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Original poster

Partnees ex wants to take child to America to live.

117 replies

Jamaisy82 · 26/06/2025 12:29

My partner in which we have a two year old child together has another daughter from a previous relationship who is 8. He plays an active role in her life and have a great relationship and has been there since day one and ever since. He used to have her one week on one week off and now it's every weekend as the ex changed this. She now has a new partner who lives in America and wants to take his daughter there to live, obviously my partner has said no as this means he would never see her. She is now seeking full custody of his daughter and now he has to go to court. Has anyone been though similar. My partner is so depressed through this he's a really good guy and it's sad she would do this to him for her own selfish needs.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 26/06/2025 12:30

Has he got a good lawyer?

TwoFeralKids · 26/06/2025 12:32

I don't think she can do that. She would need his permission.

CopperWhite · 26/06/2025 12:36

He can apply to the court to prevent this move with a prohibited steps order, and if he can prove he has been an active and involved parent, he will probably win.

mindutopia · 26/06/2025 12:38

If I were him, I would firstly apply for a prohibited steps order.

And secondly, I would make the offer that she lives with me full time. Her mother is very welcome to go trotting off to live with whatever random man wherever, but my child would have a stable familiar home with me while she did that.

Ohmygodthepain · 26/06/2025 12:39

There's nothing to stop the ex moving to America, but she'd need to leave the child in the UK. Is your DP prepared to take on sole residency?

I believe the laws about removing a child out of America are very different to ours, it's unlikely he would be able to bring her home once she got there. He needs a prohibited steps order as soon as possible to prevent her going before this gets to court.

Lafufufu · 26/06/2025 12:40

He used to have her one week on one week off and now it's every weekend as the ex changed this

Why did he give up 50/50 custody??? If she decided to change it why did he not go to court?
Why are you on the internet trying to solve his problems and why isnt he?

he needs to stop wasting time "feeling sad" and actually take some action to stop it / fight it

mindutopia · 26/06/2025 12:42

That said, as an American who did that move in reverse because it was tricky for Dh to get a US visa, particularly in the current climate, the likelihood of her actually being able to move on a proper visa, with a child, to live with a boyfriend is pretty slim. But nothing stopping her from going on an ESTA and overstaying (except ICE), so best get cracking on the legal stuff just in case.

PhilippaGeorgiou · 26/06/2025 12:55

mindutopia · 26/06/2025 12:38

If I were him, I would firstly apply for a prohibited steps order.

And secondly, I would make the offer that she lives with me full time. Her mother is very welcome to go trotting off to live with whatever random man wherever, but my child would have a stable familiar home with me while she did that.

Whatever the legal position, that is uncalled for. There is no more evidence that the ex has taken up with some "random man" than that the OP is some "random woman"; and equally they may provide just as stable a home as the OP and her partner. Wanting a new life, regardless of geography, is not selfish. Doesn't mean it will happen. Nor does it mean that it's fair. But the ex has as much right as he does to make a new life for herself. For all he may care, he didn't care enough to fight to maintain the 50/50 split. But if he (and the OP) want to step up to full time then they should argue for that.

Original poster
Jamaisy82 · 26/06/2025 12:56

Lafufufu · 26/06/2025 12:40

He used to have her one week on one week off and now it's every weekend as the ex changed this

Why did he give up 50/50 custody??? If she decided to change it why did he not go to court?
Why are you on the internet trying to solve his problems and why isnt he?

he needs to stop wasting time "feeling sad" and actually take some action to stop it / fight it

Edited

He is going to court to solve this obviously and seeing solicitor. The reason he gave it up was because she was saying it's better for school etc as her behaviour was getting bad. I was just wanting positive stories. He's obviously doing everything he can at moment but it's still worrying.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jamaisy82 · 26/06/2025 12:57

mindutopia · 26/06/2025 12:42

That said, as an American who did that move in reverse because it was tricky for Dh to get a US visa, particularly in the current climate, the likelihood of her actually being able to move on a proper visa, with a child, to live with a boyfriend is pretty slim. But nothing stopping her from going on an ESTA and overstaying (except ICE), so best get cracking on the legal stuff just in case.

Yeah we have seen solicitor and court hearing coming up and everything he's done everything he can just wanted some positive stories while waiting along time to hear outcome

OP posts:
Original poster
Jamaisy82 · 26/06/2025 12:59

PhilippaGeorgiou · 26/06/2025 12:55

Whatever the legal position, that is uncalled for. There is no more evidence that the ex has taken up with some "random man" than that the OP is some "random woman"; and equally they may provide just as stable a home as the OP and her partner. Wanting a new life, regardless of geography, is not selfish. Doesn't mean it will happen. Nor does it mean that it's fair. But the ex has as much right as he does to make a new life for herself. For all he may care, he didn't care enough to fight to maintain the 50/50 split. But if he (and the OP) want to step up to full time then they should argue for that.

Show quote history

I'd say taking a child away from a happy life in the UK with family etc just to live with a man she has just met a couple of times is selfish.

OP posts:
Codlingmoths · 26/06/2025 12:59

I hope it goes well for him. Formally offering full custody is a good idea- he’s not trying to stop her going, he just doesn’t want to lose his child

Meadowfinch · 26/06/2025 13:02

Jamaisy82 · 26/06/2025 12:59

I'd say taking a child away from a happy life in the UK with family etc just to live with a man she has just met a couple of times is selfish.

Show quote history

Absolutely.

Uprooting a child and moving her to a different continent from her involved and loving father is not the act of a considerate parent, and does not have the best interests of the child at heart.

Original poster
Jamaisy82 · 26/06/2025 13:05

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/06/2025 12:30

Has he got a good lawyer?

Yeah well he's been paying a solicitor for now to sort it out it's very stressful. Expecially when he has done nothing wrong. She is even telling her daughter her cousins and aunties and uncles live in america when she that's untrue. She has also told her daughter the day they are moving even though she hasn't got a visa. She was all nice untill he said he doenst agree to move and now is saying alsorts.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jamaisy82 · 26/06/2025 13:09

Codlingmoths · 26/06/2025 12:59

I hope it goes well for him. Formally offering full custody is a good idea- he’s not trying to stop her going, he just doesn’t want to lose his child

Yeah he's gutted. He's a really good father and wants her full time if possible but he didn't want to do that to her mother and now she's done this. She wants separate enteries into the court as she says she's fearful of him even though she sees him every time he picks his daughter up and drops her off. She used to happily leave their daughter with her father for weeks on end while she went on holiday and also America. She has only changed now he's said no to the move.

OP posts:
TheNightingalesStarling · 26/06/2025 13:09

IANAL or been through this,but a man shes only met a couple of times isn't a boyfriend. Shes either very naive or delusional.

Original poster
Jamaisy82 · 26/06/2025 13:11

PhilippaGeorgiou · 26/06/2025 12:55

Whatever the legal position, that is uncalled for. There is no more evidence that the ex has taken up with some "random man" than that the OP is some "random woman"; and equally they may provide just as stable a home as the OP and her partner. Wanting a new life, regardless of geography, is not selfish. Doesn't mean it will happen. Nor does it mean that it's fair. But the ex has as much right as he does to make a new life for herself. For all he may care, he didn't care enough to fight to maintain the 50/50 split. But if he (and the OP) want to step up to full time then they should argue for that.

Show quote history

He did care but this was for her needs at school and behaviour so they sat down and agreed that he has her Fri sat and sun and she has her other days, he gets to see her every weekend which is great and do stuff together which he can't during week with work. No issue has every been raised until no when she has met this man and wants to move.

OP posts:
InterIgnis · 26/06/2025 13:12

The chances of her being able to do this without the consent of the father are slim.

He would be best served employing the services of a family law solicitor. He needs to put it into writing to her that he does not give permission for her to do this. I’m assuming he has done this, as it’s going to court. He also needs to apply for a prohibited steps order.

Original poster
Jamaisy82 · 26/06/2025 13:13

TheNightingalesStarling · 26/06/2025 13:09

IANAL or been through this,but a man shes only met a couple of times isn't a boyfriend. Shes either very naive or delusional.

Yeah she says in court order new man is great emotional support as plays Minecraft online with her daughter every week on a Sunday night.
She has alot of mental health issues which have been taken into account.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jamaisy82 · 26/06/2025 13:15

InterIgnis · 26/06/2025 13:12

The chances of her being able to do this without the consent of the father are slim.

He would be best served employing the services of a family law solicitor. He needs to put it into writing to her that he does not give permission for her to do this. I’m assuming he has done this, as it’s going to court. He also needs to apply for a prohibited steps order.

Yes he has done this. It's a long process and he just feels so sad by it all. He's gutted. He has a very strong bond with his daughter amd brought her up mainly alone from a baby as her mam has alot of issues and he tried to help as much as he could.

OP posts:
dreamingbohemian · 26/06/2025 13:16

She's not going to get a visa for the US so it's moot anyway, and I can't imagine any UK court allowing it.

PrepStarRunner · 26/06/2025 13:18

Both the US and UK are signatories of the Hague convention. What she is proposing is incredibly unlikely.

Original poster
Jamaisy82 · 26/06/2025 13:19

dreamingbohemian · 26/06/2025 13:16

She's not going to get a visa for the US so it's moot anyway, and I can't imagine any UK court allowing it.

Yes this is what I keep telling him. He's done everything he can for now through courts and solicitors etc he just keeps saying the mother always gets custody don't they? Just a shame it happens to a father that has always bothered and would love her full time if she wants to move to america alone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jamaisy82 · 26/06/2025 13:21

PrepStarRunner · 26/06/2025 13:18

Both the US and UK are signatories of the Hague convention. What she is proposing is incredibly unlikely.

Yes I keep saying this to him all this stress, worry and court for nothing as she won't be allowed but she seems to think she will. But to want full custody is just so cruel.

OP posts:
dreamingbohemian · 26/06/2025 13:22

No they don't always get custody!

I've known several women in UK (and elsewhere Europe) who ended up stuck here after a split because they knew no chance of taking child out of country (and they were even Americans)