I’m so fed up of this was I unreasonable?

[giraffes2021]

I feel like I’m close for cutting contact.

Mother is hard work she is quite the conspiracy theorist and constantly going on about conspiracy’s etc so the relationship is strained as I struggle with some of her thoughts but I plod on I dont tend to argue with her or pull her up on it as it ends up in an argument. Stuff like my daughter shouldn’t play football, dinosaurs aren’t real, my son shouldn’t play with dolls houses, Beyoncé’s a demon, pinks transgender that sort of thing.

Anyway today she was moaning that she has stated ‘immigrants’ are taking the fruit off the trees on her street to sell and she’s fuming about it as they come over here take our money blah blah blah the usual stuff (not quite sure how she knows they are immigrants but anyway by the by) To which I said to her they are entitled to eat the fruit off the trees as they are human beings!!!

She then sent me a nasty voice note saying that she cannot stand people like me (exact words) that I piss her off I’m weak wiled and liberal. Anyway I didn’t reply as it was my children’s sports day, she turned up to sports day fair enough she was unsure if she was coming initially but I gave her the cold shoulder I was civil but I’m so fed up of her talking to me like rubbish. Anyway she left after 5 minutes saying it was too much for her too busy and then an hour later sent me a nasty message - saying if I ever disrespect her again she will take my skin off.

I’m so fed up of it I feel like I’m in an abusive relationship.

was I unreasonable to give her the cold shoulder? I did speak to her I was just very short with her.

Thank you I will have a look at that.
shes basically saying I’m lucky she didn’t scream and shout at me at sports day. Part of me wishes she did would have made it a bit easier tbh.
it’s mad that my brain thinks it’s ok for her to be like this but I would never dream of acting like this with any of my children regardless of the situation. I know what is needed.

Thank you.
these replies are really really helping. The funny thing is well it’s not funny really but my DP his niece and nephew are of mixed race and his other nephew is homosexual and my mother has no boundaries when she talks about it!

I struggle with the fact that she has no one else literally no one else and then I cut myself and the children off I worry what her mental health will end up like but I know this isn’t my fault.

But do you really think it’s ok for her to be like this?

can you imagine still being in this situation in another 20 years, having endured another 20 years of this crap?

No it’s not ok at all and this is what my partner says that it’s only going to get worse.

No, it’s not your fault. This is self preservation, protecting you and your family.

Her mental health is in a bad state already, has been for YEARS. You could suggest she get some therapy in your ‘why I’m going NC info’, but I doubt she will, but then at least you’ve done your bit, the rest is on her.

You the last one standing. And you know why.

Sounds like you know what you need to do too.

Please do!!!

I’d love a post to let us know when you have. We’re all rooting for you!!

I’ve read some of the thread. Sounds so difficult for you OP! I wonder how somebody can be supported with their mental health when they are in denial 🧐 it certainly isn’t your responsibility, sounds like you’ve tried and given her multiple opportunities to connect. I’m just thinking out loud do you speak, could you encourage her to join some sort of social group? My mum did and it has done wonders for her mental and physical health, she was teetering on the edge of mental health breakdown. Maybe your mum is too stubborn to consider this, but might be worth trying?

@giraffes2021 your mother has agency to run her own life at 55.
If she can take in all of these views, even if they are awful, she is capable of making decisions.
As someone the same age as her, I have no family of my own, no DC, and have a few long term disabilities which have really reduced how I have to live.
I am responsible for myself and it’s tough. My parents were fantastic when they were alive, but they aren’t here now.
I have had to learn how to get on with it. And actually, it’s been a valuable learning curve.
I know it’s really tough, but let her get on with it, at least for a while. She’s not a frail old lady.
She may rail against it - let her.
You have no right to receive care and support from a daughter when you’ve threatened to take the skin off her in public, no right at all.

Good grief, I've only just realised she is only 55! Not worth worrying about her getting old and frail as she probably has decades to go. You absolutely mustn't sacrifice yours and your children's lives to her for all that time.

The only thing I could think you could do which may help ease your conscience a bit is contact her doctor or adult social services. You can say how you’re having to pull away but you are really concerned for her mental state.
I don’t know if they would/could do anything but it may just put her on their radar.

Also remember that it’s not your fault that she has no one else. She has done this herself.

I am not sure if I’ve missed it but if you aren’t already I would recommend some counselling. I know where I live there is a local free service. I think it’s something that could really help with cutting her off.

Block her, don’t allow her to keep sending those kind of messages. She is an abusive narcissist.

The feelings of guilt is normal. Your dm is definitely not normal it might be her opinions which she is allowed to have but she is also a very toxic woman and I would leave her be for now as she is in the wrong if she reaches out tell her straight you don’t like how you are treated and you have had enough from her if she’s not willing to change then your going to have to cut ties with her as your children are not growing up with the bs she spouts as you did as her dd. I get sad when I hear stuff like this especially when other mothers are amazing but no longer here and you get nasty mothers whose kids don’t want them to be there but feel obliged to be there for them.

My late DF was like this for years. Not so much conspiracy theories but biased and bitter comments. I went LC for years as it made me so stressed. However, I didn't live close by so he couldn't just call round. Perhaps a move might help the situation or let someone tell her you have moved!