Is reading on holiday sometimes selfish?

[Pinstripeharmony]

I enjoy reading, my husband doesn't read at all (he's an intelligent, well-rounded man but he's just never been into reading). At home I read while he's out, playing sport/running, watching a a show I'm not interested in etc.

I would like to get some books to take on an upcoming holiday. It's not a pool holiday but for when we come back, before dinner. It's a hot place and we have a lovely balcony. The problem is I feel so guilty about it, because what will he do? In the past he's taken puzzle books but that doesn't keep you occupied as long as reading. Consequently I feel like I can read because it's selfish, or not as long as I'd like to! For clarity he has never complained or mentioned anything, this is all from me. His usual activities aren't available so I just feel really guilty!

So my AIBU is "is reading on holiday selfish when you are with a non-reader and there aren't typical holidayish activities like swimming available?"

It’s a problem isn’t it. It’s taken me two marriages and a third LTR before I found someone who is genuinely happy either to read along with me or to let me read.

I would have thought reading was part of being 'well rounded'

It wouldn't occur to me that it was selfish, but I read all the time! DH also reads on holiday, but not quite so much at home. I would have thought he could find some way to entertain himself while you are reading, but at the same time he may find he is left to himself more than he would like.

I think it would be worth asking him if he minds at all? The answer may well be no.

It’s genuinely never occurred to me that reading on holiday is selfish? I read loads and usually take about 12 books away with me. Partner doesn’t read. He amuses himself whenever I’m reading…he’s a grown man.

Reading all day every day would probably be selfish and boring for your DH but I don't think a few hours a day is a problem. I'd want my DH to be entertaining himslef some of the time if we were on holiday. We've been together 20 years, I don't think we're interesting enough to give each other our full attention all day every day like we did pre-children.

I read loads and usually take about 12 books away with me

I take hundreds because they are all on my kindle. Gone are the days when my luggage is weighed down by books.

Sounds like a perfect holiday- being on my own with a pile of books!!!

Absolutely not. I read constantly on holiday - that's a big part of why I enjoy a holiday. My husband has never objected - although he did buy me a Kindle, so he wasn't dragging around bags with stacks of books in them!

He can amuse himself. He's not complained or said anything about her reading on holiday. She just feels guilty about it, which of course she shouldn't.

I had to triple check you didn't mean DS and were referring to a pre-teen
Why is it your responsibility to make sure he has things to entertain himself, ffs?

Between your post and the OP some of my past relationships are starting to make sense if men are genuinely infantalised to this degree.

Update: so I had a quick convo with my husband and then send him the link to the thread. He basically said what everyone else had been saying - "I'm not a child, of course I can entertain myself!" He did enjoy the one about getting a pint by himself.

It was my overactive brain, off to Waterstones!

Do you ever get to go away on your own, OP?

I don't go on holiday by myself (like most people).

I see people playing games on their phones while their partners snooze or read. There shouldn't be an obligation on the reader to entertain the non reader.

You are a nicer person than me OP, it wouldn't occur to me to care what Dh does! My dh goes running every day whenever he wants, he watches his teams matches whenever they are on regardless of what I feel like doing that day so no I wouldn't worry about him at all! Reading on holiday is one of my favourite pleasures in the world, if I was denied it I'd rather stay home and read and let him go on holidays alone!

I find the intensity of a holiday a bit much anyway, I like time alone everyday and dh understands this, he likes his time too but we've learned I need more alone time than he does so he tries to respect that. We might split up for an afternoon and meet for dinner and everyone is happier for it. I know some couples don't work that way.

I also have a non-reading dh.

I read and he watches TV, browses on his phone, listens to music or a podcast or just flat out naps (He's a napper, I'm not).

Happy healthy kids play with other kids, or can play alone for short periods. The kid who can't play without an adult constantly intervening is the child who is in difficulty socially and emotionally. If a child demands constant attention and the adult keeps giving it then they are enabling a damaging dependency. Adults playing with kids tend to lead the play and dominate, interfering with the child's development. It's lovely to play for a few minutes and back off but I would argue the parents constantly playing with their kids are the selfish ones, or misguided ones. The ones quietly supervising are doing a better job.

We eat, we drink, we chat, i read a bit and he flicks through the duty free mag

Opening sentence of my post was a joke, it literally says jokes aside

He doesn't hate it, I just feel ignorant sat reading, that's on me not my DH