AIBU to refuse to pay for friend’s suitcase

[mummysmagicmedicine]

Hello everyone

Buckle up this may be a long one.
My friends and I are going on our annual long weekend abroad. We have known each other since we were teenagers and are now all 30’s and married with kids. There is 6 of us total.

My friend in question, let’s call her Mary. Mary has several holidays a year and eats out etc at least 3 nights a week. She has been like that since we were teenagers and would go clubbing more nights a week than not yet claims she can’t afford xyz. She’s always been financially impulsive like this but I also understand everyone’s financial situations and priorities are different. The reason I have mentioned this will be relevant towards the end of the post. Her travel plans to the airport have fallen through, neither her nor her DH drive so she can’t drive and she said she cannot afford a cab, refuses to get rail replacement or a bus or coach because she can’t do those, suggested she takes a travel sickness tablet but she said she can’t take those. She also has never suffered from travel sickness in all the time I’ve known her (since school) but I’m aware this can change. She doesn’t live locally to us any more but none of us live closer than an hour to each other but requested one of us drive to central London to pick her up the night before (a four hour round trip on a good day). Due to work and childcare commitments, none of us will be able to pick her up the night before anyway but none of us could house her either. I am the only one with spare rooms but we will be having large building works at the time so we won’t have any space for an extra person.

She says she can’t afford a hotel so can’t stay at the airport the night before. Back to the point, I was supposed to be sharing a suitcase with her, only going Friday to Monday so no point having a large checked bag to myself so we were going to share. Unfortunately as she doesn’t think she’ll be able to make the holiday now, she’s requested I pay her back the £50 for her half of the suitcase (I booked but she transferred) as she won’t be using the suitcase now if she won’t be coming and she’s already losing out money for cancelling her holiday. I am sympathetic because a few hundred pounds is a lot to lose but equally especially with our current renovations, I haven’t financially planned to lose an extra £50 when I won’t be using the whole suitcase anyway but she is demanding I pay her £50. I don’t want to lose a friendship over this, we’ve been close for ages, bridesmaids at each other’s weddings etc but equally especially with the holidays coming up and paying for childcare/ entertainment for the kids on top of our existing renovations I don’t want to lose £50.

For context, the remaining four in my group and work collegues etc think I shouldn’t have to pay Mary £50 because if she’s cancelling her holiday, that’s not to do with me as unfortunate as it is but I’m keen to hear an outsider’s POV.

YABU- I should pay Mary £50 because she’s not using the suitcase anymore

YANBU- don’t pay Mary £50

Thank you lovelies!

@mummysmagicmedicine

Mary is a cunt.

I wouldnt pay her a penny. I'd block her sorry ass and let everyone know why she is a cunt.

‘Mary, you’ll need to check with Easyjet to see if they can give you a refund on the suitcase. That’s outside my control.’

This her balls up. It shouldn’t leave you out of pocket or having to do the running around after her.

I kind of get her reasoning. I think she’s a bit ridiculous to ask for it but I think she has a valid point in that dges paying for something she can’t use. I’d pay it whilst secretly making faces if I could afford it or tell her it’s a pity we lost that money if I couldn’t

Is there room at the bar? Line me up a tequila slammer every time someone says OP/Mary was going to have to go to the airport with all their clothes in a bin bag

Give her fuck all! She's a cf! What do the other friends think?

Do you actually like her or has she got form for being a twat? Id be done with her, life is too short for this kind of bollocks.

In that case should OP pay her back for the whole holiday as she’ll not have to share a room anymore?

I would refund the £50 in your position, but then not enter into any of these sort of arrangements again with her.

She is being unreasonable to ask, and also to cancel the holiday in this way, but I think that for the sake of £50 it’s probably not worth the awkwardness of refusing.

Could she not get the tube/bus/train to close to one of you the night before? And then sleep on a sofa/floor? Or get a late tube/train to the airport and just sleep at the airport if she’s got an early start?

Seems like a shame to miss the whole holiday for the sake of one night somewhere…

Everything about this thread is bonkers.

🤨 Mary comes on every annual weekend trip and has several holidays a year but can’t get a cab, rail or make any other arrangements (such as airport transfer) to get to the airport on this occasion.
🤯 Mary and the OP share a hold suitcase for a weekend away, which probably gives you 23kg of luggage? Yet they could each have paid for a 10kg of carry on or similar and avoid this stress.
🥵 Mary was going to lug her 11.5kg of luggage in packing cubes to the airport and do a suitcase pack at the airport.
🧐 ”Did you pack your own bag madam?” “Well I packed my half and Mary packed her half, she’s behind me in the queue”
😫 On the return home Mary would again lug her 11.5kg of dirty washing in packing cubes back by whatever method she came.
🙋‍♀️ How was Mary getting home BTW?
🏩 Has she asked her “roomie” to refund her the cost of the hotel she won’t be using? Because I would be very suprised if you’re sharing luggage but not rooms.
✈️ Has she asked Ryan Air, Easy Jet, Jet2 etc for her flight back, which we know are non refundable.

If this is real, Mary is completely batshit to expect half a suitcase back, for something of her own doing, and completely in her control, and would rather lose a whole trip away than book an airport transfer.

The answer would be a firm no.

Is the suitcase issue because the luggage fee for the shared suitcase is attached to your flight booking rather than Mary's, so doesn't get refunded when she cancels her flight (which I assume is fully refundable if she's dropping out of the trip rather than leaving for the airport a few hours early)? If that's the case I can sort of see why she'd try her luck in asking for her half back, but I also think it's fine to tell her it's not refundable and there's nothing you can do depending on what exactly was said when the sharing arrangement was suggested.

I read the entire OP in a small town, southern states of America accent and I cannot tell you just how much I enjoyed this.

A small-town American would likely have also ranted (quite rightly) about the insanely exorbitant luggage fee! It should be max $35 (£25) each way, waived for frequent fliers, and refundable if not used.

Good point. If Mary ends up cancelling because she can no longer afford the holiday then is she also going to be asking for her other costs ti be refunded?

What's the deal with the accommodation? Has she paid her share already or is her dropping out likely to increase costs for others?

Has she given a reason why she's suddenly no longer able to afford the holiday she agreed to go on and is a regular trip so should be in budget?

I'd not give her the £50 because she should know that it's not refundable and she's been doing these trips for long enough to know the T&Cs you agree ti when booking. Plus it's her who's being awkward so it's her that should bear the cost.

So confused, Mary lives in London but can’t get a train to the airport? She can’t allow for delays and arrive several hours earlier? Or the train makes her sick, but a car is okay? The suitcase is the least baffling thing here.

Either change your baggage allowance or just pay her share. You're still using it. If you have extra room, let your friends use some space too. Your friend sounds like a pain, but you're being petty.

I don't understand why so many people are saying to pay her the money and cool the friendship. Surely if you're planning to not see her anymore, you don't need to worry about annoying her by not giving her the £50?

I also don't understand why so many people are talking about refunds and changing luggage bookings? Isn't it common knowledge that these sorts of things are almost always non refundable?

Yes, they should all just take a load of extra stuff they don't because flaky Mary CBA ti get in a train.

OP, make sure the luggage is booked under your name or you may end up paying a whole lot more if you turn up with a suitcase at the airport without pre booking a checked bag with your ticket. If it's booked under Mary's name, it'll be a forfeit if she doesn't fly so all the talk of £50 is just nonsense.

Well they're all friends and I'm sure Mary hasn't suddenly become flaky overnight. I'd just pay it. Agree though the whole situation is jist weird, maybe something else is going on wit Mary

How was she getting to airport originally - a friend ? So wouid have been travel sick /queasy regardless

no she doesn’t get the £50 back. She has deceived not to go. Why should you be out of pocket

anyway you can cancel suitcase and get the £100 back and take a cabin bag ?

of yes then I would give her £50 otherwise no

Try contacting the airline to remove the bag, and just take a cabin bag. If not “your poor planning isn’t my financial burden”.

If the OP still needs to take a suitcase on the flight she should pay for it.
if she will now be travelling with hand baggage only she shouldn’t.

I chose YABU just for the sake of the friendship - pay, keep it moving and never share with her again.

Frankly it just sounds like she booked a holiday she can no longer afford and is looking for excuses (and some money). It’s cheeky of her to ask for it back, realistically it’s not your problem that she cancelled. I recently cancelled a weekend away too and lost the money I had put towards it.

If the bloke had treated you like you treated him and then you'd posted on here with what had happened....... Mumsnet would be on fire with the outrage.
Just blocking you was the kindest thing he could have done imo.
In all seriousness, have you ever thought about exploring if you're on the spectrum?

It's not so much the selfishness I find unsettling/unpleasant (after a decision you'd made in total isolation with no discussion with the chap you'd invited) ... But the complete lack of remorse?

I think you should take a long hard look at yourself firstly - perhaps therapy might help short term but I think there's an underlying issue that needs addressing.

@FlamboyantlyIncognito uh?

Since there’s no point using hold luggage for a weekend just for you, are you able to remove the checked bag, get a refund and just take hand luggage for yourself? Then you’re not out of pocket and she can have her £50 back. If you’re not able to do that I’d give her the £50 if you don’t want to lose the friendship. In Mary’s situation I wouldn’t ask for the money back myself but I can see where she’s coming from.

And, in your situation it was right that he paid for your flight as he was the one who cancelled the holiday and hadn’t incurred any costs to facilitate the holiday as you were going to visit him. It’s a shame it ended the friendship.

However, in OP’s situation, the friend demanding the £50 back is the one cancelling going - so that would be the equivalent of your ex-friend cancelling then telling you that you owe him for half of the cost of something he bought in order for you to be able to stay at his place!!

I would say something like ‘I’m already stretching my budget for the holiday and I can’t afford the extra £50 for luggage Mary, if you hadn’t been sharing it with me I’d have just taken a cabin bag, I’d never have paid £100 for luggage! I’m so gutted you can’t come, is there really no way you can?’

Accept she will be annoyed, let the feeling of slight anxiousness sit there (if it does- if you’re anything like me- as an ex people pleaser I know I’ll still feel guilty/anxious but I take it as the price of setting good boundaries). If she falls out with you over it it’s on her. I get the temptation to think ‘it’s not worth ruining group dynamics and a friendship for £50’- but actually making sure people know you won’t be walked over is absolutely worth it- you can then continue to be friendly to her, and it’s up to her whether she makes thing difficult in future.