To find male aggression deeply disturbing to witness as a woman?

[ForBreezySloth]

Whether it’s shouting, throwing things, road rage, or even just a man’s body language shifting during an argument - something about male aggression triggers a visceral fear response in me. I know not all anger is violence and not all aggression is abusive but it feels different when it’s coming from a man. It’s louder, heavier - more unpredictable. AIBU to think there’s something about male aggression that just lands harder, especially from a female point of view?

I was in a very abusive relationship for years. Now when I see men being aggressive it really triggers me. I go into fight or flight mode. Sometime I just cry and others I get mad and want to wipe the floor with them.

Absolutely so rude of him, most people ask.if a chairs taken and then back off when you say yes.
It says alot about him.

It scares me now when you watch these police documentaries and you see young adult males at the custody desk absolutely screaming, growling and threatening to do god knows what to the police - this to me is a horrible side effect of refusing to discipline kids, never stopping them from having bad tempers. They grow into now adults that are viciously outraged the minute anyone doesn't bow down to them.

I actually think we are driven by evolutionary pathways, sex, violence, gluttony etc, the point is civilisation and mutual co-operation force us into a veneer of civilisation thank god. Look what happens in any country where the state is no longer able to or unwilling to enforce law and order. Our natural state is basically awful until we realise that co-operating give individuals (thus us) a higher chance of survival. We are still very much animals.

But yes male aggression is makes me reflexively on guard as well. Probably because male aggression around women is more likely to result in catastrophic events for women and we are less able to protect ourselves against male violence.

I’m a survivor of DA & multiple SA incidents from childhood to my mid 30s, many of which were brushed off by the norms of the time but certainly wouldn’t be now. I have also worked with the military where a level of controlled aggression is necessary for some roles in theatre. My opinion is coming from a place of experience: I have zero tolerance for aggressive behaviour from anyone in any circumstance other than on duty in a role that demands it. I do not believe that men are victims of coursing testosterone, they can control themselves, some choose to act out & be odious. @ForBreezySloth you are not being remotely unreasonable.

Haven’t RTFT but I agree. I’m lucky in that I have never been physically attacked by a man, but I do genuinely feel intimidated when they start kicking off. My most recent ex used to have tantrums and throw things about and shout at the dog and I hated it (hence him now being an ex)

I remember once when we were planning to leave the house (with said dog - also female!) and he was having a tantrum upstairs as he was struggling to do a simple task and we both sensed it coming, we knew the tantrum was on the way and we both had the same idea of quietly retreating to the garden and waiting there until it had passed. That was in my own house as well.

I now live alone and have done for some time, have also been single for a while and these threads remind me of the peace I now have and how I wouldn’t swap it for the world. I don’t think I could
live with a man again. And if I ever decide to start a relationship up again, and I get yet ANOTHER tantrum thrower, they will be out on their arse quicker than they know what’s happened.

I can only imagine how scary it is for women who have been attacked by men to witness their blow ups.

Yes even in civilised places like the UK and America, look at how men behaved in big groups at the woodstock festival and the euro final. The documentaries shocked me. Or riots. Men in big groups behave like a gang of monkeys when they feel above the law. I couldn’t believe how quickly they went from normal people to tribal, violent, sexual aggressive animals
It feels like women mostly behave well and that’s how we naturally want to behave and the law is just something that’s there, but men are having to really control themselves to not get arrested.

I'm quite lucky as I hardly ever witness male aggression, the occasional minor fight after a night of drinking might occur on a night out but I just keep my distance. I think its pretty obvious male aggression is scarier as men are usually physically bigger and stronger than women. Also if a fight breaks out amongst men you are relying on other strong men intervening.

I also grew up around violent drunk men so it was par for the course for me.

Now when I'm out and I see swaying drunk men in crowds or I get stuck behind one i feel claustrophobic.

My dh doesn't drink much at all and is a million miles from violent however 20 years ago he did square up to someone who was being rude to me.

I think we are far more animalistic than people think we really are still at jungle level it's just wrapped in houses etc

Well technically you are. We all are.

I avoid it as much as possible but..
. recently went to a big city for an event. Walking back to the hotel with my 17 year old son there was a gang argument going on. It turned into violence. I said to my son to keep walking. But I would have stepped in if I saw someone getting beat up. I use a walking aid and would have clobbered them with it!!

The violence was bigger lads throwing younger ones to the ground. If there had been a knife I would have clobbered them with my frame

Daily? Really? I haven’t came across
since my teens. Where do you live???

The words 'evolved' and 'evolution' do not mean what you think they mean.

I have a fear of men having been at the receiving end of male violence. I feel the need to keep it in though so it’s not seen as misandry or sexism but deep down I hate men and would never take a job with a male boss again as I was bullied and belittled by one in the past. It’s crazy that it’s perfectly acceptable to be afraid of spiders and avoid them but totally irrational an offensive to want to keep away from predators that can cause untold harm.

Nonsense. We’re bipedal primates, sure, but with outsize brains that allowed us develop language, abstract thought, tool use and sophisticated social structures, civilisations, and knowledge structures like mythology, religion, philosophy etc. Which are at least as much of an influence on our behaviours as our ‘animal’ biology.

Brian Blessed is not on your Christmas card list then.

Of course you're not being unreasonable

Your survival instincts are kicking in and telling you you're in danger.

Our lizard brain can't tell the difference between blokes screaming and shouting about a football match and a predator about to come at us.

It is completely reasonable to have a visceral fear reaction to men sending out signals that they might be predators.

Funnily enough the sort of men who cite evolution in order to argue that women should be paid less than men, are also the sort of men who claim women who are scared of them for acting like dangerous apes, are being unreasonable.

😱 Write a book. I'd buy it!

I know what you mean about drunkeness. It can cause such awful behaviour, often in men who are more prone to those behaviours anyway.

I remember being on a train once, sitting by the window, and a big, extremely drunk man sat down in the spare seat beside me. I felt really claustrophobic, and trapped, even though he didn't even speak to me at all. Partly, it was the expectation of being bothered by him, as so often happens in situations like that, with drink involved (in my experience). But also I was worrying about my stop coming up, and what if he refused or was unable to get up (being extremely inebriated)? Which was possibly slightly irrational actually, but that didn't stop me being anxious about it. I don't think that would have crossed my mind if it had been a drunk woman.

@Somethingsnapped exactly trying to get around a huge drunk bulk in an emergency or not...

Yes, male aggression scares me for obvious reasons. Almost any man could kill almost any woman quite easily. Even if the aggression is only verbal, there's something deeply disturbing and raw about it.

Yes, and knowing that they could actively, or even just passively stop you...

Yes for sure, it’s a primal thing isn’t it.

Of course you're an animal! 😁