Partnees ex wants to take child to America to live.

[Jamaisy82]

My partner in which we have a two year old child together has another daughter from a previous relationship who is 8. He plays an active role in her life and have a great relationship and has been there since day one and ever since. He used to have her one week on one week off and now it's every weekend as the ex changed this. She now has a new partner who lives in America and wants to take his daughter there to live, obviously my partner has said no as this means he would never see her. She is now seeking full custody of his daughter and now he has to go to court. Has anyone been though similar. My partner is so depressed through this he's a really good guy and it's sad she would do this to him for her own selfish needs.

The father has her 3 days and mum 4 days a week rather than 7 followed by 7. He has "given up" 1 day a week. For the best interests of his child.

I'm not sure that's true. I am by no means an expert in these things, but my understanding is that the judge will consider first of all the likelihood of the mother moving anyway, and unless satisfied that she would do so, will make a judgment based on the mother remaining in the UK if permission to relocate is denied. I can't imagine it would change the position as to costs. It just goes to what the judge is deciding - is the choice of what is in the child's best interests between staying with their RP in the UK or moving with the RP to the US, or alternatively a move to the US with the RP or a change of primary care to the NRP.

In reality though a parent who isn't prepared to be primary carer doesn't have a leg to stand on because the RP could leave the child with them and say "let me know when you're sick of parenting and I'll be on the first flight back to collect the DC". And they'd probably call pretty soon.

I think it's the child who's only met the man twice; did not the OP say the mother had been over to see him several times?

@Anniegetyourgun Ah yes, it’s not clear how much time the Mum has spent with him.

Still, MN wisdom generally emphasizes caution re. Moving in together when children are involved. Personally, I wouldn’t consider moving my child in with a man she’s met twice, let alone when it’s thousands of miles away from her family and friends. Poor kid.

You don’t have to do a whole new degree. You can do NCLEX. Very difficult and time consuming though.

Found this online which may be of interest, although it's scottish and quite historic. But shows the issues the court may take into account
https://www.westwateradvocates.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/Relocation-Relocation-Relocation.pdf

@LimitedBrightSpots The irony is that if the Mum does bring her DD to the US, she’s likely to soon be asking her father for childcare help due to the shorter vacation allocation and massive school holidays, esp. the summer.

I bet that she hasn’t looked into things like that, childcare is expensive here, Child Benefit, Universal Credit, etc. doesn’t exist, everything has to be paid for.

And the cost of living is 50% cheaper so you only have to work 50% of the time in order to cover the cost of those things, swings and roundabouts

@Profpudding i wouldn’t say that the COL here is that low, we seem to spend a lot anyway! Our property taxes, for example, make council tax look cheap. 😂

The cost of living is actually higher in the USA than in the UK by about 15.5%. Of course, that is an overall figure for the two countries. There are plenty of local variations. London, for example, has a lower cost of living than New York, but a higher cost of living than, say, rural Mississippi. And wages in the USA are generally higher than in the UK, meaning that, even with the higher cost of living, Americans tend to be better off.

@prh47bridge But everything had to be paid for, healthcare, childcare, etc. Unless you’re extremely poor and you’ll get some assistance, which varies by state.

This month’s utility bills for our family, for example, totalled $419, approx. £305. That’s actually a good month, in the winter they’ve hit $650 per month. Everything has state and local fees and taxes applied to it so what you consume bears little relation to what you end up paying.

I assumed that was high compared with the UK? Perhaps it’s not.

Our American counterpart appeared to be living the dream. Of course it’s all relative and they do have more to pay out but they have more coming in. Which seems to be the key to a happy life.

@Profpudding I agree that the lifestyle can be great if you have a high income But it's really hard if you're on the lower end.

Anyway, back to the original thread, I think that the Mum is going to have a shock when she gets here, I certainly did. Three-month school summer holidays are no joke!

I know. My post said that the cost of living is higher in the USA. It is cheaper to live in the UK.

There is far less protection in the US, my DH worked for an American company, his US counterparts could be dismissed on the spot or made redundant and asked to leave straight away, unless the company had a good severance package they left with nothing unlike the EU & UK who had employment rights, then you have everything else especially healthcare and violent crime.

Standard of livings is far far better in the UK.

@AliceMcK Yep, if they want you out, you can literally be escorted from the building that day.

For those saying he changed 50/50 having a child Fri-sun is probably seeing them more time than in the week!