To think they are desperate for a reaction?

[Mitzuvon]

So I was friends with a group of three other women, they were all friends before me and I was good friends with just one of them and then slowly integrated into the group (6ish years ago).

Anyway the person I was good friends (Friend 1) with we’ve just slowly drifted apart. We haven’t spoken this year (I asked to meet up with one (Friend 2?) as I was in her city for work and she made an excuse).

Friend 1 has since got engaged and I only found out because I saw the large engagement party she threw. And the other two friends have gone ott posting about it on social media - countless stories and posting photos (which they don’t usually do). I just text the friend that it was amazing news and congratulations, never questioned why I wasn’t invited.

Anything I’ve posted the other two have looked at immediately (which again they wouldn’t usually do). I know the event isn’t about me, but if they were my friends they would have at least reached out just to see that I was ok, as I know it would hurt them to just not be invited to a big event.

So it is the one you have drifted away from had a party and didn’t invite you? How long since you last saw them?

I understand that you have FOMO, but if you’re no longer friends you surely wouldn’t expect to be invited?

Yabu to think it’s about you.

You’ve drifted and were never really the other ones close friend by the sound of it. If you don’t want then looking remove them.

You've drifted apart from this linked friend and you're not close to the others either. No reason for them to feel bad or consider you, although it must sting a bit.

I didn’t say I wasn’t close to the other two?

I’ve been multiple things with each being just the two of us.

I don't think they're desperate for a reaction so yabu but you're not unreasonable to feel hurt

I don’t think they want a reaction.

You weren’t in the group, you were then integrated into it for a bit, then you drifted back out again. To them, it’s a group of three that you joined for a bit.

I don’t think they see you as a core member of their group. They’ve probably had a few people join and leave their threesome over the years.

Well if they're looking for a reaction then don't give them one. You've said congratulations, you know the wedding is coming and you'll probably not get invited to any of that stuff either or you'll get an evening invite or something, so I'd probably prepare for some weirdness.

It’s 6/7 years that’s “not a bit” and no they haven’t had other people join.

Do you think they posted about the engagement party to get a reaction from you?

Well, that’s not true because you apparently joined the group six years ago and haven’t seen them this year. That’s after “slowly” drifting apart.

If you’ve managed to slowly drift apart to the point of not having met the group at all this year, having only joined the group six years ago, you weren’t in the group for six/seven years.

And I have no idea how you think you know who they’re all friends with when you aren’t around.

I’m sorry that I don’t agree with you but getting stroppy and trying to rewrite what happened won’t make me agree. In the nicest possible way, I don’t think they want a reaction from you, I don’t think they really care about you much at all

How old are you? 12?
Amazed that people genuinely think its all about them.
Its not.

I think she probably only got engaged to get a reaction ... its the only answer.

I can’t see how they are desperate for a reaction? A big life event happened for one of them, they posted about it and then the 2 other friends that attended the party also posted it about as they are all still close.
You have drifted apart from the group it happens, it’s not aimed at you. Move on.

I have zero idea what you’re talking about. I haven’t re-written shit. But in typical MN fashion someone will write their own narrative and if the OP doesn’t fit into that narrative then they jump to insulting them.

I think I know my life situation better than you. And it’s not a group that meets up constantly as we all live far apart from each other now.

Do you routinely look to see who has viewed your stories? I think YABU.

Try not to let it bother you. I’ve had this within my friendship group, not being invited to things (there’s a bit of a backstory) but then I think actually, what am I missing? Nothing. It’s just the rejection that stings. I’ve emotionally moved on and sometimes I’m the one out with people and others aren’t invited - maybe they feel as I did, but I know there’s no malice involved, we’ve just drifted apart.

You said in the OP that you joined the group around six years ago, that you’ve slowly drifted apart, that you haven’t seen them this year at all.

You then said you were a part of the group for six/seven years.

Those two things cannot both be true. I haven’t written my own narrative at all. You cannot have been in the group for longer than the whole time it took you to be in, slowly leave and no longer be in the group.

It doesn’t matter how well you know your life. Unless you know more than Stephen Hawking about time, you’ve changed your story.

Again what are you smoking?

How is me saying I joined the group six years and I’ve been part of the group for six years in any way not the same thing?

What is confusing for you exactly?

Yes and lots of people do this.

Please stop being so unreasonably rude just because you’re not getting the response you want. There’s absolutely no need and it’s no wonder that you have no friends. To be this rude when you’re also blatantly incorrect is ridiculous.

I’m not sure how much clearer I can be.

If you joined the group six years ago, that would’ve been in July 2019. To “slowly drift apart” would take, at minimum, 18 months. You haven’t seen them at all in at least 6 months. That means, that you were “drifting apart” at the LATEST in July 2023. That means you were not in the group for six or seven years. You were in the group from July 2019 to (at the latest) July 2023. That’s four years, over Covid no less.

I don’t know how to more clearly explain that you cannot be in a group, leave the group “slowly” and no longer be in the group in less time than you were in the group. It’s not possible. I’m not confused, you’re confused. You’re the one claiming not to know what’s going on.

You have two options:

1. You weren’t in the group for six years, slowly drifted apart and haven’t seen them this year.
2. You were in the group for six years, joined six years ago and left abruptly.

When I had social media I would post a lot of pictures of other people's events because it was the easiest way of sharing photos.

I really don't think they should talk to you about an event you weren't invited to after a short term friendship and no contact for a year either. What would there be to say?

It sounds like you're the one desperate for some type of reaction tbh.

It’s a strange feeling when an event occurs and it punctuates the narrative you were feeling. Even though you are aware you drifted apart it still feels so uncomfortable doesn’t it? I personally don’t think anything was meant by it. I came off social media five years ago and it’s done wonders for my mental health. I’d definitely recommend it. You start to focus on your own life and you witness your happiness grow.

Fucking hell, were you there? Do you do that to people IRL?

@Frozo Your response is a bit weird.

You say in your OP that you've drifted apart, so that will be why you weren't invited.

I wouldn't read anything more into it, just focus on other friends and let this friendship carry on drifting.