Step/grandparent not sure do I have to be either?

[Mintyhedgehog]

So my granddaughters mum has just had a new baby (not my daughter) with her new partner. Who I cannot stand and has made no effort to bother with us,despite us welcoming him from day one. I cannot stand his parents who seem to have shoved us out of the way and are acting like our granddaughters grandparents. Apart from gifts at Christmas etc do we have to have a relationship with the baby? Is wrong to be jealous of the new grandparents?

I specialize in kinship and I have no idea how you are or are not related to this baby.

Seconded. OP?

I can't make head not tail about who's who on this OP and how they're related.

OP’s son is the babies father.

The op is the granny, granny is mother to grand daughters father.

grandaughter’s mother has left op’s son and had a baby with another man.

therefor op and new baby are not related.

I don’t think you need to have a relationship with the new baby OP but it doesn’t hurt to be nice. Just a Christmas present for example

We are not related to the new baby at all but we have a granddaughter. The granddaughters mum was in a relationship with our son. Hope this clears it up.

No, you don't need to have a relationship with the new baby, she isn't your grandchild and doesn't live with your son.

Who can you not stand, your ex-DIL or her new partner?

I’m in a similar situation op

It's simple.

OPs son has an ex who is the mother of OPs grandchild, let's call him William.

We'll call the ex dil Diana. Diana has had a new baby, Harry, with a new partner, we'll call him Dodi.

OP doesn't like Dodi or his parents Mohammad and Fatima. Mo and Fatima are all over William like a rash.

Does OP have to bother with Harry?

Dodi wasn’t Harry’s father

Be kind to Harry ie small Christmas present but nothing further required.

Your ex DiL/son’s ex partner has had a baby with a new partner? If I’ve understood this I wouldn’t in answer to your first question and why be jealous?

I know 🤣

They are no longer together so your son should be facilitating a relationship between you and DC, if he so wishes. Why is it the exs fault that you feel pushed out?

Because OP is being pushed out by Mo and Fatima. William is her granddaughter but they’re trying to minimise that. It’s not nice.

We usually have our granddaughter every other weekend for sleepovers and to spend time with her. Also in the holidays we've helped with childcare when the mum went to work. Our granddaughter is extremely excited she's only 5 and assumes that we will be looking after the new baby as well. There's been nothing discussed with the mum and we've had a good relationship. Until the idiot arrived on scene now it seems as though we're on the bottom of the pile for knowing any info. Her own mother passed away and she's no family of her own locally. We supported her thought her loss now it feels like we're being slapped in the face. I understand all are excited over the new baby but I personally don't want to know. The mum basically comes in says bye to our granddaughter and goes that's it. Then hurry up idiots in the car waiting.

I work in children’s services, it was immediately obvious to me what the relationships were and later confirmed by the OP and others. Really not hard to understand but maybe because I’m used to seeing a variety of family situations. What do you mean by you specialise in kinship?

Most DC have multiple grandparents, it isn't like a parental role where you can only have one. It must be hard for the mother to maintain a relationship if you want her to hide her newborn away when speaking to you. Where is the Dad?

Right - your son had a relationship with A, they had B. They split up and subsequently A met someone new and had a new baby with them, C?

A drops off B, doesn’t appear to have any expectation for you to have anything to do with C, with seems to align with what you want from a relationship perspective.

So what is annoying you? That A doesn’t spend time with you anymore? That is quite normal following a split.

Focus on your granddaughter OP. The new baby has nothing to do with you, but she does.

You obviously don't need to be involved with the new baby. You're not related, and the baby won't be living with your son. To be nice, I'd probably send a one off gift when the baby is born, but that would be in. Why would there be any expectation on you to care for this new baby?

It won't be a step child, because it won't be living with your son. The new baby has got its biological grandchildren. The new grandparents are in a different position, because your granddaughter is living with their son, so she's now a step child, and there is more pressure to treat her the same.

I don't think most People would break up with someone, then expect in laws to treat future non-related children the same as their grandchild?

The split was just after the gd was born they decided it was wasn't working which is their business. I feel like I'm being pushed to have feelings towards the new baby and supposed to like every post on FB etc.our relationship with are granddaughter is the same. But she expects us to be involved with the baby being only 5 it's understandable she doesn't understand. I'm Jealous of the new grandparents as I feel they are forcing us out and taking over with both children. I understand they formed a bond with the oldest as the relationship grew. But calling herself nana and my grandkids really annoys me.

You had a good relationship with your DS's ex which was great while it lasted. Now there's a new partner on the scene and in particular a new baby it complicates things. You are not step grandparent to the new baby, the new partners parents are technically step grandparents to DGD if DS's ex is married.

Keep things cordial with DGD's mum for the sake of DGD but your DS should be the one to facilitate your relationship with DGD moving forwards. That way there's a clear distinction for DGD when she sees her DF & his family that it is something she does on her own and doesn't involve the new baby.

There will be a tiny percentage of people who will manage a totally integrated set up to include DS's ex, their new partner and DC completely unrelated to them but it's far from the norm.

I understand that you're jealous, I would be too. However!!!! You want everyone around your granddaughter to be kind to her, better that you are jealous than she's miserable. Just be kind and neutral about the new baby, your granddaughter will understand in time.