To not want to eat Chinese - help me to see if I’m being unreasonable

[Watermoves]

My partners favourite take away is Chinese. I’m not keen, I’m vegetarian (raised this way) and just find its bland and boring. I have eaten Chinese but I don’t really like it.

Therefore we often have Indian, Mexican, pizza etc if we have a takeaway all of which he also really likes. I often offer to get him a Chinese or suggest he gets one if I’m working late etc but he always says no.

it come to a head tonight as he wanted a Chinese take away and I didn’t fancy it but suggested I would get something else. He said it’s not the same eating a takeaway alone. I kinda get that, but I would have got myself an Indian. (We would be eating at the table together just different food)

He basically said I should suck it up and eat the Chinese food every so often for him? My rationale is that I shouldn’t have to eat what I don’t want or like?

who is being unreasonable?

You've misunderstood.

Well, a basic part of life is doing things you don't like, sometimes to accommodate a loved one.

I don't suppose you have a cuisine where you could ask him to suffer through it for you? It seems silly to argue over take-out, when you could just go to two places to pick up your meals. On the other hand, loving Chinese food myself, I wonder if you couldn't find another restaurant based on another regional Chinese cuisine, more to your taste. Some are quite spicy, not at all bland.

It wouldn't matter how much I loved someone, there is no way I am eating anything I do not like just because they wanted the experience of eating it. I am all for compromise, and in that instance I would happily compromise by saying "well you order yours and I will order mine". I know my husband used to quite like going out for the occasional curry, which I never eat, and I compromised by telling him to take his mother or a friend with him. If this topic was about any kind of sexual act, you know how the voting would go.

My husband hates Chinese food and so I go with my children or get it when out for friends.

OP is vegetarian

Sorry, yes, I really did misunderstand! Apologies xx

You’re not being unreasonable. If you’re eating together then I don’t see the problem at all. The only thing I would say is you’re eating the wrong Chinese food! There is nothing bland about it and there are plenty of veggie options!

I wouldn't order and eat takeaway I didn't like - but I struggle to understand finding Chinese food boring and bland! There's huge variation in Chinese cuisine- I'm guessing your takeaway is a Cantonese style (adopted to British tastes) and you might prefer more authentic or different regional varieties

This is totally odd behaviour from him. Of course you shouldn’t eat food you don’t enjoy. I don’t like sushi and DH would never insist that I have to eat it to keep him company! With Just Eat etc it’s become much more normal to order takeaways from different places. We sometimes do it if the kids fancy pizza and we want an Indian. The whole thing is very weird and controlling from him.

I can kind of see his point. Part of having a Chinese is getting several dishes and sharing them surely? That’s what we do! Having Chinese for 1 gives you no variety. In fact I prefer having at least 4 people for a Chinese!
iI have never had a bland Chinese takeout!
So on that basis YABU. I don’t think it’s much to ask for you to compromise on your preferences from time to time when he presumably compromises every time!

Just order what you want ffs.

It’s not a compromise for him if he likes the takeaways they’re getting! Whereas he’s literally asking OP to get something she doesn’t like. Worse – and a bit controlling/red flaggy – is he wants her to get excited about the food just because he does.

He’s perfectly capable of ordering Chinese while she orders from elsewhere or cooks something else, and they eat together, sounds like they have a hefty takeaway budget to cover the extra delivery costs. (If not, a compromise would be to alternate who gets takeaway: he has Chinese one week and OP cooks, she gets takeaway the next week and he cooks.) But no, he wants her to eat the same meal as him and he wants to get inside her brain and make her enjoy it the right way. Weirdo man.

It sounds like he’s pressuring you to do what he wants even though you’ve given him the option of ordering Chinese for himself and you aren’t holding him back from that opportunity.

If you are open to exploring Chinese food some more, I was raised vegetarian (and would eat eggs). I was always a fan of Egg Foo Young, which most people don’t seem to think of when it comes to Chinese. I’m also a massive fan of Chinese buffets as they offer a flavorful variety (Crab Rangoon, noodles, rice, etc.). I also always get pineapple in my rice to “brighten” up my plate 😋

But it’s OK to know that you don’t want to eat something and your husband should respect that. Is there a food he dislikes that you can analogize?

Ok. OP is vegetarian. Doesn't eat meat. People are suggesting she should eat meat occasionally to make her partner happy. Her partner says she should eat meat occasionally to make him happy. 🙄
How about this: OP doesn't like to eat snake. Partner does and wants OP to eat it occasionally to make him happy. Is that ok? He says it's no fun eating snake alone. OP has offered to sit with him at dinner eating something she likes while he eats his snake, but he's not appeased. Should she just eat the fucking snake to make him happy?

FWIW Asian cuisine offers some of the most exciting vegetarian options. Wondering why OP doesn't pull a strop that her partner won't eat like her? Maybe it's respect? 🤔

I don't really understand why, when we've been told the OP doesn't like Chinese food, some posters are insisting she should still try Chinese food!
I'd be annoyed if somebody was trying to force me to order a takeaway that I knew I wouldn't enjoy! Takeaways are expensive these days, way too expensive to be eating something that wouldn't be a treat for you!
You're not being unreasonable, OP.

Why would you purchase a meal you don’t like? Why would he expect you to? Why is he incapable of eating takeaway solo?

No you shouldn’t have to eat a meal you wouldn’t enjoy just so your partner is happy. It’s odd that he wants you to.

How ridiculous when he knows you don’t like it. I love Chinese, and wouldn’t care if someone ordered a different takeaway. I’d ask him to suggest how exactly you’re supposed be excited to eat something you dislike.

There’s loads of veggie stuff from a Chinese. Salt and pepper tofu & salt and pepper chips certainly don’t taste like dishwater

And you literally sat and trawled through the thread in order to count up how many people had made that comment so you could tell them all off. GAL?

Is he the same about other things in your lives?

Why can’t Chinese be something he does with his friends?

Could you ever try a good Chinese restaurant? Might be a different experience. Sounds like your local takeaway is bog standard boring.

Cancel the cheque chicken

@Watermoves , I find the 'vegetarian ' dishes on the menu of my local Chinese are, as you describe, like dishwater. The only vegetarian thing I like is the curry, which is a lovely gingery sauce. Otherwise I ask for mix veg in satay sauce, which is not on the menu, but no problem for them to do.

You'll never be excited about food you don't like. It's pretty obvious really!

You're not stopping him from ordering his favourite food. You eating other foods should not impact on his enjoyment.

If you banned him from ordering it in, he'd have a point.

Is he awkward about anything else or just this specific (non) issue?

Have you tried Singapore noodles? They have a bit of spice to them that you might like.

wtf?! He wants you to be ‘excited’ to have a Chinese?! Bizarre! Me and my DH just go into whichever takeaway we want, so he might get Indian, on the same row, there’s a chippy, a Chinese, a pizza place. Makes sod all difference.