I’m so fed up of this was I unreasonable?

[giraffes2021]

I feel like I’m close for cutting contact.

Mother is hard work she is quite the conspiracy theorist and constantly going on about conspiracy’s etc so the relationship is strained as I struggle with some of her thoughts but I plod on I dont tend to argue with her or pull her up on it as it ends up in an argument. Stuff like my daughter shouldn’t play football, dinosaurs aren’t real, my son shouldn’t play with dolls houses, Beyoncé’s a demon, pinks transgender that sort of thing.

Anyway today she was moaning that she has stated ‘immigrants’ are taking the fruit off the trees on her street to sell and she’s fuming about it as they come over here take our money blah blah blah the usual stuff (not quite sure how she knows they are immigrants but anyway by the by) To which I said to her they are entitled to eat the fruit off the trees as they are human beings!!!

She then sent me a nasty voice note saying that she cannot stand people like me (exact words) that I piss her off I’m weak wiled and liberal. Anyway I didn’t reply as it was my children’s sports day, she turned up to sports day fair enough she was unsure if she was coming initially but I gave her the cold shoulder I was civil but I’m so fed up of her talking to me like rubbish. Anyway she left after 5 minutes saying it was too much for her too busy and then an hour later sent me a nasty message - saying if I ever disrespect her again she will take my skin off.

I’m so fed up of it I feel like I’m in an abusive relationship.

was I unreasonable to give her the cold shoulder? I did speak to her I was just very short with her.

Good for you for being a different mother to your children than the one you had. Breaking the cycle is easier said than done.

YANBU—at all. You’re not giving the cold shoulder, you’re setting basic emotional boundaries. Her behaviour is controlling, cruel, and frankly threatening. “Take your skin off” isn’t just nasty—it’s abusive.
You’re right to feel like you’re nearing the end of what you can tolerate. Protecting your peace and your children from this kind of toxicity isn’t disrespect—it’s self-respect.

Yes this is abusive, ‘take your skin off’ sounds like an aggressive drunk man you would meet in a pub, it’s quite scary actually. Has she always been like this? Life is too short to have that sort of toxicity in it, regardless if it’s your mum or not. I would also worry about her becoming like that with your children in the future. Tell her you have had enough and you will no longer be spoken to like that. Also can I just congratulate you - you sound like an amazing mum compared to her!!

That sounds like an abusive relationship to me. Someone threatening to 'take my skin off' would be NC instantly.

Cease all contact. Block her on all channels. If she has anything to say (like an apology) she can write to you.

Enjoy a summer of not listening to toxic nastiness. Not allowing your children to come in contact with such nonsense. Have a lovely school holidays, free from all that stress.

It’s no one’s fruit it’s trees in the middle of a public road

Hell would freeze over before she apologised for any behaviour, I know what I need to do but why do I just feel so bad for doing so.

You feel like you’re in an abusive relationship because you are.

She is too toxic to be around your precious children. I have been NC with my mother for about twelve years and the relief is huge. You don’t have to tolerate another second of this shit.

I know she can be very aggressive and she has a temper. Thank you that means a lot it’s sad to think that I don’t want to be anything like her tbh I hope my children never think of me that way.

I would slowly withdraw from her and be unavailable a lot more

The only person who should feel bad is your mother, for being so horrible to her daughter. What an absolutely disgusting thing to say 'I'll take your skin off'...who the fucking hell does she thinks she is? Your mother should be the LAST person in the world saying things like that to you (not that anyone should).

I'd send the message @LaurieFairyCake posted, then block her number.

Actions have consequences.

You have choices. I believe that unless they literally have a gun to your head, people who have no real power over you (in this case, your mother) will treat you as badly as you allow them too.

She is not a spouse you might rely on for money or housing or who has cowed you by violence. She has no gun. You can make this stop if you let go of guilt that is actually inappropriate.

I wouldn't. I'd just tell her she's abusive and you don't want to see her anymore. Why pussyfoot around?

Honestly OP, your children are being affected.
She shouldn't be around them.
Part of being a good mum is keeping people like her away.

Do it for your children if not yourself.

OP she sounds awful and I wouldn't want my children around her. You don't have to feel guilty about not wanting an abusive person in your life, even if that person is your mother! You don't owe her your time or support.

She's mad now because she's realised you're not going to keep quiet any longer. You're not a child anymore. What do you want?

Oh god, OP. What a vile thing to say to anyone, let alone your own DAUGHTER 😮

im so sorry - I imagine growing up with her was very difficult.

You’re an adult now though. You don’t have to put up with the relationship any longer.

and you certainly have the right to protect your own children from anything to do with her.

Listen to Mariana in Conspiracyland 2 on bbc sounds - I think you’ll find it cathartic!

'Take your skin off' is a next level threat. Don't think I've heard anything like it before.
I couldn't countenance this kind of vile at all. 💐

What an absolutely vile phrase to use!

People who talk about being disrespected seem to often not be deserving of respect it seems.

I know thank you for your replies. I’m so glad to know that I’m not going crazy

You don’t just feel like you’re in an abusive relationship with your mum. You are in an abusive relationship with her.

Your mum is not only aggressive and threatening towards you, but she’s also a) thick and b) mad. I wouldn’t let someone like her anywhere near my kids if I were you. She’s basically an extremist.

This is horrible for you.Family or not it sounds abusive and vile. Similar situation re my adult child after being told to fk off out her house for standing up to her abuse and disrespect for the third time I did just that I f ked off. That was 6 months ago it’s been horrendous but abuse is abuse even if it’s family . Going no contact is a last resort and it’s hideous it’s like grieving for a living person but you matter too .

I have multiple family members like this and I don’t have any contact with any of them and my life is so much better for it. I feel sorry for myself that I don’t have the family I want/need but I don’t grieve losing them in the slightest

Goad her into cutting you off, then you’ll feel less guilty. But either way, she needs to go. I’m afraid she is a horrible woman.

She is abusive. Your DP and DC see it too so you know it's not just you. She will never change except for the worse. There is nothing you can do so you don't need to feel guilty. Now, go no contact. It's by far the best thing you can do in this situation.