Gender swap situation

[TenThousandYears]

I know you're all probably fed up hearing about this subject...I just need to vent.

DD has been friends with "Sally" for 10 years. (Both 14) Since nursery. In the last few months Sally has decided to change gender and now wants to be called " Ron"

DD just can't wrap her head around this. If she slips up, she gets nasty looks from "Ron" and so she's treading on eggshells.

Ron's brother still refers to Ron as Sally so DD is very confused by it all.

I'm on DDs side. Personally, I would hate to be in her shoes right now. I think if you meet someone and are introduced to them as whomever then that's easier to accept than having to change names and pronouns of someone you've been friends with for 10 years. On TV shows people just accept this straight away and move on but I'm not convinced that it's really that easy.

I also think 14 is a bit young for these changes but that's just my personal opinion.

Are me and my child horrible people for not being able to accept this right away?

Using someone's given name isn't 'dead naming'. 🫣

How would you define deadnaming, then?

Why would anyone need to define it?

Ron appears to be a complete narcissist i would sack them off if I was dd.

Sally isn't dead therefore it isn't deadnaming.

I don't define it because it's not a realistic concept. 🫣

Either that or they're very troubled.

I agree let your daughter step away from Ron. She's got GCSE work next year which is more important than her old friend being offended at the moment.

Yeah, either way sack them off

I'll be honest: I'd probably advise your daughter to spend less time with Sally. She's turning into more trouble than she's worth, imo.

I don't envy the way young adults have to navigate through the complex subject of gender/sexuality these days.

20 years ago when I was at uni my flatmate came out as gay. I supported him and thought how brave he was and how difficult growing up was considering the default on assuming we are all heterosexual.

However, my role was simple as instead of asking if he fancied any girls I asked if he fancied any boys. Our interactions otherwise remained the same.

These days it seems far more complex because how people identify and the pronouns they prefer can change fairly frequently (e.g. Demi Lovato).

You almost need email notificatons to stay up to speed with someone's view of themselves. I have a lot of friends that I might bump into every 2-3 or 4-5 years at present. If any of those identified a different way I'd imagine those interations would quickly turn awkward as I inadvertently caused offence through not having the latest info.

When I was at school (around year 5) I wanted to change my name to my nickname. Eg had always been called Elizabeth, wanted to be called Beth.
I quickly had to accept that people wouldn't remember to do it, and spent most of primary still being called Elizabeth. Then in secondary it was properly changed to Beth with the odd exception who still used Elizabeth for a while.
Changing a name completely would be even harder and ridiculous to expect people, nevermind children, to remember.
My parents still call me my full name now.

You weren't telling people you'd changed sex though. Very different.

There's no difference in the language use, its not easy to remember to completely change what someone is called.

What a horrible small-minded person you are

This !
Everyone is non binary. Nobody is completely gender conforming as gender roles are sexist nonsense. The transgender movement is extremely regressive and conformist.

Some people on this thread seem to be labouring under the impression that they get to say whether or not something is a genuine concept needing a name. You don't, you only get to parade your arrogance state your own opinions on the matter. The levels of intolerance, arrogance and sheer narrow-mindedness on this thread are something even for Mumsnet.

People are more than entitled to call out nonsense when they see it.

Well to be balanced I would actually say kids are fairly good at adapting. I had a lot of friends with nicknames, but whenever I was around at their house I'd be sure to use their christian name as I didn't want to offend their mum. I always thought it was polite to use their given name around their mum and in their house. Then when outside mucking about with friends I would switch back to calling them by their nickname.

Saying that a nickname is much different to completely switching the language you have with regards to pronouns and staying up to speed with how someone wishes to be addressed. Espeically if this applies for multiple people.

What is horrible about acknowledging someone's biological sex? It's not like being a particular sex is shameful, is it?

I think you are perfectly well aware of what the word means.

DD said that a few of them have used the name Sally a few times so it shows that everyone is still getting used to it. It's just that the friend groups only accumulated recently. The others went to different schools so it may not be as awkward for them.

And people are also more than entitled to call out blind arrogance.

It’s all a load of codswallop as we all know, but in the interests of harmony I’d suggest to your dd that she either doesn’t use her friend’s name or tries to agree on a nickname maybe. What she refers to “Ron” as when Ron isn’t around is none of Ron’s business 🤷🏼‍♀️

What's horrible and small minded about acknowledging the reality of biological sex?

You must know that Sally will never be male, why should we pander to delusion. We don't do it for any other delusions so why this one?