off inside both of them despite regular cleaning.

There's a limit to how many chemicals I want to use every week tbh, and no, white vinegar does not do the job.

Our water is hard. Like, really hard. We are on a private water supply not mains water so I assume that's why.

(I don't think it's the sole reason my hair is shit though because I have only lived here a few years, before that I lived in various places all over the UK and I had shit hair in all of them )

Your hair is similar to mine so I hear you! My routine at the moment is wash about 2-3 times a week, apply a generous dollop of Boots curl creme when wet, dry with a diffuser (but use as a straightening tool rather than curling it), then a quick straighten. It always goes back to waves anyway, no matter if i straighten it, but is more manageable. No way can I just leave it to dry naturally - it would look like a haystack!

Ok. I know you said no new products but hear me out.

Cheap gel. Like the stuff that costs a couple of quid and comes in a pot. You could buy the £5 version that's green and contains olive oil.

On sopping wet hair apply a dollop, smoothing as you go. You could do some finger twists or not.

It'll give your hair some hold but it won't do what a lot of other curly products do, which is weigh it down or make it greasy. It just helps keep everything smooth and in place.

Worth a try?

Hi, I’ve got curly hair as well but go to a curly and Afro hair hair salon. I had similar issues to you until I went there and my brilliant stylist (who I now go to all the time) told me that the secret is to use gel on the hair while it is still soaking wet, preferably when you are still in the shower! Use it after you used the shampoo and conditioner and then leave the gel in. I found that this worked for me, then I brush it out and either let it dry naturally or diffuse it. It doesn’t matter what gel , use any of them.

I know you said please don’t advise further, and sorry for giving you more advice! It’s just that this is one tip I didn’t read anywhere else and it actually works for me and might be worth a try!

Hope this helps 😀