Ex and suicide threats…

[Iykwim]

I’m fed up. Broke up with my ex about 2.5 years ago. We were on and off for a few years during which they were sometimes abusive - verbally, physically etc. Family and friends tried to make me see this was not a healthy relationship but each time i breakup with them, they just force their way back somehow. Yes i know, I'm a pushover.

Ive helped them a few times when they got into trouble with the police. This relationship really stressed me, made me panic a lot, second guess myself and knocked my confidence.

Over the years since we broke up they have bombarded me with calls - ai blocked them, turned up at my property unannounced and at ungodly hours causing a scene, keep reaching out via emails. Ive ignored them all this while.

Now the issue is they threaten suicide when i dont respond. I’m happier now as im seeing someone new. I don’t want to lose this new person. Whenever i receive suicidal threats it bothers me as i would feel bad if they went go ahead with it and i could have prevented it.
Will i be unreasonable if I just ignored all these threats? I was told this could be classified as harassment. I just want them to leave me alone.

Man or woman this person is predatory and means some harm.

Of course it is not your problem and you are not responsible for their thoughts or actions

it does sound like harressment and I would therefore keep records in case things escalate

I wouldn’t be phoning anyone. I would just totally ignore the idiot. If they do actually kill themselves, oh well, one less abusive asshole in the world. I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it. I despise people that try to control and manipulate using this tactic.

As a PP said, call the police for a welfare check each time. They will soon stop, it is pure manipulation on their part. I understand you care about them, but they have brought enough problems to your door that they will have to face the consequences if they get in “trouble” with the police. At this point you could report them for harassment so they should really already be in “trouble”.

I’ve had to be the one to check someone wasn’t actually going to commit suicide in the past. I was angry far more than I was upset or worried because I know that these threats are about control and manipulation. In general, people who are truly suicidal don’t threaten other people with it and don’t blame it on other people. It seems to always be someone someone kind and caring getting the brunt of this abuse tactic (it was another family member in my case)

Next time contact the crisis team and give them their phone number. Explain youre concerned due to suicide threats. Will teach them to stop making empty threats to you.

Don't phone an ambulance. A genuinely ill person may need it. Phone the Police and ask them to do a welfare check as he has threatened suicide. He will shit himself when they turn up. Keep doing it until he has no shit left.

Just ignore him. Do not engage whatsoever. I'd change my number and email address to be honest.

Once an abusive person is dead they can't abuse anyone else, except it's probably a manipulation tactic, so just ignore.

Call the police every time they threaten suicide and report to them. They’ll soon stop doing it!! It’s attention seeking and also they are STILL abusing you!!! Block them on everything and don’t respond to any contacts. If they turn up at your house or workplace call the police and tell them your abusive ex is there

Yeah thanks 🙄 already been covered before your "revelation".

OP with any luck one day he'll get on with it. He's a waste of space.

Your ex wouldn’t be getting into trouble with the police because of you. It would be as a result of his own behaviour. He threatened suicide because he wants you to come running. So you phone the police, tell them your ex boyfriend has messaged you threatening suicide and you would like a welfare check. They will assess him and act accordingly.

But why haven’t you blocked him? Then he couldn’t threaten anything! And if he turns up at your house phone the police and say he’s harassing you.

I have thought about calling an ambulance to inform them or the police. Or even report it ad harassment but because of my ex’s previous history with the police i also would not want them to get into any trouble with the police because of me

Well that's their problem isn't it if they gets into trouble with the police.

I would inform the police. Say they've been harrassing you and threatening suicide. They can then decide what to do about it. Once they've had the police turn up a couple of times I suspect they'll stop doing it.

Do not reply to anything they send. Do not pick up calls from unknown numbers. Consider changing your phone number although I appreciate that is a massive pain in the backside.

I suspect it's just manipulation and attention seeking but even if they do go ahead and die by suicide that would not be your fault. You ended a relationship and moved on, which every person has the right to do if they don't want to be in that relationship anymore.
If they have struggled to come to terms with it, it's up to them to access support. It is not your responsibility any more.

I can't believe you worked for samaritans and dont know that people who end their life usually do tell someone first.

I am also going through similar condition. Me and my wife separated since 4 years still she is making trouble for me. always sending fake legal cases or notices against me. feeling too much depressed and sucidial thoughts coming in my mind.

thats literally why they ring Samaritans to tell someone. They may post on a forum or message a person not directly involved in their life. They don’t tell their mum or their wife etc unless they want to be talked down . What I’m saying is a person who has a serious plan to end their own life will not tell someone who will try to stop it unless they don’t want to go through with it and want help. A person serious about ending their life also doesn’t use it as a tool to get the attention of their ex.

Another one chiming in with call emergency services if a threat gets through.

If he's being manipulative, it will likely stop.

If it's true, he would get the emergency help needed.

If he shows up at your door, call the police. He's stalking and harassing you. You enable him by not reporting this because of his previous police interactions. This is on him, not you.

As for blocking.

Mark his emails as spam.

Don't answer calls from unknown #s.

If he leaves a voicemail, delete it when you hear his voice.

Shut down your social media intermittently. You might have to name change some.

No response ever. Intermittent reinforcement reinforces his behaviours.

The on,y thing I can say, and that is relevant, is you could neither prevent or cause someone else’s suicide. That is it. Never. Nothing else matters. You can never be responsible for another person's actions in this way. This would be their decision and their actions if they did, due to their own mental health, and you cannot and are not responsible or the cause of another persons poor mental health. This is what you need to know. Do not feel guilty. Ignore, and report if the harassment continues. Block on every single avenue as and when they come up. Call the police if they turn up at your house. Do not listen to anyone he may “have on his side”, ie family that they use to try and get to you - flying monkeys, as they say. Do not allow them to ruin your relationship. Easier said than done, but give them no head space or physical space. Report every single time they turn up, or harass you in any way. They are no longer of any concern to you.

Also, you would not be responsible for them getting in trouble with the police. Again, that would be the fault of their own actions, and they have nothing to do with you. If they get in trouble with the police then that’s on them and their behaviour.

I honestly don't udnerstand this certainty that the sex of the person will change the advice. whether your ex is a man or a woman, and whether you are a man or a woman is irrelevant. what's relevant is that you are being harassed and stalked (I'm assumign there are no children involved so there's no need for contact). Never mind calling police for a welfare check, I'd be calling the police to report the harassment.

The one area where the sex of your ex MIGHT be relevant, is that if it's a man, the harassment and stalking may be considered more serious or potentially harmful and more likely ot lead to violence. But I would argue if the police take that approach, that's on them, not you. ETA: Also, I guess it IS relevant because we all know that violence from a male partner or ex partner is far more likely than violence from a femal epartner or ex partner. BUT that's still not a reasno to change how you respond or the fact that you need to report the harassment.

Report. Block. Stop answering calls/messages from unknown numbers.

You realised he’s using the threat to control you so you’re well advised to block him however you can and leave him to his own devices. You are not responsible in anyway for what he decides to do. If you were still friends then I’d arrange a welfare check with the police.

Call the police and report every time. Hopefully they'll get the mental health support they need but they're no longer your problem to solve. I'd also consider blocking and reporting for harassment

Had this. A 'suicidal' ex. I'll kill myself if you won't take me back, etc. Told him to go ahead and do it already. Spoiler alert: this was almost 20 years ago and he's still perfectly alive, well and kicking.

Ask yourself, OP. If you'd be genuinely depressed and suicidal, would you go crying to your ex boyfriend? Or to your family/friends/professionals/samaritans or even MN? And would you seek help, or threaten them with do as I say or I'll top myself?

He's trying to control you, tell him to piss off. Or just block him, if you don't want to talk to him.

This, you can change your phone number with your provider too.

Report to the police and ask for a welfare check of a former abusive partner, who keeps contacting you and threatening self harm.

The police at his door usually sorts scum like him out.
He won't do it again knowing he could have the police at his door.

The police are well used to this tactic by low life abusers.

Shut him down.

Years ago,my ex would do this (only we didn't have phones or sm at the time)

He did,however have his flying monkeys and he'd shove notes through my door telling me he was going to 'off himself' if I didn't go running back to him

I did nothing-if he killed himself,then so what?he was an abusive little cunt and I wanted away from him

Late one night he shoved a note through my door,saying he was going to kill himself at the bus stop not far from my home (it was an odd bus stop-it was built into a wall and stank of piss)

Nothing happened-hed got there and simply wrote 'delboy and A 4eva' 'A wants to be with del' and 'I love del' all over it-I wandered down a few days later having not read anything about a body being found there (it was on a main road so if he had,someone would have seen him)

It was bricked up a week later so thankfully didn't have to live with the embarrassment for too long

A chat with the police stopped him in the end and I never saw him again

I got a message about 25 years later from his brother saying he had killed himself (for real) and they thought I should know,as he was still telling everyone i was the one that got away (should have treated me better then) and did I want a photo of the tattoo he'd had done not long after we'd broken up?

(I'm guessing they thought I'd want a photo of his dead arm)

Nah,i just blocked his whole family and didn't give it another thought

I had every right to end it and not get hassled over my decision

They won't kill themselves-they are too cowardly,they just wants to keep you at their beck and call