AIBU to refuse to pay for friend’s suitcase

[mummysmagicmedicine]

Hello everyone

Buckle up this may be a long one.
My friends and I are going on our annual long weekend abroad. We have known each other since we were teenagers and are now all 30’s and married with kids. There is 6 of us total.

My friend in question, let’s call her Mary. Mary has several holidays a year and eats out etc at least 3 nights a week. She has been like that since we were teenagers and would go clubbing more nights a week than not yet claims she can’t afford xyz. She’s always been financially impulsive like this but I also understand everyone’s financial situations and priorities are different. The reason I have mentioned this will be relevant towards the end of the post. Her travel plans to the airport have fallen through, neither her nor her DH drive so she can’t drive and she said she cannot afford a cab, refuses to get rail replacement or a bus or coach because she can’t do those, suggested she takes a travel sickness tablet but she said she can’t take those. She also has never suffered from travel sickness in all the time I’ve known her (since school) but I’m aware this can change. She doesn’t live locally to us any more but none of us live closer than an hour to each other but requested one of us drive to central London to pick her up the night before (a four hour round trip on a good day). Due to work and childcare commitments, none of us will be able to pick her up the night before anyway but none of us could house her either. I am the only one with spare rooms but we will be having large building works at the time so we won’t have any space for an extra person.

She says she can’t afford a hotel so can’t stay at the airport the night before. Back to the point, I was supposed to be sharing a suitcase with her, only going Friday to Monday so no point having a large checked bag to myself so we were going to share. Unfortunately as she doesn’t think she’ll be able to make the holiday now, she’s requested I pay her back the £50 for her half of the suitcase (I booked but she transferred) as she won’t be using the suitcase now if she won’t be coming and she’s already losing out money for cancelling her holiday. I am sympathetic because a few hundred pounds is a lot to lose but equally especially with our current renovations, I haven’t financially planned to lose an extra £50 when I won’t be using the whole suitcase anyway but she is demanding I pay her £50. I don’t want to lose a friendship over this, we’ve been close for ages, bridesmaids at each other’s weddings etc but equally especially with the holidays coming up and paying for childcare/ entertainment for the kids on top of our existing renovations I don’t want to lose £50.

For context, the remaining four in my group and work collegues etc think I shouldn’t have to pay Mary £50 because if she’s cancelling her holiday, that’s not to do with me as unfortunate as it is but I’m keen to hear an outsider’s POV.

YABU- I should pay Mary £50 because she’s not using the suitcase anymore

YANBU- don’t pay Mary £50

Thank you lovelies!

I would pay her and never do her a favour again. Simple as that

Mary failed to save her money, make plans that were secure/independent... Mary will suffer losing money/holiday as a result.

You should not suffer financially for Mary's financial foolery. Don't give her a bean.

It’s paying to take a bag, not who owns a physical suitcase

😂😂

Just pay the 50 back to Mary and phase her out of your life - she sounds like a drama llama who doesn't bring much joy to your life. Small price to learn the valuable lesson in life...

Mary is a drag, I think your holiday will be infinitely better without her! I definitely wouldn't pay for her share of the case. It's been paid for already, she cancelled of her own choice.

'hey Mary, are you sure you want to miss the holiday? If you are worried about the train being cancelled or delayed, then just leave a bit more time for the rail replacement services to get you to the airport. Anyway about the suitcase- it's been paid for already and I'm pretty sure the airline won't be able to refund.. but if you've got the time feel free to contact them and let me know what they say. If they're able to refund us then I'll pay you back that's £50 and take a carry on case.'

I would be a bit more generous if something had genuinely come up and she was unable to go which was out of her control. Has her cancellation affected the accommodation booking or any other activities like transfers etc?

Can you unbook the suitcase and squeeze your stuff in with your friends’ and pay them a share?

This is a good response although I would say:

"If they're able to refund us then we can split the refund 50/50 and I can just take a carry on case."

I think ideally don't use the phrase "I'll pay you back" which sounds like OP owes Mary. I like the idea of putting the ball in her court to sort the suitcase issue!

Was the situation 3 large suitcases at £100 each split between 6 of you?

Each case to be shared by 2 people?

If so, I’d get the 5 remaining friends to each refund Mary £10. Maybe you could carry a few items for the others in your suitcase?

The burden of the £50 shouldn’t be on one person to pay if this was a general arrangement rather than just a private agreement between you and Mary.

I do think Mary is a little unfair to expect it back…but it’s an awkward one if you want to continue the friendship. What about other bookings, will you be out of pocket now for shared accommodation etc?

😂😂 - gosh I miss the laughing emoji

If yourself has the suitcase I would just ignore herself.

Mary sounds like a pain in the something-or-other. It's not your fault she can't make it on the holiday, so why should you be stuck paying more? It's not as though you'll benefit from having her half of the suitcase to use. You can only wear so many clothes in a weekend. If everyone else were willing to contribute so that each (including Mary) only paid a sixth of it, it wouldn't be quite so bad, but still not really right.

One thing's for certain, I wouldn't agree to this 'half a suitcase' thing again, or at least not with Mary.

Is one hundred pounds per piece the going rate for hold luggage?

That is insane, or is it the whole thing just made up?

Oh my god I am naive; I just checked Ryanair and it's 55 quid each way STN - BJV.

If you wanted to be equally annoying back to her say that all your money is budgeted out now, but you can pay her back in installments 😆

Pay her the 50 and keep the suitcase.

Or don't pay for the suitcase and give it back to her, along with 20 you pay for the use of her suitcase.

That's not a thing that happens!

my poor liver.

It's not the cost of an actual physical suitcase
it's the cost of taking a suitcase on the plane which they were going to share 50/50 and fill the suitcase with both of their belongings

You can't unbook anything with budget airlines

😂

She’d rather miss out on the holiday than get a bus/get the tube in time to allow for any delays/stay the night in a house where she might have to share a room with a dog. She sounds very precious. But if that’s the case, and she’s going to forgo whatever she’s spent on the holiday already anyway, surely the answer is that the cost of her “half” of the suitcase is just part of the cost of the holiday she’s losing? I don’t understand why she thinks she can have that £50 back but isn’t asking the rest of the group also to refund her holiday cost (which would be equally ridiculous but at least would be consistent).

This twist it round on her and tell her she owes you £50 since she pulled out she will soon keep quiet then

She's being awkward as fuck so no refund of the case. I wouldn't invite her to the next trip either. Saying that how has she managed previous trips to the airport?

If you agreed to share the hold cost of your suitcase with her for £50, she was clearly expecting you to go to hers to allow her to pack her half of your suitcase, and then take her and suitcase to the airport.
How else was she to get to pack her half of the suitcase…..was it your expectation that she would travel to the airport with her holiday stuff in a bin bag?

It sounds like she took a lift from you for granted. It also sounds like you didn’t communicate that you weren’t going to give her a lift before her agreeing to share the suitcase with you….nor that she couldn’t come to you to stay for a night beforehand in order to pack because your guest room wasn’t available unkess she agreed to sleep with the dog.
Poor communication all round maybe.

I would reluctantly pay up in order to put it behind me and move on, put it down to experience and realise that sharing a suitcase isn’t a good idea when you live so far away from each other.