To find male aggression deeply disturbing to witness as a woman?

[ForBreezySloth]

Whether it’s shouting, throwing things, road rage, or even just a man’s body language shifting during an argument - something about male aggression triggers a visceral fear response in me. I know not all anger is violence and not all aggression is abusive but it feels different when it’s coming from a man. It’s louder, heavier - more unpredictable. AIBU to think there’s something about male aggression that just lands harder, especially from a female point of view?

I hate it too. Especially if you see two or more men properly kicking off with each other, ie throwing punches and meaning it. I physically can't stand to watch it.

I had to watch some boxing in person once and had a similar feeling. As stupid as it sounds, I was surprised at how violently the punches landed. You don't really get a sense of it in TV.

I think I’m immune to it now

working in a men’s prison is a bit odd at times.

If you're meeting a lot of 6.3 Brick shithouse women who scream in your face, I think you'll find those are men. Do you have trouble telling them apart?

Animal isn't an insult, but an observation. Humans are animals, we did evolve (despite the opinions of young earth creationists) and therefore are the product of evolutionary biology but that doesn't mean we are preprogrammed robots.

You'll find 1000s of works discussing nature vs nurture. It's not an excuse for behaviour but shouldn't be ignored. Women have just spent years having to remind people that they are biologically different from men because it became fashionable to pretend otherwise.

I agree especially if someone you know and more so the older I get. There's something about it that can't be reasoned with. It also makes me want to shout things like fuck off you absolute imbecile which obviously wouldn't get a good response.

@Annielou67 wow there's no need for anyone to behave like that,he had no right to put hands on you that would intimidate anyone.
Some men really aren't right in the head.

I agree absolutely. Its not just the shouting but the speed, size and power they have. Very intimidating and quite frightening as a smaller woman.

I think “men evolved” is an incorrect statement as clearly what you’re describing means they haven’t.

There are all manner of controlled contact sports men can get involved with if they want to hurt each other without killing - cos you know we “evolved” to that being illegal.

It was my mother who would scream and slap. She’s pretty nasty. Dad was lovely apart from pandering to her.

However the energy that comes off angry men is in a class of its own. The speed and the power they harness is tangible at a distance. With DM you knew if you hunkered down it would eventually blow over. With men you know you need to get away. Hunker down and it could be all over.

It’s an evolutionary response for survival… you should feel scared and react, it could save your life…. This is what PPs mean when they talk about us being animals I think

Well, yeah. They’re typically bigger and stronger than women, which means they could quite easily rape or kill us if they wanted to. That ‘visceral fear response’ is a perfectly natural, probably evolutionary, reaction to that. I suppose I just find it odd that anyone is pondering why male aggression ‘lands harder’ for women when it seems pretty obvious why!

Thank you. I think because I’m abroad and the man was also a tourist from elsewhere, I was really intimidated and couldn’t react. If I had been at home in the north west uk, I would have reacted differently and probably would have spoken very loudly and told him to take his hand off me. It shows how otherwise assertive women can be vulnerable when out of their usual surroundings.

I think it's undeniable, even as a man you'd be an absolute liar to try and argue that there's an equivalency or parity.

A man getting aggressive or physical , even just in terms of performatively, carries with it an inherent threat.

A woman, no matter how violent or off the rails, just doesn't carry that same threat and if I want to I can essentially laugh it off.

There's an obvious difference

Me too. If my husband ever shouts or gets annoyed I'm instantly a child cowering in front of big, angry, scary dad.

I hate any sort of aggression, from either men or women.

I have a friend who’s completely normal until she’s in the car, then she becomes angry, aggressive and full of impotent rage. It’s pathetic and I hate it.

My sister told me years ago that her husband threw a plate in anger. I’ve never forgotten it.

I’m incredibly placid. (Yet my children say I’m scary 😂) But I’ve never been aggressive, or shouty or out of control angry. My husband is the same; I don’t think I have ever heard him raise his voice in anger. I really have no respect for anyone that can’t control their temper.

I would never make any excuses for aggressive behaviour towards others when we have the capacity to walk away, think things through and so on* but compare a cow and a bull in a field, or a female gorilla next to a male gorilla. It's genes and hormones, basically.

(*obviously myriad different contexts are possible here with all the possibilities those bring)

I d t feel any different to male aggression than female . But I’m a very bland person who will not fear confrontation as in if you are aggressive to em be prepared for me to react because I will . My first important relationship as a teenager was physically abusive and I swore I would never put myself in that position and 25 years after I haven’t . Living in fear is not something I will ever give in .
I do however deal with a lot of domestic violence testimonies at work , rapes , cultural abuse towards women is the one that shocks me the most as it’s hard to deal with the systematic abuse done in the name of religion and traditions and see women even defending it . That will always shock me

I thought my DH had dropped a £1 coin in a train station recently, so I picked it up and offered it to him. It turns out that he hadn't, and that it was a nearby man's - he just behaved like such an aggressive fuckwit, as if I was trying to steal his £1.

I never grew up around male aggression and generally have had a good experience, loving uncles and a lot of male friends since my teens. Despite this, when Dh gets aggressive watching soccer I get really stressed, i get a rising panicky feeling and feel like I want to cry. It surprises me how visceral my reaction is. Of course he thinks I'm being ridiculous. I usually just leave the house if a match is on, I really hate him when he is like that.

I have a zero tolerance policy for loud aggressive men, no second chances. I hate shouting and booming voices I won’t be around it, even if it’s not actually aggressive.

Same..

Agree, and they have the gall to assert that women are the hormone-driven half of the species, and even refused to accord us any say in private or public life based on our 'hormonal irrationality', when it's clear that testosterone has so much to answer for.

The first time I experienced male aggression was at a youth club party when I was a very naïve 14 year old. I'd been having a lovely time with my friends - we were all dressed up, dancing and laughing. I remember Jackie Wilson Higher and Higher was playing and I felt so happy. Then it all kicked off and 2 guys started fighting. They were pushed outside and the doors were locked, we were all hiding under the tables while they punched 7 shades of shit out of each other. It was horrific and I was terrified. They were banging up against the doors and the windows, there was blood splattered everywhere. Something changed fundamentally inside me that evening. It wasn't the last fight I witnessed either. Another memorable event was being locked in a pub so the aggressors couldn't leave. Tables and chairs were being thrown left right and centre. Terrifying. And then there was the time a male "friend" punched me after some meaningless annoyance. Jesus, I used to scrap with my sister when we were kids but being hit by a man was something else. Then there was the ex who stuck needles into a condom before we had sex because he wanted me to get pregnant so he could "own" me. Another ex who tried to force my car off the road at speed on the M25. And there are so many other stories, too many more.

@Lovageandgeraniums
what book is that please?

Absolutely. I feel instantly paralysed. But there’s no wonder, as it is scary and women are murdered by men every day, let alone the rest of it like abuse, rape etc
I then get told I’m overreacting for hating male aggression. They don’t realise how they come across. Or they do and don’t care