To ask how much energy and thought you put into maintaining eye contact and thinking about your facial expressions in conversations?

[summerrrx]

And if you are neurodiverse or neurotypical?

I have always been good at making eye contact, but there is definitely a constant stream of 'that's enough eye contact, now look down, ok look back up, now look over there, now look back, now fiddle with your nails so you can look at them instead, now look back up'. I don't know if everyone thinks like that?

I'm also quite an overly enthusiastic listener, and if I'm being spoken to I nod and smile away and make sure I look like I'm listening. I even do it during Teams meetings; I notice I'm very aware of my facial expressions and I struggle to multitask during meetings as it feels rude. I think I do it so that the person I'm talking with feels listened to; but I've now started to wonder if it's a form of masking?

To me it is learned behaviour...

I always am conscious of whether I should be smiling, how my face should look, what my expression should be. None of it is 'natural' basically.

I always worry I come across as odd so it is all a mask.

I suspect I am neurodivergent. Frankly I don't enjoy talking to people much anyway and it is exhausting to always try to 'fit in'.

I am less bothered with pretending now that I am older and just prefer my own company.

Yes, not diagnosed but definitely ND. I have this internal, running conversation all the time. I’ve done it so long, that I ignore it most of the time but occasionally, my brain will “wake me up” especially if I catch sight of my resting bitch face and realise my brain has been telling me to smile, just bl**dy smile, for quite a while! This happens when I’m trying to multi-task and the mask slips!

A lot. But it’s part of my job as I deal in soft skills and getting a relationship with people quickly.

I know, and have been told, that my emotions show on my face, so I actively try to be neutral in situations where me thinking "god this guy is a plonker, what a load of shite he's talking" would not be acceptable (lol).

As far as eye contact goes, I don't think about it a lot. No conversation takes place with two people looking into each other's eyes constantly, that is too intense. It happens when we're really engaged but it is intermittent. The only time I notice it is if someone gives no eye contact at all, because that can seem rude, but we all drift off into concentration and thought and our eyes just do whatever they want at that point. It's not something to overthink.

I became aware about 20 years ago that I naturally tend to avoid eye contact and that when I do make a conscious effort to look at the person I'm talking to, even briefly, it greatly changes the whole mood of the conversation.

So, when speaking to strangers, yes I make an effort to appear "normal" and to chat, although I'm not at all at ease in such situations, and that gives me better outcomes than I used to have before I realised that I never looked at people when I spoke to them.

As far as I am aware, I'm not neurodiverse, though as I've never been analysed or tested, I cannot verify that.

I wonder what the overlap between hypervigilance and ND looks like.
My face is guileless, I probably look into people's eyes more intensely than they're comfortable with, I lipread, the fact that I'm aware of this suggests self consciousness.
I give less fucks now I'm older and have good friends who accept me for who I am so am not guarded around them. I wish I could have given less fucks when I was young, life would have been easier.
I was also constantly pulled up on my less than acceptably feminine behaviour and was expected to be a people pleaser so could be nature or nurture.

NT, never think about it.

I find myself doing this with most people, except the ones I am closest to. NT as far as I know.

A lot- diagnosed autistic and adhd.