To ask those estranged/NC with their dad: did you have him at your wedding? And if you did, did he give you away?

[MyHeartyBlueShaker]

I’ve been thinking a lot about the tradition of having your dad give you away at your wedding and I wanted to hear from others who are estranged or NC with their fathers. Did you still have him at your wedding? And if so, did he give you away? I imagine it’s a very different experience from the ‘traditional’ setup.

How can you be estranged from a parent and also have them at your wedding? That makes no sense

No, I did not. I didn't use my wedding as an opportunity to reconcile. I had good reasons for breaking contact and will never go back on those.

I informed my dad of my engagement but I wasn't sure at that point if I wanted to invite him to the wedding (probably would have been emotionally blackmailed by my mother to do so) But I knew I wanted my brother to give me away.

In the end it didn't matter because my dad died before the wedding.

Estranged can mean different things to different people. I was asking with that ambiguity in mind because some people do end up inviting an estranged parent to a big life event like a wedding, whether for family pressure, a temporary truce or out of hope for reconciliation. I just wanted to know how others navigated that emotionally and practically.

I was NC / estranged.

He was not at my wedding
I have zero regrets
He is dead now.

I walked myself down the aisle

Don’t understand why anyone would want to be given away. I’m not a gift, someone’s property. Men are never given away. Weird concept.

I have a very good relationship with my dad, but I’m walking down the aisle with my dog 😆.

You see lots of different set ups now- mums, best friends, brothers, women going by themselves. It won’t be a massive statement if you choose someone else

No. I didn't inform him of my wedding. Why should I? Hadn't seen him for years. His choice.
No regreets 30 years later.
We walked in and out the church as a couple. No fuss.

We have a relationship that MN would describe as "low contact".

He pulled out of my sister's quite traditional wedding the week before as he was "busy with work".

I hate silly drama so DH and I decided, for various reasons but this was a big one, to have a private registry office wedding with no family and tell people after.

I am glad as it meant I just didn't have to worry - will he/ won't he come, will he say something upsetting etc. He also didn't visit when any of our 3 children were born.

Absolutely not! Estranged since birth and saw a few times over the years. Didn't even consider having a stranger at my wedding and had my DM, the person who brought me up, walked with me (not a church and she certainly didn't give me to anyone!). I love all weddings but a traditional one is not for me.

Emotionally this was easy for me as he was not a presence in my life and I'm not big on the traditional style of wedding. I could see how this might be hard for you if you were estranged later in life or had a specific wedding in mind. But tbh getting married for me was about celebrating my relationship with DH with all my loved ones, and my dad isn't in that group.

I am estranged from my father, and my wedding would have to be my funeral because over my dead body would he even be in attendance

I too walked myself down the aisle. Felt empowering.

No I didn’t have my dad at my wedding as we were no contact.

I’m estranged from my father. No invite to wedding and certainly nothing as meaningful as walking me down the aisle. I don’t see that anyone who doesn’t play a part in my life should be centre stage at major life events. Those things, to me, are reserved for the people who are actively involved in my life.

I’m not estranged from my dad as such, just don’t speak to him as he’s never really cared enough about a relationship with me.

I decided it would be too awkward to have him there, as I hadn’t seen him in many years - I didn’t want it to be about that rather than celebrating with friends and family. Of course he may not even have attended!

DH and I walked down the aisle together, even if I’d had a better dad I’m not someone’s property to be given away.

Nope, but then I didn't have a traditional wedding. If I had though it would still have been a no, I'd have done exactly as I did which was walk with my 6 year old niece who was my bridesmaid.

Estranged means no contact whatsoever so your post makes no sense.

My father was invited but my mother gave me away

No and no.

Our reception venue was a surprise for our guests so my father and brother didn't know where it was. We also had security just in case someone told them on the day.

I didn't see him when he was dying or attend his funeral either. In our situation NC was NC.

Nope! My mum gave my away and my sister was my bridesmaid and it was really lovely having both of them walking down the aisle with me

I'm pretty low contact (since childhood) with my dad, and was occasionally in touch with him, but hardly ever, when I got married.

Decided to invite him anyhow, and we didn't do a traditional sit down affair afterwards so no drama over speeches or tables. He didn't bring his wife which was a shame, for him, as he didn't know anyone, but I gather he did this to be sensitive.

I walked down the aisle with my DH, which felt lovely.

No. Why would I invite a vicious misogynistic racist to my wedding?

This is GENIUS

Absolutely not! He would have basked in the glory of telling everyone he paid for the wedding and probably everything! As it was he did sad face to all his friends that I didn’t invite him. A friend of mine said, he could have always turned up and watched from a distance or sent a card but no, he enjoyed the sympathy more.

If I hadn’t been long since estranged from my abusive father there is still no way I’d have been ‘given away’ at our wedding by anyone, male or female.

I’m a sentient human being, not a possession.