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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is reading on holiday sometimes selfish?

94 replies

Pinstripeharmony · 26/06/2025 23:45

I enjoy reading, my husband doesn't read at all (he's an intelligent, well-rounded man but he's just never been into reading). At home I read while he's out, playing sport/running, watching a a show I'm not interested in etc.

I would like to get some books to take on an upcoming holiday. It's not a pool holiday but for when we come back, before dinner. It's a hot place and we have a lovely balcony. The problem is I feel so guilty about it, because what will he do? In the past he's taken puzzle books but that doesn't keep you occupied as long as reading. Consequently I feel like I can read because it's selfish, or not as long as I'd like to! For clarity he has never complained or mentioned anything, this is all from me. His usual activities aren't available so I just feel really guilty!

So my AIBU is "is reading on holiday selfish when you are with a non-reader and there aren't typical holidayish activities like swimming available?"

OP posts:
sandgrown · 27/06/2025 11:02

My ex used to sleep . Scroll on his phone or spend ages trying to get an English speaking channel on the TV . He would happily watch ancient episodes of Columbo or The Love Boat 😂

fiveIsNewOne · 27/06/2025 11:04

Good update.

How I see it - it's of course ok to want to read in your downtime. And the pro-partnership thing to do is to tell him before you go that you'd love to have some reading time and if he wants to pack something extra, he should do it

Nearly50omg · 27/06/2025 11:06

He doesn’t give a crap about what you do when he does his sport stuff so you need to remember that!!! You are entitled to do things you enjoy too!!!

user65342 · 27/06/2025 11:07

Why would it be unreasonable to do what you want to do on your holiday? I can get through a book a day on holiday and wouldn’t even think that I should be responsible for keeping a grown adult entertained. Why are you only reading when he is otherwise occupied at any time, on holiday or at home?

TokyoSushi · 27/06/2025 11:07

I think it probably is a teeny bit selfish, but...

I am a massive reader on holiday, it's one of the things that I most look forward to. DH is not a reader at all, but we have been together for 25 years so he knows this is how it is and he's happy to amuse himself and leave me be!

Whocanresist · 27/06/2025 11:09

Of course you can read! My exh was not a reader but on holiday I would take one or two (easy) books he might like and he would read one around the pool just for something to do and just like nearly everyone else! What about special interest magazines?

MoriftedinaFrenchEscapeRoom · 27/06/2025 11:42

Maybe get a special box of individually wrapped toys - he can have one every 15 minutes. Include some raisin snack boxes as well.

Disturbia81 · 27/06/2025 11:57

MoriftedinaFrenchEscapeRoom · 27/06/2025 11:42

Maybe get a special box of individually wrapped toys - he can have one every 15 minutes. Include some raisin snack boxes as well.

🤣

Can’t he just go sunbathe/swim

MyIvyGrows · 27/06/2025 11:59

I laughed out loud at that @MoriftedinaFrenchEscapeRoom . But it’s actually a realistic response to a bizarre question.

An adult man does not need someone to organise activities or ways to spend his time. If he is bored, then who cares? It’s your holiday too and a few hours a day reading is hardly constant.

Swiftie1878 · 27/06/2025 12:01

Remind him you’ll be reading. Suggest he downloads some podcasts or something.
Then it’s up to him! x

Rewis · 27/06/2025 12:03

What would you be doing if you were not reading? Are you asking to go to hotel early to read?

Itisnotdownonanymap · 27/06/2025 12:10

Reading is one of the best parts of being on holiday! It would be very unreasonable if he were to stop you doing that, but it sounds as if you have a pretty good balance

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 27/06/2025 12:15

My ex used to call me selfish for reading on holiday. It's one of the reason he is an ex!

Your DH knows you like reading so surely he will expect you to do that at some point?

DontTouchRoach · 27/06/2025 12:20

He’s an adult who can decide for himself how he wants to spend a hour of free time. Can you not exist in companionable silence entertaining yourselves with different activities side by side for an hour or two?

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 27/06/2025 12:22

This is ridiculous. Just read your books and let an adult amuse himself.

pelargoniums · 27/06/2025 12:31

I couldn’t go on holiday with someone who couldn’t independently occupy themselves for a bit! I don’t need or want to spend all day with DP; it wouldn’t even occur to me not to read or wonder what he’ll do while I’m reading.

Original poster
Pinstripeharmony · 27/06/2025 12:36

Thanks again for the replies. As I said in my OP, he has never expressed a concern about reading and I'm sure he can occupy himself, it's more how I feel about it so this has been helpful as you've shown me it's not selfish! We usually holiday in the UK, so there are more things available. But pp have kindly suggested downloading shows/podcasts (he is a fan). So as long as we have a conversation about it first, it'll be fine. He would be more than happy to listen to a podcast or watch a show, but I do think it's important I set expectations so we are both happy.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinstripeharmony · 27/06/2025 12:37

Rewis · 27/06/2025 12:03

What would you be doing if you were not reading? Are you asking to go to hotel early to read?

Probably chatting, playing games etc. but there will be time for that too!

OP posts:
caringcarer · 27/06/2025 12:39

I don't think it's selfish to want to relax on holiday. Nothing to stop your DH from going for a run on holiday or going for a look around on his own. Everyone deserves to relax in their own way. It's not like your beaking him care for 3 or 4 DC singlehandedly whilst to sit reading.

Wiennetta · 27/06/2025 12:42

Why don’t you just ask him?

My husband and I both read a bit - not loads and loads but usually have a book on the go. If we were going away we’d just have a chat when we were packing to agree if we wanted to take a couple of books, download some movies, take a card game etc.

I think if you agree up front what your plans are he can then plan ahead eg download a show to watch.

But this is the sort of thing that surely a five minute chat could resolve?

alexalisten · 27/06/2025 12:46

He's an adult he doesn't need entertaining does he have a an iPad, or he can go for a walk or have a nap, or go for a pint. You're not siamese twins

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/06/2025 12:50

Good grief no. And honestly if he thought it was, would you really want to be married to him? Reading is about 50% of the point of going on holiday!

There are a gazillion ways for an intelligent and self-sufficient adult to entertain themselves and you're not a show-pony or a teacher. You're way overthinking this.

Original poster
Pinstripeharmony · 27/06/2025 12:53

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/06/2025 12:50

Good grief no. And honestly if he thought it was, would you really want to be married to him? Reading is about 50% of the point of going on holiday!

There are a gazillion ways for an intelligent and self-sufficient adult to entertain themselves and you're not a show-pony or a teacher. You're way overthinking this.

You're right, I am. I generally overthink everything so it shouldn't come as a surprise! It's been really helpful to reframe my mind. I think if I'd just spoken to him first without asking on here, he'd probably have had a similar response! So I can still have the conversation but frame it in a way where I don't think bonkers!

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinstripeharmony · 27/06/2025 12:54

alexalisten · 27/06/2025 12:46

He's an adult he doesn't need entertaining does he have a an iPad, or he can go for a walk or have a nap, or go for a pint. You're not siamese twins

Yes he does have a tablet. There's nowhere to walk to for a pint unfortunately but there's definitely pretty local places to wander.

OP posts:
Ohtobemycat · 27/06/2025 13:01

I read a book on our last holiday and we went with our kids and my partner doesnt really read.
He listened to music, watched some stuff on his mobile, read the news on his mobile, slept etc.

Maybe if you are worried about it just say you are hoping to read a new book on holiday, see what he says.

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