Is reading on holiday sometimes selfish?

[Pinstripeharmony]

I enjoy reading, my husband doesn't read at all (he's an intelligent, well-rounded man but he's just never been into reading). At home I read while he's out, playing sport/running, watching a a show I'm not interested in etc.

I would like to get some books to take on an upcoming holiday. It's not a pool holiday but for when we come back, before dinner. It's a hot place and we have a lovely balcony. The problem is I feel so guilty about it, because what will he do? In the past he's taken puzzle books but that doesn't keep you occupied as long as reading. Consequently I feel like I can read because it's selfish, or not as long as I'd like to! For clarity he has never complained or mentioned anything, this is all from me. His usual activities aren't available so I just feel really guilty!

So my AIBU is "is reading on holiday selfish when you are with a non-reader and there aren't typical holidayish activities like swimming available?"

If he hasn’t commented on it, I’d go for it.

The problem is I feel so guilty about it, because what will he do?

He's a grown man, I'm sure he can work out how to amuse himself.

Good lord, he is presumably an adult who has a job?

Stop over thinking it.
You are not obligated to entertain your husband all of the time.
Just use to your words and say to him "I'd like to relax for an hour or two before dinner by reading".

He can:
Have a nap
Go for a walk.
Go to a bar /cafe
Stare into space
Do a puzzle book
Knit

Whatever. He is a grown up. He can decide and execute his decision himself.

Having an hour a day to do an activity you choose is not an unreasonable thing to do on holiday.

Seriously? You’re contemplating not doing something you want to do on holiday because a grown adult can’t amuse himself?

It’s not selfish. I’ve always read on holiday. Gives you partner time to go do something else. Being in each others pockets 24/7 isn’t great.

Why not just say "I am really looking forward to reading on holiday, I hope it's ok if i take some time each day to read?".

Then hopefully he will be happy with that and plan what to do with himself while you read.

and if he isn't happy you bury him under the patio and enjoy a nice peaceful solo holiday

So when he goes and does his sport / running at home do you think he worries about what you’re going to do?

Of course you read on holiday. I'm sure he can listen to music, watch TV or play with his phone

I wouldn't go on holidays if l couldn't read. My dh, who never reads, has no problem with it. He might listen to a podcast/ go for a walk or a swim. It's absolutely never an issue. Bring your books.

I think it's totally fine to read on holiday. For me it's part of relaxing. If I was going with someone else who wasn't likely to read I would probably lower my expectations of how much I'm going to read though. I don't see any harm in talking to him about it - if he's in any way decent he'll say it doesn't bother him because as others have said he can do something else. If you've your head in a book the entire time ignoring him or not going out/ doing things together then I think fair enough- that could be selfish but if you're picking your times and reading the room then it's fine.

Can he download some films on an iPad and take it with him?

I read a lot and read for hours on holiday, I’m also very good with my own company and entertaining myself for unlimited time.

My DP is often happy to sit and relax for a while on a balcony or beach whilst I read but if I’m really into a book and can’t put it down then I do feel guilty at just leaving him to look after himself. Dp isn’t very good at entertaining himself for long periods and it makes it harder to enjoy a book when someone is sitting next to you giving off a bored restless energy.

Now I make sure there is decent WiFi so he can scroll on his phone,
get him magazines to read,
send him to the shop for something or download films on the iPad.
He also FaceTimes family.

I go on holiday on my own sometimes with a huge stack of books. People used to act like they felt sorry for me and commented on how lonely it must be, they seem surprised when I say it’s my choice and I prefer going alone.

We have the same situation. I'm a reader, he isn't. It's always been a source of tension on holiday but I have a right to enjoy my time there as much as he does.

Actually I do understand your dilemma.

DH and I are both readers. So is DD, who is actually now a fully independent adult so no longer comes on holiday with us usually. Part of our family tradition before going on holiday is to have a trip to do holiday shopping, where one of the main items on the agenda is books. Many times as a family we have mooched around the big Waterstones in Manchester and come away with a substantial stack of books to take with us.

However, I remember years ago, in our early married life, going away on holiday with PILs and my recently widowed DM. I soon realised that while most of us had taken a stack of holiday reading DM, who was never a big reader, had taken just a couple of magazines. I had privately decided I would just have to forego the books to keep Mum company. However, as it turned out, PILs and DM got on so well that mostly they sat and talked anyway.

But I do get where you are coming from. It is a fine line between being antisocial and having reasonable expectations that someone can entertain themselves. There is a companiable togetherness about both sitting there with your head in a book. But one of you reading while the other just sits there? Hmm. Can you take a pack of cards? Takes up almost no space, lots of potential entertainment.

Why are his usual activities not available? Why can’t he go out for a walk or a run or watch a film just because you’re abroad?

How does he cope at work if he can’t even come up with an enjoyable downtime activity for himself while you read a few books?

I'd take my books but go with the flow. So if my husband wants to play cards/games/do crosswords/have a chat/go to the bar for a cocktail together, I'd go along with that. If he just wants to veg, I'll pick up my book, he can sort himself out. For us, the best thing about being on holiday is quality time together.

I hope not OP as I love sticking my head in book.

The last couple of holidays have been close to some nice gyms so DH was entertained - one of them he had to pay each time but one did a weeks membership so he popped off there when he was getting twitchy - and took DS too who also has a problem with being bored within 15 mins of anything remotely relaxing.

I don't think it's selfish, but I'd aim for balance and plenty of together time around it.

IMO if someone were to take themself off for the whole afternoon or worse, the whole day, reading leaving their travel buddy alone, then this is selfish. But what you say, for an hour or so at the end of the day, not really.

Thanks everyone for your opinions. I think that's what we'll do, set aside and hour-90 mins a day for reading/ whatever activity he wants to do.

It'll be an active holiday so I doubt he'll want to go for a run (too hot as well, I think) and we'll be doing lots of walking. At home had an x-box which he occasionally uses but obvs can't take that. Good point about downloading shows - can definitely do that (we have very different tastes so an extra good idea!)

Yes of course he can entertain himself in general but it's different pottering at home than being in a holiday apartment. Will definitely take cards and a few games, we like cards but generally together so excellent idea to learn some new one player games.

Thanks again.

It's your holiday as well isn't it?
You're not the hired help on the clock, you're allowed to do activities you like as well.

You don't exist to entertain your DH, it sounds like a very DH centric world you live in.

its your holiday too, and you aren’t there just for his entertainment.

My husband isn’t a reader either and I kind of get what you’re saying as a good book can become all consuming but as you are only reading in evening it shouldn’t really be an issue.. maybe your husband could get into podcasts ?

+10000

It’s not selfish at all. If your DH wants to be doing a relaxing activity alongside you while you are reading he can listen to music, do puzzles or watch a film on his phone/ iPad. Download them before he goes if there’s no WiFi. If he prefers to be active I’m sure he can find something to do. It’s not as if you are spending the whole holiday refusing to do anything but read.

If you are in an apartment they often have Smart TVs with Netflix now .