that this report card comment can be misconstrued

[cyclops123]

DD ( 12) got report card that says amongst other things

" Key for DD to succeed will be focusing on implementing healthy sleep
and nutrition."

What impressions do you form of the child and of the parent ?
FYI, DD gets fed properly at home. I can't control what she eats at school.
Also, involved in a nasty divorce.

I would ask for a meeting and discuss this, but my first thought would be that the teacher(s) observed what seemed to be a chronic lack of energy and general lethargy, and perhaps spoke with your daughter and got the impression she wasn't eating. That seems more likely than that she's regularly eating junk food in class. Do any of the other comments seem unusual or give more context? Also, do you know if the comments on the report are freeform (teacher may phrase however they think best) or selected from preset choices? If it's the latter, that may account for it not seeming quite on target to your daughter's situation.

I am actually also pissed off with schools food, they have a bakery, a street food hut and a canteen.
My son will eat a pan au chocolate for break, then chips, lunch might eat another bakery item and maybe the main meal.
I dont know why they sell crappy food as a kid in a sweetshop is not going to choose the carrots.

She’s 12! Take away the device at night ffs! It’s parenting. Take it away at 8 and you will find she sleeps better

I'd approach the teacher who wrote it and say that you feel he/she could have spoken to you privately if they had a concern. To put it on a report card like that is not encouraging or helpful - it's judgemental and thoughtless...and a little high-handed.

Retired HT here and I'd go crackers if a teacher had written that on one of my own children's reports. I would insist that the report is rewritten so that it couldn't be used against you in your divorce. I suggest something like:
" Key for DD to succeed will be for her to focus on improving her concentration in lessons."

You let her stay up til midnight and moan she's eating badly at school.
But now you're upset school have put that in writing.
I get you are at war with your DH. And I've been on the receiving end of you're not looking after her comments from my ex.
But you need to reframe your vision here. This isn't a statement to attack you but one to reinforce your parenting.
You do need to step up and stop her late nights.

Can she start doing her homework earlier? It shouldn't be taking her until 11 or 12 at night - are you SURE that's what she's doing?

Although I do agree with a PP, you can make them go to bed but you can't make them sleep - I had a DD who would sit up and read half the night; she just wasn't tired (diagnosed with AuDHD as an adult).

I’m afraid I agree with the posters who have said that 11 or 12 o clock is far too late for your dd to be coming off the internet and trying to sleep, @cyclops123. She needs at least an hour away from screens to be able to settle down for good, restful sleep, so if she is coming off the internet at midnight, she won’t be getting into good sleep before 1am.

I would suggest she needs to come off screens by 9pm, and then can read or listen to audiobooks for a while, with the aim of being asleep by 10pm.

It would still have been appropriate for the teachers to speak with your parents about your constant tiredness and discuss a plan for your insomnia. Also the thing about yawning from boredom is quite a silly excuse...

For the sake of what is documented and could be misconstrued by your ex, I would seek clarification about the comments from whoever wrote them. That said , in senior school I think it’s widely accepted that a child will participate in reading their own report and lifestyle choices are indeed integral to education prospects. It’s fair enough if this has already been discussed with school. You raised the concerns , and this is the right thing to do, you have recognised a problem and mentioned it to implement support structures. No professional could argue with you doing this, this is what a good parent does.

The mum emails the teacher when she goes to bed late

Where is she buying the junk food? Are you funding it and can you do something about that or is it bad choices about school lunches or not eating enough. Could be things you can control, money for junk food, or things you can't control like she won't eat her lunch. I agree it isn't very clear.

If your DD is buying and eating crap at school you can easily prevent it by not putting money on her school account and sending her with healthy food instead. You can easily make something like a pasta or rice salad in bulk at the weekend, or sandwiches. The food in secondary schools is complete and utter junk generally.

If its reached the point school are actually commenting on your child's sleep and nutrition you seriously need to worry about that, and not how some words might be misconstrued!!

You seem so unconcerned that your child is falling asleep at school... That's not simple tiredness thats exhaustion and a real sign of major issues.

If she is falling asleep at school sounds like a case of don’t shoot the messenger. The teacher is stating the obvious, you should listen.

You do realise that secondary school teachers can see hundreds of kids in one week and the report will mostly be a cut and paste job? YABU to read it as a personal slight.

How could this be misconstrued? I think it’s pretty obvious what they mean here

I'm a bit staggered that you wait til 11pm or eve midnight to take away the WiFi router OP. I'd be taking the power cable away from the computer and turning the WiFi off by 8.30pm and insisting on things like a shower and time spent chilling in their bedroom to wind down.

I’m not really that clear what you’re asking OP. You seem put out that school have recognised issues that you say are correct. And then worried your ex will use those reasons against you. Firstly, I wouldn’t even give his views any air time. He can step up in helping to educate your daughter to make better decisions if he’s not happy. Secondly, you can control some of this to an extent - why are you even letting your daughter stay up until that sort of time? I realise there’s not a lot you can do if she simply refuses to get into bed, but it doesn’t seem like you’ve tried - turn the router off earlier, encourage her to get into bed for a cuddle and a chat with you, read a fun magazine together or a book, like you would have done when she was little but make it more grown up. Do a face mask together or something if you have to, paint her toenails. Encourage her to wind down and hopefully she’ll sleep earlier. Good luck x

Very odd thing to put on a report unless it’s some sort of school that’s got an obsession with being healthy and they write it for all. If I’m being honest they must have real concerns to write that unless they are very strange. Look inwards and reflect before you kick back. Is she overweight? And at nighttime it’s goodbye to any devices from now on. Lock them up if you have to. A sleep screensaver on YouTube only if she struggles to sleep without noise and you take the remote away. Take ownership here.

And you do seem to be sharing stuff with the school (which is good) but then becoming upset with them when they make it clear that it’s a problem. Remember they will be the ones dealing with her falling asleep or being irritable all day. I wouldn’t be emailing any teacher very late at night, it can wait or be scheduled to be sent in the morning.

I read it that "key for dd to succeed..", means it's her responsibility to do those things. Report cards have targets and advice for the pupil, not the parents.

If the school thought that you weren't feeding her properly they wouldn't put that in the report card, they'd being having a conversation with you.

Internet and devices off at 9pm

Packed lunch at school

I may be wrong, but one of your posts said you contacted the school that you were concerned about your daughter eating rubbish? The comments sound like they are trying to support you by mentioning this in the report. The comments are aimed at your daughter, not you.
You do sound quite passive about your daughter's behaviour. Emailing the teacher because she slept late is unusual. It sounds like you expect the teacher to deal with it, not you.
You need a chat with her where you discuss these comments, ask how she can help herself, tell her that you are going to have a new policy of WiFi off at nine thirty and bed by ten. Tell her you are both going to go on a healthy eating plan and enlist her help in choosing stuff for lunches.
Put the fear of your ex to one side. If he comments, then tell him you've already discussed it with your daughter and it's in hand

I think the comment was actually meant for dd, it was trying to show her that she needs to be responsible for going to bed at an appropriate hour and making sure she eats well. Junk food (if she’s buying unhealthy foods at lunch time) will just make her feel more tired so I believe the teacher wants your dd to acknowledge this.

I wouldn’t say it’s personal next step against you as they would have discussed this previously. If she’s falling asleep in class then she’s most likely saying she didn’t go to bed till late or has barely slept.

I think the best thing to do is read the report card to your dd and highlight that the school have noticed the tiredness and want her to form a proper night time routine instead of staying up till late online.

Mine are older and school night it's 9.30 no more phones and such and in bed . Otherwise I take everything off them. Only had to do that once.
Also no social media . They never have used it.