Is reading on holiday sometimes selfish?

[Pinstripeharmony]

I enjoy reading, my husband doesn't read at all (he's an intelligent, well-rounded man but he's just never been into reading). At home I read while he's out, playing sport/running, watching a a show I'm not interested in etc.

I would like to get some books to take on an upcoming holiday. It's not a pool holiday but for when we come back, before dinner. It's a hot place and we have a lovely balcony. The problem is I feel so guilty about it, because what will he do? In the past he's taken puzzle books but that doesn't keep you occupied as long as reading. Consequently I feel like I can read because it's selfish, or not as long as I'd like to! For clarity he has never complained or mentioned anything, this is all from me. His usual activities aren't available so I just feel really guilty!

So my AIBU is "is reading on holiday selfish when you are with a non-reader and there aren't typical holidayish activities like swimming available?"

You’re going on a slightly different holiday to usual, I assume he is aware of this and it’s not a surprise? He’s knows you’re not staying in the uk? He understands it’s an active holiday so he might not fancy a run after a day out? He knows you like to read? Why do you need to have a conversation with him about how he’s going to fill his spare time? It’s ridiculous. I hope you’re not packing for him as well.

That period between the day's activities and whatever we're doing in the evening is one of our favourite bits of a holiday.

We each go and do our own thing for an hour or two, maybe read, watch something on iPad and/or have a nap.

When you're on holiday you're probably spending more time in each other's faces than you do in everyday life so it's nice to have some quiet time to yourself each day.

It's selfish when parents read roound the pool instead of playing with the kids in the water, or playing in general.
They are only young for a short while.

lol right?! If it were me, I’d just let my OH know that in the evenings I’d like some alone chill time back in the apartment just reading for an hour or so, so to make sure he brings some portable computer games/one player cards/mags or some such so he also has something to do if he’s planning on staying indoors also. That should suffice surely?!

There’s no way I’d be asking permission .

I'm shocked that anyone feels the need to ask permission to read.

Quite frankly, I would be bored to tears if I couldn't read. I read on the flight, I read in the evening and I read in bed.

How on earth does he occupy his mind if he doesn't read?

Is it? I think it depends. I absolutely love playing with my children. I play every day with them. It's one of the utter joys of being a parent.

But they also need and enjoy time to play by themselves. And parents need to recharge.

And I am not so good at playing when there are people watching. I am too shy. At home we play heaps of imaginary games and I can have them laughing so hard they cry (and even once or twice, have wet themselves) but I am more reserved out of the house. And I also like seeing them play independently or make new friends.

Poolside or beach side though I wouldnt read because I always feel it is my job to be their main lifeguard. I always have eyes on them, and until they were very strong swimmers I always stayed within an arms reach or them. But at a playground or similar I wouldn't judge a parent enjoying a book while they left their children to play.

Could you bring your husband a colouring book or maybe download some episodes of teletubbies to keep him entertained? Alternatively you could read to him? Pick up a copy of the Beano from the airport

Reading on holiday is not selfish.

Play games on his phone? Read a forum (introduce him to Mumsnet)

This basically.

You just let him know that you need there to be some quiet time before dinner where you can each do your thing.

The only time it would be selfish would be if you were on hols with very small children and one partner was leaving the other as default parent whilst they read, without returning the favour.

Of course it's not selfish. You don't have to always do everything together.
I'm sure he can find something to do. He shouldn't need to have your attention all the time like a child

My DH hates it when I sit and read on holiday or on the plane - so I take at least 2 books with me 😂

Jokes aside, I try and keep it in little burst and read a few chapters here and a few chapters there, I understand how you feel. DH just sits there while I read and I feel guilty - but that's all on me

This is it! It's definitely on me. Some comments are unkind - he certainly doesn't need entertaining like a child!

It's a standard holiday for us (he doesn't usually run here either as we do a lot of hiking), it's just abroad not in the UK so you can't just shove the telly on for a bit. That's mostly what I meant. But he can just download some programmes in advance so that's all good.

How does he occupy his mind during a flight?

God I love it when DP gets her nose in a book for a few hours on holiday!

Gives me an opportunity to go off and explore on my own. Go for a walk, get some peace and quiet, maybe find a bar to sit in for a bit and watch the world go by. It's bliss!

I can’t believe you restrict your own reading on holiday because your husband ‘hates it’ and needs amusing.

@RampantIvy I didnt mean ask permission as such, more a heads up - a courtesy question as it were. So her husband knows to make plans to occupy himself some of the time.

I used to struggle to understand people who don't read, but I now have a child with severe dyslexia. She's outgoing, she loves chatting. She hates books. For quiet time she will draw or write songs or play games on her phone but really she is a huge extrovert that wants to be around people. She's intelligent and deeply thoughtful, she makes amazing wise observations about the world and has so much empathy and creativity. She just can't relax and enjoy books.

How does it even occur to you that this is something you need to worry about?! I read a lot - especially on holiday - and DH never reads. Not once in all our time together have I ever thought about what he is going to be doing whilst I'm reading!!!

😆

😂

So it isnt really taking time away from anything. I'm sure he'd love to have a few minutes to himself so he doesn't have to chat with you. What I'm getting at is, why you're feeling guilty if it literally makes zero difference to your holiday other than you'd chat one hour less with the perosn you're spending 24/7 with.

Umm. I think this is legitimate grounds for homicide. Holidays are for reading (or they were, and will be again, when my kids get older anyway. But I always get them a couple of good books for them to read on holiday!)

Not selfish at all, holidays are for relaxing!

I am a reader, my husband isn’t. Pre kids we would just balance the time, if we fancied a morning at the pool / beach I would bring my book, he would listen to podcasts, sleep, go for a wander. When he started getting bored or restless he would usually appear with a drink or ice cream and that would be my sign to put my book away for a bit and spend some time together.