To ask those estranged/NC with their dad: did you have him at your wedding? And if you did, did he give you away?

[MyHeartyBlueShaker]

I’ve been thinking a lot about the tradition of having your dad give you away at your wedding and I wanted to hear from others who are estranged or NC with their fathers. Did you still have him at your wedding? And if so, did he give you away? I imagine it’s a very different experience from the ‘traditional’ setup.

Nope, didn’t even tell him I was getting married. (Would’ve had to go to a hell of a lot of effort to find a way to contact him - lives abroad and I’d deleted his number years earlier). My mum walked me down the aisle and did a mother of the bride speech.

I'm close to my dad but no chance he was "giving me away" - he never owned me! Walked with my husband down the aisle. Dad gave a lovely reading.

No we'd been NC for years, he hadn't met my partner and didn't know I was engaged, I didn't have anyone from his side there. My uncle (mums brother) walked me down the aisle. He sent me a Facebook message congratulating me a couple of months after but I never replied. He didn't, and still doesn't, deserve to be a part of that day.

This is so helpful and hits the nail on the head. Thank goodness you posted

I think it depends on how old you were when estranged and reasons why.

I grew up without a father. He was alive when I got married. It never entered my head to invite him. He was nothing to me. His choice to leave when I was 2 and to go no contact, never paid a penny in child maint etc etc etc.

My Mum walked me down the aisle. 20+ years ago. Father is dead now. I have no regrets.

I’m on very good terms with my dad and I walked solo down the aisle because I and I alone made the decision to marry my husband. My parents love him btw!

My dad did get front row seats with my mum, of course.

Lots of ways to skin a cat

I was low contact so I did at the time.

DH is under strict instructions that they will NOT be notified in the event of my death. I also won’t got to their funerals and don’t expect to be informed.

No and no.

No I'm not. My mother was abusive but I'm angrier with him because he had the ability to remove me from it and failed to fit selfish reasons.

Instead my very good friend escorted me down the aisle, and I did my own father of the bride speech.

The idea of being “given away” is pretty misogynistic but if you want to do it for the sake of tradition I think you’d be crazy to ask your estranged father to do it. There must be a good reason why you are estranged and I imagine there are some complicated family dynamics at play so him turning up at the wedding could go horribly wrong and ruin your day. If you do want to reconcile with him it should be in a more gradual and private way, not by him suddenly turning up at a major event with the rest of your family in attendance.

Nope, my brother gave me away. My father has no idea I'm married, nor has he met his grandchildren who are teenagers.

No, and my uncle walked me down the aisle.

If you are estranged, why would you want that person at your wedding?

More crucially, it's 2025 - a woman is not a possession, and does not need to be "given away".

However, if you still want someone to escort you down the aisle, ask another relative, or a friend. Or your mother - it doesn't have to be a man!

I grew up with both parents and kept in contact with them. I was never that close with my Dad. He worked shifts and did a lot of gardening for others in his spare time. My biggest regret (other than my choice of husband) was having my Dad give me away. I didn’t feel comfortable linking arms and walking with him. It felt totally fake. My advice, either give yourself away or get a close friend or sibling to do it.

My dad didn’t speak to me for about 6 years (long story) then following a bereavement he came back in my life. I got married but I didn’t want him to walk down the aisle. I wasn’t up for being given away anyway as the concept i don’t agree with. I had my brothers walk me down the aisle.

Dad stopped stalking to me again 6 years later, that was almost 16 years ago 🙄

My daughter asked her step dad to give her away and neither her father or any of his family were invited. She has no contact with him.

Estranged means estranged - no contact at all. Your question makes no sense.

I invited my father but decided as my mother brought me up single handedly she would walk me down the aisle.

I hadnt seen my dad for 12 years when I got married. We were facebook ‘friends’ and would send a brief message every 6 months or so along the lines of ‘how are you’ ‘fine thanks’ but that was about it. I got married fairly young I was 23 and yes I did invite him and he gave me away. I haven't seen him since. It is now 13 years later, do I regret it? No, would I do it again? Probably.

My mum walked all 4 of us down the aisle. Only one of my sisters invited him, just to the ceremony. I didn’t tell him I was getting married.

Nope. Cut contact completely aged 17. 25 years later I’ve married twice and had two children and he’s not been involved in anything. I have no plans to go to his funeral when it happens and he will be banned from mine.

I hadn't seen my dad for 26 years when I married at 27 and I never lived with him. So of course, he wasn't invited. My boss gave me away, he sat at the top table with his wife and child. I was their nanny. They kindly offered to be my family for the day.

If you’re no contact why would you even consider it ? Seems rather stupid unless you’re looking for a reconciliation

Funnily enough I was contemplating this the other day but in relation to my own daughters. Have to say I’d be pretty disappointed if they decided to have their dad walk them down the aisle - he’s largely been absent throughout their childhood - I’m raising them emotionally physically and financially alone. I’d rather they asked their brother or as the strong independent women im hopefully raising them to be that they walk themselves

I’m no contact, me and my husband walked down the aisle together.. his daughter to the side of him and my son to the side of me.