that this report card comment can be misconstrued

[cyclops123]

DD ( 12) got report card that says amongst other things

" Key for DD to succeed will be focusing on implementing healthy sleep
and nutrition."

What impressions do you form of the child and of the parent ?
FYI, DD gets fed properly at home. I can't control what she eats at school.
Also, involved in a nasty divorce.

It sounds like the inmates are running the asylum. For goodness sake, you are the PARENT. You cannot control everything she eats (where does she get the money for food at school?). Is it for an actual meal or snacks? If its snacks and you give her the money for it, stop. She is a child. She needs proper rest. I would die a thousand deaths if the school contacted me and said my child was falling asleep in class. You must be the topic of conversation of the teachers room.

But if you are the one notifying them of the issue what's the problem with them noting it on the report for DD to see?

As someone who works in a secondary school i am assuming she is exhausted whilst there. I am also guessing she isn't learning anywhere near her capability because of it. I am also guesing she needs the Internet off earlier to get a proper sleep which they are trying to tell you. At 12 she probably needs to be asleep by about 10 pm to get adequate sleep.

The nutrition area baffles me unless she is coming in hungry from skipping breakfast and saying she us hungry of staff see signs she is.

Are they reflecting back the lack of sleep and poor nutrition you raised with them?

ie we are all on the same page.

Honestly I have a kid that sleeps poorly - despite by best efforts - but I've never mentioned it to the school - same with diet - mine mostly went in with packed lunches but I expect as teens they did eat junk - so nutriention at home was upped - never expect the school to solve or mointor that for us.

Seem you raised these as issue so this teacher knows they are issues for this child - this may just be acknowledging that.

You don't have to be a doctor to worry about a child who seems out of sorts.

When I am tired, I crave and eat more junk food - I wonder if that is what she is doing. I think the idea she needs to be online until 11 or 12 for homework is bs - either she does in which case there needs to be a discussion of why it is taking her so long. Or she is lying (which is not unusual at that age) and it needs to be nipped in the bud.

Why do you not have access to her homework app? Contact the school and get access.

Stop avoiding the issue. You need to parent your child and get her to bed earlier and get her up for school.

Ffa some parent abdicate all responsibility and then complain when someone notices

Talk to the teacher?
Sounds like they care.

Possible she is showing up in the morning with an energy drink and some sweets? Or that she has mentions to the teacher that she is eating sweets etc rather than lunch.

Do you take DD’s phone at a certain time ? Don’t forget that she can use data or watch movies that she downloaded before you turn off the wifi

I don't think you mentioned whether your DD is at Primary or Secondary school?

If Secondary, I'm surprised the teachers know what she's eating. They're not usually around the dinner hall, and there would be way too many pupils for them to notice the details.

This!

Wtf is your 12yr old doing up at midnight on the internet? Yes your exH will likely pull up on that because it's absolutely unacceptable and you're allowing it.

You're literally telling the school to expect your kid to fall asleep in class because you let her go to bed in the early hours of the morning. Do you know how abnormal that is? Over my 3DC I can count on one hand how many times I've had to tell the teacher they've had a bad night's sleep and that's for all 3 of them. None have ever fallen asleep in class. I don't know of any child that has, and certainly not a 12yr old.

Does she get breakfast when she has to be dragged out of bed last minute and rushed to school because she's only had 5hrs sleep?

Parent your child fgs.

If she's buying crap at school, can you stop providing lunch money and send her with a healthy lunch instead?

It's difficult to get these things right as a school. In our reception year, a teacher received a tongue lashing from a parent after the nurse visit resulted in parent being told the child was overweight at 4.
12 years later the child is the size of me amd the mom combined and she'll still not have anyone tell her anything about it. Nope, no physical illness- just a shockingly poor diet and as sugar does, it encourages over consumption.

I say that to say, if there's any basis ro what is written, speak ro school and let them see you at least trying to implement changes.

I have three children. We've all had the occasional late night, but none of them have ever fallen asleep in school, except when my oldest son has sleep apnea. Maybe you need to speak to her doctor.

How much homework are they giving a 12-year-old that she can't get it done before bedtime?

Whaaaat? You're letting her sleep in if she has a late night? How is she ever going to break the pattern?

It seems to me that you are neglecting your child. It’s insane that you let her have a device until midnight. Of course she won’t get to sleep easily after staring at a screen for hours. Then to let her sleep in and be late for school - how will she ever establish a normal
sleep pattern if you keep doing this?
The food is within your control as I assume you are providing the money for her to buy junk.
You seem to be more worried about what your husband thinks than the welfare of your child.

You say you know she needs to be asleep by 9.30, but you're waiting until 11 or 12 before you step in and do anything. Why?

And you don't know what she's doing online. That's a huge problem.

I’m afraid it does suggest you are t feeding her well or managing her sleep. I can’t really see any other way to interpret it - and if she’s falling asleep …

What time does the school ask DD to be off the internet by?

TBH if I was you ex, I’d be using this against you. Parent your child ffs

How is she getting junk food at school? If she's using her lunch money to buy cookies instead of meals then just send her with a packed lunch and don't put money on the school account

I think you’re over interpreting this and being very over sensitive - understandable because of the divorce you’re going through - but 12 year olds should be taking responsibility for their own sleep and nutrition a bit more. It’s directed at your DD, not you as a parent; and it sounds like a perfectly reasonable, even neutral, comment from a teacher who is being fair (what 12 y o doesn’t need more sleep and better nutrition? I can say this as I have a 13 y o DD!)

It also sounds like the kind of thing the teacher had probably put on most other report forms as well. It could have been put on my report aged 12 and it would have been fair. (TBH it could be put on my work appraisal form now and I’d agree it was fair enough!)

Don’t overthink it. Odds are that half the kids in the class got that comment. Or your DD looks tired and the teacher once saw her rings packet of crisps. Who knows. See if DD can go to bed a bit earlier and don’t think any more of it. Sorry you’re having a bad time, OP. 💐

I had some really boring teachers but the only person who actually fell asleep in class had narcolepsy

^This is insane 😆 Do you know what an average secondary school is like? I can assure you that a 12 y o kid who’s yawning in class is not^ going to be “the topic of conversation” in the staff room 🤣

I can’t understand why this is a problem if she as you say was on internet until dusabled? Or are you more worried what your ex will think?