My neighbour allows kids to play at her house

[Eolhc1990]

OK so I feel like a bit of an @ssh0le here but this is driving me crazy. Last year I moved into a new house with my husband and DC (now 6 and 3) we live on a small quiet road with only a few houses. There are kids under 8 in 5 of those houses. We have front gardens but the kids that are 7/8 years old play on the street riding bikes/scooters etc and they can be loud which is a bit annoying but its kids what can you do. Anyway one of the other families is a lady with a 5 year old child and a baby. Because her child is too young to play on the road she will let the older neighbour kids play in her front garden, she will set up a table with play doh or paint or today a splash pad! and the kids will play there for a few hours while she sits and watches.... my problem is now everytime I try to bring my kids in from creche I'm getting pestered by them to go over there.
She always invites them and is a very sweet lady but by the time my kids are home it's 6pm and I just want to get them in and into the bath etc.
With the recent warm weather this is EVERY evening im dreading this evening because il have to face a meltdown if i say no to them playing on the splashpad with the other kids and I just think its a lot. Im sure the other parents think this is great they can just leave their kids over there but for me it's a nightmare we are not really playdate house at the best of times. I prob need to get over it but just needed to vent. I feel like asking her can she get the kids to hide when I come home from work

Very much agree. I remember that it was not allowed when I was a child and as a result, I deliberately let my kids have lots of other kids round. It was joyous having a play date and spontaneous play date household.

Every night, bang on 7pm this week and last, an ice cream van comes and parks outside my house with its music going. And every night my three year old asks me for ice cream, and every night (except Friday as a treat) he has been told no. Saying no and helping them manage their emotions when they hear no is just part of parenting. It’s understandable that they have a hard time with it, but you can’t remove all joy from the world to make your life easier.

The neighbour sounds lovely. You just need to be firm with your children and make it clear when they can and can’t go round there.

You don’t see why you should change your routine but you want this woman to do
things differently?

This sounds amazing to me. I grow up in a small close with 5 houses all with similar aged kids. We used to spend every evening in summer playing out in the close or in someone’s garden. Then be out at the weekend and school holidays all day. In and out of each others houses too. We used to do imaginary play with on going games, ride bikes, play rounders/football/cricket/tennis, climb trees or have water fights.
Sometimes the adults would come out and play rounders or cricket too. We could always be seen from someone’s window so there wasn’t always an adult out.
I have a 3 year old and I would absolutely love this for her. Unfortunately we are in a block of flats with no kids her age.

Let them play for 15-20 mins or so! Don’t you let your kids have any fun at home in the evening?
and what does ‘we are not a play date house mean’?! That’s really sad if your kids don’t get to go round to other houses to play ☹️

Or just unclench and move bedtime later in summer like most of us do. Feel sorry for the kids tbh, they will probs remember that feeling of not being allowed to join in something fun and special

This, this is quite a sad OP really.

Heaven forbid someone struggling with an autistic kid should have some insecurities, eh? 🙄 What’s with the attitude?

Don’t feel self conscious. No one is saying the OP can’t stick to her routine if that’s what she wants to do.

my kids are 5 and 3 and they thrive on their routine so it’s rare we deviate from the plan (they’re both asleep in bed already.) We might have the odd later night because of something fun, but usually on days where the next day won’t be hugely impacted if they’re super tired.
But I’m also not complaining about how other people choose to parent while defending my own parenting style. Every household is different - some co sleep, others never do, some kids can stay up late, some would be a nightmare. Whatever works in your house for your family is right, and that goes for everyone.

You have no say in what she chooses to do.

She doesn't have to stop enjoying entertaining her child's friends because the thought of you doing so fills you with horror.

You simply have to be clear with your children that they aren't going and moaning about it won't change your mind.

And maybe accept they are going to see something that looks really fun and feel bad they always miss out. 🤷‍♀️. They are entitled to feel that way.

Its fun and they are kids. How else are they going to feel?

Either tell your children absolutely no and to stop asking. Or let them go over for 20//30 minutes. What's the issue? You can get in, sort bits out in peace, you know the kids are right next door with other children and happy.

Sounds like you're making an issue out of nothing and upsetting your children and yourself in the process.

Oh and you absolutely can not tell her to stop or "hide the children" when you get home 😂 you'll be the enemy of the street if you're not already

Mine are 6 and 8. Neighbour vary from 5 to 11.

Im not that laid back... I do keep routine, we do 2 clubs and 1 sport activity for each child and im a single parent. They know first thing that gets done is homework and then they can go out and play. They have learned no homework no play. They do however have extended bed time in the late spring / summer months. We cut down time by doing timed showers rather than long baths etc. It was their choice based on what they want to squeeze in in a day 🤣

Aw don't ve a meanie and let the kids play out for half an hour.

Sounds as though you hate anything loud, joyful or child like. In which case, why did you have children if you're going to give them a life of boredom, "No's" and disappointment?

Do you do anything with your children? Soft play? Ice cream? Are they allowed to go to birthday parties? Play outside? Parks?

In your first post you emphasised it was EVERY evening, that was the issue.

Now, you don’t know which evenings it will be?

One of these is not true.

I guarantee any of you would get annoyed if you faced that every evening

You guarantee that everyone would feel the same as you. It's the only way to feel. Everyone would feel that way. Guaranteed.

So...why ask whether you're being unreasonable? You already know that everyone feels the same as you. In fact you guarantee it.

The problem is not the other lady's generosity with her garden. It's that you apparently find it impossible to deal with your kids when they want something you say they can't have.

Oh, and I wouldn't feel the way you say I'd feel. So what kind of recompense do I get under the terms of the guarantee?

We lived on a street like that for a few years. It was great every so often we all chipped in to hire a bouncy castle, some got out a bbq and we all provided some food. Never even considered what potential buyers thought. It was fun, friendly and helped create a good community feeling.

It sounds like 6.30 bath and 7pm bed works for you as an individual but not your family despite what you say. Also the fact that you won't allow your children to have friends over or socialise much in general is sad and a bit troubling for their wellbeing.

Please get some help for your issues. You and your family will reap the benefits.

I guess it might put some people off- couple without children or someone who is retired maybe but I would pay extra to live somewhere like that!

Why did you bother having kids? Your house is obviously run for your benefit, not theirs! They'll end up with no friends, no parties, no invitations.

YABVU - the problem isn’t the nice lady, it’s your kids wanting to go over there/you feeling you can’t say no

I was honestly waiting for the punchline here, I thought you were joking......but I don't think you are. That's so sad 😕

She is doing nothing wrong.

you parent how you want. But she’s doing nothing wrong

Do your children get time to just lay and chill?