My neighbour allows kids to play at her house

[Eolhc1990]

OK so I feel like a bit of an @ssh0le here but this is driving me crazy. Last year I moved into a new house with my husband and DC (now 6 and 3) we live on a small quiet road with only a few houses. There are kids under 8 in 5 of those houses. We have front gardens but the kids that are 7/8 years old play on the street riding bikes/scooters etc and they can be loud which is a bit annoying but its kids what can you do. Anyway one of the other families is a lady with a 5 year old child and a baby. Because her child is too young to play on the road she will let the older neighbour kids play in her front garden, she will set up a table with play doh or paint or today a splash pad! and the kids will play there for a few hours while she sits and watches.... my problem is now everytime I try to bring my kids in from creche I'm getting pestered by them to go over there.
She always invites them and is a very sweet lady but by the time my kids are home it's 6pm and I just want to get them in and into the bath etc.
With the recent warm weather this is EVERY evening im dreading this evening because il have to face a meltdown if i say no to them playing on the splashpad with the other kids and I just think its a lot. Im sure the other parents think this is great they can just leave their kids over there but for me it's a nightmare we are not really playdate house at the best of times. I prob need to get over it but just needed to vent. I feel like asking her can she get the kids to hide when I come home from work

I remember having to come in earlier than other kids and go to bed when they were still playing out. Those were my mums rules so I followed them. It’s not your neighbours problem that you want your kids in bed early.

I have raised three children and I'm far from perfect but it would have killed me only to have an hour with them and a task filled hour at that.

I can a million percent guarantee I would not get annoyed. There's nothing more wonderful than seeing and hearing your children happy, you are missing out on so much and so are they.

Please get counselling and get to the bottom of what is causing you to feel and act so unhappily. A happy person would not be acting and sounding the way you do and I'm genuinely concerned for you and your children. Please take care and please get the support you undoubtedly need.

this weekend was my son’s birthday. Friday after school a neighbour kid stopped by and they had a water fight. Saturday we had his party and then brought 4 of them back here for another water fight (in our front garden), a bbq and some football. Then one stayed over. Sunday we hosted a group of them to play dungeons and dragons. Nonstop giggling, people in and out, sausages on the grill constantly… it was lovely. We live on a culdesac and there are a few other children on the estate. On a nice evening they’re usually in the middle green running around but also float around the gardens and run in between. I’m so glad we found this community and I hope you can find the joy in yours.

Of course you should have a routine that works for you and balancing work and children and bedtimes as a single parent is a lot. No judgement at all about that - it’s just not your neighbours’ problem. And it would be good to try to figure out why you won’t let your children socialise in their own home. It’s a shame and it sounds like they really want to spend a bit more time with children their age than their current situation allows.

Oh just try and live a little love. These warm evenings are rare and precious. They’re so young, let them stay up late and be with their friends, take a bottle of something nice or some flowers for the lovely neighbour, get them an ice cream, let them splash in puddles and get dirty, eat sandwiches on the grass for dinner. No one looks back and wishes they’d said no more often.

but by the same methods to flip your methods, thats their way of doing activities, until society does it military style etc and the whole neighbourhood is the same then people will do differently

To those saying "its not every day" it has been every single evening since last Wednesday and prior to the good weather my kids would see the kids bikes/scooters regularly parked outside her house so they would know that the other kids were in there as she allows them inside to play in bad weather aswel so it has been annoying me for a while.

This woman is just very different to me she is an artist so she works from home and has flexibility that I don't. Her husband works away a lot she is a bit airy fairy, once when we did go over for a pre agreed playdate she let the kids do paper machè which just seemed an odd choice for a playdate. Like she gave the kids old shirts to wear but her table was wrecked with it, I just couldn't live like that and it makes me uncomfortable even looking at it plus it makes me feel a bit inadequate about parenting because the kids are obsessed with her. I'm sure she loses her shit like all of us but to them she seems to have endless patience. To me it's just weird that you would have other ppls kids in your house and garden like what would happen if someone got hurt there?

You’ve said it’s EVERY day, then you don’t know what days it is, so you can’t say one day for your kids to go. You are causing the confusion.

the woman sounds great, her children will remember the papier mache making etc, children don’t remember neat tidy bedrooms and no mess allowed (or if they do, it’s not fondly).

If someone got hurt there, you’d do what you do in your own home.

To those saying "its not every day" it has been every single evening since last Wednesday

so wed/thurs/friday/monday

4x

😆

Christ I’d love a neighbour like that. 😅

You sound very unhappy and like you’re not really enjoying parenting atm

This is 100% a problem with you not her.

It is something that should cause you minor irritation and be forgotten about in an instant. Before you get home, talk to your child about what you will be doing when you get there to set the expectation, remind her of that plan when she sees something else she fancies, and move on.

If you are going to continue to be so rigid about mess and unwelcoming to your child’s friends, you should begin to accept that at some point when she is old enough to choose, she will prefer to spend time at other people’s houses instead of being at home.

Well I can't assume that she is going to do it every Friday as obviously they do go other places from time to time but im just saying it's very regularly that she has kids over. Like more evenings than not she has kids over there.

An artist suggesting a papier mâché activity doesn't sound odd to me - sounds brilliant!

Oh I’ve just read the rest of your posts. Why are you comparing yourself to her? You’ve got completely different parenting styles. I wouldn’t be annoyed by her, I’d consider it a form of outsourcing. 😅 She’s not airy fairy, she’s just not as rigid as you. I get it, I like routine and regular bedtimes too, but there’s room for both. Frankly, she sounds delightful.

Me too, I remember hearing children playing outside where we stayed on holiday while my siblings and I were in bed. We did what we were told but wanted to be out playing. I still feel sad thinking back on it, my parents never really encouraged playing with other children

This is a you problem, not a her problem. Grow up and deal with your emotions.

@Eolhc1990 I'm sorry op but honestly you're going to struggle if you keep being this uptight. I get needing a routine, I really do. But so far you don't want impulsive playing at the neighbours, you feel uncomfortable at planned play dates and don't want other kids in your house. And you get annoyed at neighbours doing things differently. And with the ice cream man...

You have 2 little kids who need to socialise, let loose and have fun and make/maintain friendships.

It really might be worth trying to work on why you struggle so much with this side of things and try to work on that. For your kids.

Why don’t you channel some of this feistiness in to parenting your young children?

Perhaps spending more time with her might help you relax a bit. Its fun to sometimes do messy things like papier mache, and its even better when you can do it at someone else's house so the mess isn't your problem!

My house was the house all the kids went to play in when my DD was little. I didn't worry about any of them getting hurt (beyond stopping them doing dangerous things) because a serious injury was unlikely and a mild injury was unlikely to be a problem with the parents, just like I wouldn't make a fuss about DD getting mild injuries playing at someone else's house.

I agree, I never had play dates, I was put to bed early (in a bedroom with a window facing the street where all my friends were still out), my mum would have HATED this woman. Relax and live a little.

Dear me, I did loads of papier mache with my kids and I did as a child myself, none of us are ‘airy fairy’!

it makes me feel a bit inadequate about parenting because the kids are obsessed with her

All the rest of your posts is just waffle, it's all there is. You are jealous and inadequate.

Playing until 8pm is absolutely normal for children, winter or summer. No one is asking you or expecting you to change your routine.
Just tell your children "no" and and they'll soon realise that a tantrum will go nowhere and is not acceptable.

This must be one of the most ridiculous threads we had.

You are coming across as quite jealous.

She sounds like she is trying to help her dc to make friends and is enjoying providing activities other than playing in a road. Mine used to love arts and crafts. I like her!

They're not in her house though, they're in her front garden? It might be mildly annoying for you but she's not doing anything wrong. With the long summer evenings you're probably going to find children playing outside most evenings and frankly that's brilliant - so much better than being stuck on screens or video games! I would allow your kids to join for half an hour a couple of times a week - it's really good for them and you can just do a quick shower and still get them to bed 7ish.

Yes, I need to be firm with my kids but does noone else see how this could be even mildly annoying like living next to a constant birthday party and having to be the bad guy saying no all the time?

no one tells her about the ice cream trucks that set camp in front of primary schools every afternoon 😂