Sons best friend has been accused of SA- Trigger warning

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Name change for this one.

My 19 year old sons best friend since he was 10 has been charged with SA against another girl in their friendship group at a house party. He blocked her in a room after getting her drunk and was pressuring her for things and kept grabbing at her and trying to slide his hand up her leg whilst telling her she knew she wanted to do it etc. She was upset and asking to leave and he wouldn't let her leave the room until the friend group including my son realised they were both missing and went to find them to check they were ok.

She came out in tears, told everyone what happened. My son took his best mate off and ended up punching him mid way through a chat as he apparently saw nothing wrong with what he'd done and was using derogatory language towards her...saying she was a slag etc.

My son and their other M/F friends have obviously rallied round the girl and she has a wonderful family who are looking after her.

My son told me and his father who doesn't live with us what had happened separately.

His father turned round and told him he should have stuck up for his mate (you can see why our relationship ended in this one sentence).

After a long string of things like this with his dad (that is already in counselling for) he's decided to cut contact with him. Plus his best mate and the friendship group has absolutely disbanded over the last week with people taking sides.

My son is very upset he's lost his best friend and finally decided to cut out his dad but he's also adamant its the right decision for both.

Any advice on how to handle this?

AIBU if I just let his relationship with his father dwindle out now?

Yep. While being honest and supporting the victim is admirable, the punch absolutely isn't. He's not the saint that many posters are painting him as.

Leave him to manage his own relationship with his dad. But you have to make it clear to him that that must be the very last time he lays a blow on anyone.

You should be very proud of your son. He knows what is right.

You’ve raised a great son. Good job, and you should be proud of him.

Your son was right to challenge his friend on his behaviour, which was criminal. Though he was obvs wrong to assault him, as that’s a criminal offence.

Your son is an adult, so it’s for him to decide what sort of relationship he has with his father.

IMHO, unless there’s abuse/safeguarding risks, it’s best not to discourage children (minors or adults) from having a relationship with the other parent. Some fathers discourage their children from having a relationship with their mother. IMHO, it’s wrong either way.

Children (minors or adults) often have different views to their parents and extended family members. If those views are discriminatory, they can obvs challenge them. Sometimes, they change their views as a result. But IMHO sometimes you have to agree to disagree, or avoid discussing certain subjects, for the sake of continuing a relationship, which is important.

But it’s your son’s decision and you should support him, while reminding him assault (physical or sexual) is never OK.