Ex and suicide threats…

[Iykwim]

I’m fed up. Broke up with my ex about 2.5 years ago. We were on and off for a few years during which they were sometimes abusive - verbally, physically etc. Family and friends tried to make me see this was not a healthy relationship but each time i breakup with them, they just force their way back somehow. Yes i know, I'm a pushover.

Ive helped them a few times when they got into trouble with the police. This relationship really stressed me, made me panic a lot, second guess myself and knocked my confidence.

Over the years since we broke up they have bombarded me with calls - ai blocked them, turned up at my property unannounced and at ungodly hours causing a scene, keep reaching out via emails. Ive ignored them all this while.

Now the issue is they threaten suicide when i dont respond. I’m happier now as im seeing someone new. I don’t want to lose this new person. Whenever i receive suicidal threats it bothers me as i would feel bad if they went go ahead with it and i could have prevented it.
Will i be unreasonable if I just ignored all these threats? I was told this could be classified as harassment. I just want them to leave me alone.

Depending on your email provider you will find in settings that there is a way of blocking emails. I'm with BT so can type out instructions for that if you are too.

The using burner phones is creepy, and impossible to stop those calls of course - I would be reporting to the police.

OP you are protecting him and inadvertently prolonging his bad treatment of you. Just report him to the police for harassment and then for a welfare check next time he threatens to kill himself. You’ve got to be proactive

Don't answer calls from unknown numbers. If it's anyone you need to speak to, they'll leave a message.

Call the police.

think about it - if they are genuinely suicidal- are you a trained professional who can help them? Can you access mental health support for them? Nope, so you need to pass it to someone who can. Call the police for a welfare check. Every time, you don’t respond to them, you send the police round.

(you say “they”- posters are assuming a man as this is a common thing men do when dumped to try to control, but is your ex a woman? Either way they need professional help and they aren’t going to access that via you.)

Don't worry about you ex. issues with the police - if those were not for harassment / stalking he won't get treated and different from any other first time harassment report.

They will likely give him a firm talking to and tell him in no uncertain terms to desist - then it's up to him, if he carries on he'll end up being charged and that's entirely his own doing.

Why is everyone assuming it’s a bloke? OP hasn’t specified - deliberately using the ambiguous ‘them’.

OP, just ignore. It’s a manipulation tactic they’re using. You’re not responsible for their mental health.

@FancyBiscuitsLevel yes i have used “they” because i want impartial advice hence why I haven’t disclosed whether they are male or female. I believe the advice should be the same regardless of gender.

I honestly appreciate all of your responses. Im reading through them all and they are helpful and is making me see things differently.

Please continue to ignore him. He is emotionally manipulating you, using your kindness as a weakness against you.
He most likely won't hurt himself, if he does, then it was his doing, not yours.
You deserve so much better. Stay strong. 💐

Apologies assumed "he". Not that it changes my advice.

Is it an option for you to change your phone number and create a new email address?
And then only give those out to people who have absolutely zero mutual connection with your ex?
You could even be honest with your contacts by saying “I’ve changed my number to reduce harassment so please do not pass my phone number on”.

Your ex is a manipulative fuck, they usually move on when there’s absolutely no way of them getting in touch with you and they find somebody else to bother.

Your ex is not your responsibility, I’d eye roll at the “suicide threats” and consider contacting the Police to log the harassment for your own protection x

Ohhh my ex used to do this. In the end I just used to call the police and ask them to go and check on him. He soon got tired having the police turn up all the time.
just block the idiot, they never actually do anything and even if they do, you aren’t responsible for his choices.

Your exes previous police record is not your problem. By not reporting the behaviour, you are enabling and prolonging the harassment. If your ex does get into trouble due to their own behaviour, that's not your fault. The gender of your ex is irrelevant, men and women can both display this kind of abusive behaviour, it's just we probably see it in the media and in forums like MN as predominantly male behaviour. My advice would be the same regardless if your ex is a man or a woman. Report the harassment to the police, blocks on SM, email and phone - don't answer calls where you don't know the number, let it go to answer phone. The answer phone messages are evidence!! Unless you run a business, then most 'unknown' numbers are scam or spam calls, that you wouldn't want to answer any way.

people who want to end their life sadly don’t usually talk about it. They make a plan and they do it.
This is a manipulation to get you back in their life. You need to block contact and ideally contact the police about this harassment.
You are not responsible for your ex’s actions and choices and you do not owe your ex anything at all. By facilitating his behaviour you are not able to move on but actually neither is he. You need it to be firm and not give into his demands

My uncle’s ex wife used to do this. Welfare checks from the police put a stop to it - she didn’t like looking like an idiot in front of her local plods.

i also would not want them to get into any trouble with the police because of me.

They would be getting into bother with the police because of their own actions. Not because of you.

This is their behaviour. It's all on them. Not you.

This!

I have name changed for this.

The suicide threats I was receiving stopped when I responded strongly. So listing some of the other times they had made threats, the fact everyone could see through how manipulative it was, the fact their awful behaviour meant I viewed them with utter contempt, but most of all the fact I would never speak to them again and I didn’t care one way or the other what they did. I made it clear that their (pretend) crisis was of no interest to me and they should get a life.

So the abuse stopped, and did the do anything beyond boo-hooing to a couple of acquaintances they thought might listen. No, of course they didn’t.

Your first sentence is a myth. But even if he does choose to end his life that's on him not op. I'd call the police everytime. This is what I did and it worked.

@Iykwim blocking emails is easy. You just look at the options on the drop down menu at the top and select block sender.

If you can say which platform you use one of us could give a more detailed reply on how to do it.

I worked with Samaritans and women’s aid for several years, suicidal people do ask for help, try to get attention/support to bring them back from the edge. But I’m talking about the ones that have decided to do it, who have set a date and made a plan. They don’t talk about it with loved ones or even professionals who intervene (unlike Samaritans) the ones who don’t want to be brought back.

Every time you get a threat phone the police and say you have concerns and need a welfare check, then leave it with them

he will soon stop when the police get mad at him for wasting their time

Call the police. Hopefully doing it once will mean the end of any more such threats.

@Iykwim- I’ve quoted this as it’s so right and important for you to realise. If they get in trouble because you reported their actions, the problem there is their actions, not the person reporting the actions.

This is very very important for you to understand- controlling people try to make you feel you are responsible for the things they do.

If their actions lead to them being in trouble then their actions are the cause of their problems. Not the person who highlighted their actions to the authorities.

Folks the OP is using “they/them” pronouns for a reason. They haven’t said anything about he/him or a man.