Ex and suicide threats…

[Iykwim]

I’m fed up. Broke up with my ex about 2.5 years ago. We were on and off for a few years during which they were sometimes abusive - verbally, physically etc. Family and friends tried to make me see this was not a healthy relationship but each time i breakup with them, they just force their way back somehow. Yes i know, I'm a pushover.

Ive helped them a few times when they got into trouble with the police. This relationship really stressed me, made me panic a lot, second guess myself and knocked my confidence.

Over the years since we broke up they have bombarded me with calls - ai blocked them, turned up at my property unannounced and at ungodly hours causing a scene, keep reaching out via emails. Ive ignored them all this while.

Now the issue is they threaten suicide when i dont respond. I’m happier now as im seeing someone new. I don’t want to lose this new person. Whenever i receive suicidal threats it bothers me as i would feel bad if they went go ahead with it and i could have prevented it.
Will i be unreasonable if I just ignored all these threats? I was told this could be classified as harassment. I just want them to leave me alone.

Ignoring them is exactly what you should do. Block every method of communication and if he turns up at your house, don’t engage and call the police. This sounds quite serious OP - it’s been going on for a long time. This man is harassing you.

There's a very high chance your ex isn't suicidal, it's just a tactic to get to you, try to manipulate and control you.

Block and ignore.
Or call their bluff, call the police, tell them this person has threatened to hurt themselves and have them go to their address for a welfare check, I'm sure they'd change their tune pretty quickly.
You're not the one guilty of harassment.

I would say don’t ignore actually, rather call emergency services every time for a welfare check.

Edited to say that it’s more to cover yourself as I know someone who actually took his life after “warning” his ex via text.

It's a common control tactic. I am one of many on here who has an ex who was 'suicidal'. I can report that he is happily around to this day, being an utter jerk as always. Ignore him.

Call emergency services every time they make a suicide threat.

Had a guy do this to me once. Not an ex, but trying to get with me, I wasn't interested, ended up threatening suicide every time I wouldn't reply to him etc... Threatening suicide over me not wanting to be with him, which would leave me riddled with guilt and wondering I I should consider it.

It was his ex girlfriend who told me to quit getting sucked in by it and instead call the police if he did it again. I was too much of a wimp to do it though, next time he did it I called her. She called the police. Apparently he kicked off... Police turned up, he told them he was absolutely fine.... But he never threatened suicide at me again. In fact never spoke to me again after that. Thank god.

Edit: like above poster, just want to echo that you shouldn't not do anything. I too have a friend who had an ex threatening suicide. She ended up completely ignoring him. He actually did it, in a very public, extravegent hit-newspaper-headlines way... And blamed her in his suicide note. Fucking dick.

thats not how suicidal people generally behave. I agree with PP that he's trying to manipulate you.

For yourself and for the good of your new relationship you can't let him succeed. He is harassing you though, so involving the police is an option...

He’s not suicidal, he’s a stalker. Send him one message saying ‘I do not want to hear from you. If you contact me again I shall regard it as harassment. Do not reply to this message..” Keep the text and report any future contact to the police.

Some good advice here. I would add to that, contact a domestic abuse charity for support and advice.

Do not engage with this man, simply call the police for a welfare check every time. If he acts on a threat, this is on him and the services not on you!

You need to report the harassment to the police. Block him on SM, email and phone. If he turns up at your property, call the police and tell them he's threatening to self-harm. With the harassment already logged, it will help your case. I doubt very much he's likely to do anything at all, he's using suicide to try and control your actions. The fact you split 2.5 years ago, and he's still harassing you, is serious. You need to proactive. You've blocked him, but you do need to log the harassment with the police. It's entirely possible he has form for this type of behaviour, but even if he doesn't currently, it needs to be logged to help protect other women he may end up in a relationship with. The more information the police have on file, with evidence, the better.

Op, block and move on. Your ex is being manipulative - he threatens suicide when you don't respond as clearly this has got a response in the past. Turning up at your house, causing a scene and bombarding you with e-mails is harassment- you need to block him on everything, and call the police if he turns up again. This stalking type behaviour may well escalate if you don’t take steps to stop it.

My ex did this although not to the same extent. I ignored him and needless to say 20 years on he is still alive and kicking.

Ignore him or send a message saying you're sorry he feels suicidal and hope he gets help, but you're not responsible for his actions. Then ignore him or report him if he keeps harassing you.

Thank you to everyone who’s responded. Very good advice.

I have always completely ignored. This isn’t the first time they’ve made such threat, but they’re still around now.

As a few people have said, i think it’s a control tactic. Perhaps if I weren’t in a new relationship i would have cracked and get sucked back in.

It really does change my mood and bothers me for a while. For example i was meant to call my new partner and just before that I received one of the threats. I went ahead with the with my new partner but we ended up spending a huge chunk of the time on tjis. I don’t hide anything from them so they are aware. But they might get fed up with all this and how it affects me and leave.

I have thought about calling an ambulance to inform them or the police. Or even report it ad harassment but because of my ex’s previous history with the police i also would not want them to get into any trouble with the police because of me.

Im really at a crossroad.

He may or may not do it, we can't know for certain, but if he dies it must certainly will not be your fault. That's the main thing. When my ex did this, I ignored it the the 1st time, the 2nd time I said if he did this again then I would tell his boss (he works in mental health).

Agree with all of the above; it’s a control tactic and you report it to the police each time he does it. And do it now, because this behaviour can escalate into stalking behaviour.

I’m really sorry you are going through this. It’s not your fault. This man is a predator, and you mustn’t feel sorry for him. He means you some harm - he’s inflicting emotional harm on you by doing it.

Clearly your exes earlier problems with the police have taught him nothing especially if people like you are around to help and support him through it

Just contact the police let them deal with him no further help or support off you needed

I agree with calling the emergency services every time. And going to the police about his harassment. Then live your own life.

How is your ex contacting you? Why have you not blocked him/her (I hate the term they) on all channels of communication?

I agree, that if you get another threat to contact the police for a welfare check. Once your ex realises that suicide threats don't work they should stop.

The welfare and mental health of your ex is not your reponsibility.

It is all about control, and threatening suicide is always abusive. I can’t believe you’ve put up with and carried this for 2.5 years @Iykwim when you should have been able to move on with you life. I suggest sending one message telling him not to contact you anymore and if he does you will be contacting the police as you consider it harassment, and any suicide threats will be forwarded to the authorities. The police like to see this so they can say he knows you don’t want co tact, especially after you’ve allowed it to go on for this long.

Please do consider reporting to the police, I know you feel guilt and responsibility and that’s what he relies on. To give you an idea my ex did similar for 6 months and went to prison, so you are not out of order.

Take care of yourself.

If you block you don't receive the harassment. And it is harassment.

He will eventually move on when he realises its less effort to suck someone new in to abuse than it is to reel you back. All he wants is a victim

How is he still able to message you if you've blocked him on everything?

Another vote for calling the police every time, he is doing this to control you.

My ex threatened this on many occasions, the one that sticks in my mind was about a week after we had broken up, I woke in the morning to a string of texts with him getting more drunk and more irate that I wasn't answering, one of them then said he was in my garden and would hang himself with my washing line so I could find his body in the morning. I went running outside and he had cut down my washing line and left loads of empty beer cans in my garden but funnily enough he wasn't there. It was at this point that I realised he meant none of it and he's still alive and kicking 12 years later.

Threatening suicide is a very common tactic used by perpetrators of domestic abuse to try and regain control (and contact) with a victim. If he’s made a number of these threats before and remains alive it’s a pretty good indicator that he doesn’t intend to follow through. What he is doing is harassing you and prolonging the abuse and it’s not your job to protect him from the consequences of HIS actions. I would absolutely report this to the police.

For those asking how they still contact me. They call with an unknown number, and will sometimes leave voicemails. A friend just told me that it’s possible to block emails too - Mark as spam, i think they said. Any idea on how to block their email so i dont even receive it in my spam folder would be great. Thank you.

As others have said, this is effectively (well it is) stalking and harassment. I would block electronic communication. If they turn up tell them firmly and clearly you don't want to see them and will report for harassment if it continues (this is important as harassment is defined as more than one unwanted communication, so you need to have been crystal clear that it needs to stop, makes the polices job much easier if it comes to it).

Don't worry about the "suicide" thing, it's a tactic to try and hook you, sadly most people who commit suicide tell no one.

You need to get this person out of your life for good!