To find male aggression deeply disturbing to witness as a woman?

[ForBreezySloth]

Whether it’s shouting, throwing things, road rage, or even just a man’s body language shifting during an argument - something about male aggression triggers a visceral fear response in me. I know not all anger is violence and not all aggression is abusive but it feels different when it’s coming from a man. It’s louder, heavier - more unpredictable. AIBU to think there’s something about male aggression that just lands harder, especially from a female point of view?

Well obviously they have more capacity to harm, that goes without saying. But if I was a weaker/elderly/ disabled man I would feel as much fear I think. Probably combined with shame as society seems to expect men to be able to stick up for themselves to a greater extent than women.

The older and my experienced I get, the more viscerally done with it all I am.

To be honest, seeing large groups of male football/sports fans shouting and chanting together is enough to make me feel on edge sometimes, so it's not just you.

I was recently at a match and at half time, when everyone went to get drinks etc, I saw a huge older bloke absolutely lose it and start completely bellowing at a young teenage boy, really getting up in his face and intimidating him. Not sure what (if anything) the lad had done to upset him but it was scary to watch, must have been terrifying to be on the receiving end of.

Obviously women are capable of losing control and shouting and being unpleasant too, but it is far less scary, at least that's my experience. Exactly as you say, with men it just feels more unpredictable, like they are more volatile.

It's highly unattractive. The older I get (I'm 56),the less tolerant I am. It's a mix of their capacity for both aggression and selfishness. Unfortunately my decreasing tolerance, for both, seems to increase their tendancy towards aggression, as they feel challenged.

I agree with you @ForBreezySloth. It's very scary and when you figure into that how much frailer we get as we age and it's a real worry .
Avoid ,avoid ,avoid is my mantra .

I find women getting aggressive more scary. Perhaps because I am more used to men being rowdy, pushing shoving etc but a fight between two women is vicious, particularly the hair pulling.

I agree! My ex-SIL hates me and she has a male best friend who I don’t really know, but his body language would change when I was around. One time my husband and I bumped in to him in a pub and he smiled at my husband then turned toward me gritting his teeth and repeatedly clenching his fist at his side - just staring me down! I’ve barely spoken to the man and am 5’4 (my SIL is 5’11) so the idea that either of them would feel the need to be physically intimidating is not only gross but ridiculous! I know you can beat me up - no need to growl at me!!

I always remember it as a scary moment despite nothing violent actually happening!

Absolutely. My dad got in raged when was growing up...he probably still does but I avoid him now. He didn't hit us but he didn't need to- the slamming, shouting and atmosphere was enough. I am absolutely incapable of standing up for myself as a result. It's horrible.

Always notice how much more space they take up too. At school, the field was just for boys and their footballs and when there was ever a fight or a game, you had to get out the way or be collateral damage.

I also went to a football game recently and a big man near us was screaming and swearing at the ref, he was bright red and spittle flying. Ruined it honestly. His tweenage sons were joining in too screaming cunt this and that. Love the singing and the chants etc. but the hate was physically uncomfortable.

I wonder how he would like to be in a crowd of men all built like The Rock shouting screaming and barging about. Not to mention the sexual shit women deal with.

Men evolved to go out on 'hunting parties', 'war band raids', and the like. A significant proportion would not return from such excursions.
Modern life just does not give men enough opportunities to go and fight each other and get killed.

That’s one of the most bone-headed things I’ve read on here lately, especially given the current state of international geopolitics.

OP, of course you’re not unreasonable. If you’re hypervigilant because of past experiences with male aggression and/or violence, it’s not something you can just snap out of.

They're bigger and stronger than you probably

If you had a 6'3" 100kg Brick shithouse of a woman screaming in your face, you'd shit yourself equally

Yes it’s viscerally scary because it’s dangerous.

Trust your gut!

If it’s directed at me, yes.

If it’s not and it’s a 1:1 type aggressive situation it’s manageable but I think that’s because I had a job where de-escalation of that sort of thing happened regularly.

Big crowd aggression can absolutely get in the bin.

Yes, I was harassed on a train by a group of men coming back from Ascot last week (I was just trying to commute home in peace).

I think this is more correct than many of us would like to believe. We are animals after all, and having just read a book about the evolution of why men behave badly, it sounds about right.

A former employer was exactly like that. I was used to his angry behaviour, but when it started to escalate and become more directed at me I walked straight out the door. I wasn't willing to find out what happens next, especially as I had already reported him to head office and had no idea what/if anything had been passed on to him. I've never felt so unsafe in my life.

I’ve spent a lot of time working in male-dominated environments, and over the years I’ve noticed one very obvious thing: the type of men who direct their anger and intimidation towards women, children, elderly or otherwise more vulnerable people are actually just complete and utter chicken shits 🤷🏻‍♀️
Generally they don’t behave that way towards men they find physically or socially imposing because they know those men could easily knock them into next week without blinking. So in order to make themselves feel more masculine and dominating, they direct it towards people they think are less capable of defending themselves.
I know fear is a normal human response for most people - we are biologically programmed to protect ourselves. But in the grand scheme of things? Those types of men are just pathetic little bitch boys who are so socially and physically inept, they can’t get the ego boost they so desperately crave by earning the respect of other men - so they find it by asserting what they view as dominance over what they view as weaker targets. And I swear the time I’ve spent serving in the army and working in pubs means I’ve now got a special radar for that particular brand of cunt. I can smell them a mile off

I'm not an animal. I don't regard men as a class as animals, and I think that doing so goes along with discredited, reactionary ideas about men being programmed to do certain things (fuck around, get into fights) by their 'evolutionary biology'.

It’s very intimidating…. But I experience this daily

i find it’s short lived and usually they feel the need to ‘explain’ it all afterwards

When I was a young woman I believed that the men you met would step up to protect you if you were in any kind of danger. You know walk you home in the dark, make sure he's between you and any bother in the street or the pub for example. If you were being bothered by a man that a decent man would intervene if he saw it. Not necessarily your partner or friend but that any decent man would automatically protect a woman.

Unfortunately I don't think that is the case today. I am much more fearful of men today that I ever was back in the day.

Nowadays if anyone sees anyone being bothered I think all they do is get out their phones to record it rather than step in.

Humans are animals though. Scientifically speaking.

This thread just hit a nerve with me. I am usually quite passive and am now on holiday with my family. Major world tourist attraction food hall today, quite busy, 5 of us eating lunch, one of us went to the loo, a man came up and demanded the chair. I said ‘ I’m sorry no, my daughter has only gone to the bathroom’ he put his hand on my shoulder ( he was stood , I was seated) pressed down and loudly said something like ‘ I am having that chair’ I again said no and twisted away from him and started to stand up, at which point a young women on a nearby table said, it’s ok have mine and just gave him her chair part way through her dinner. He took it. I felt really bad that I didn’t stand up to him properly. I should have stood up for the young woman too. It was very dominating to have an unknown large man put his hand on your shoulder and press you down into your seat.

Yanbu. I'm instantly on edge at the noise of men shouting.

I totally do but there was domestic violence at home when I was growing up so put it down to that.

Totally agree OP, makes me feel sick and disgusted in equal measure, have never seen female aggression anywhere near the level of male aggression and it’s beyond ugly