Would you expect a contribution in this situation?

[Greys3456]

If you had a girlfriend/boyfriend who was at your house quite a lot - they have their own place too but you don’t really stay there much due to the distance/having children and there not being enough space/having pets but them not having a garden for toileting.

They buy their own food when at your house but are obviously still using your water/gas/electric.

Would you expect a contribution towards anything and if so, how would you broach the subject?

What is “quite a lot”

and how long been together?

Just under 2 years and probably around 3-4 days a week at the moment - whether that’s here for the day or staying over

I'd expect them to stump up for treats (ie the occasional take away / bottle of wine / nice food etc) if I'm providing the rest. But nope I'd not expect a formal contribution.

No - they're paying for food and it doesn't suit you to travel to them. More inconvenient for them really, assuming you like spending time together.

I'd expect them to chip in around the house but not for bills. Presumably they're paying full standing charges on all utilities at home already.

And how long has he been staying 3-4 days a week?

and have you declared to DWP if you received benefits?

I'd expect a contribution to food and maybe for them to buy a takeaway once a week, but not for anything else. I doubt your costs have gone up that much.

oh yes and how far does he live from your? Presumably you don’t pay for his fuel?

I'd agree that you have to factor in travel costs if you're going to look at electricity and water usage.

I wouldn’t, unless they were bitcoin mining and taking 17 hour showers.

It's probably costing him more than you - fuel for that long journey, doubling up on things he forgets, possibly paying toward food or treats for your kids.

What is he costing you? A shower a day and the kettle boiled a few times? Meal in the pot with everyone else, or separate? It's unlikely it's a pound a day. I really wouldn't go there.

Nope, wouldn’t even cross my mind to be honest.

Why has my post been hidden? What’s wrong with making a joke about 17 hour showers?

It's back! 😁

if they are not eating your food are they actually costing you anything noticeable?
Apart from a shower they are only watching the tv you’re watching with the light that you would have on and sleeping in the bedding you would have washed anyway. I don’t know what you could charge for as they already have a house so they are not being homed. Presumably they buy their own clothes and are not dependent on you in any way.

Regarding of what mn-netters feel, I’m guessing that you feel resentful of your partner living at your house half the week, and you’re paying everything.

You say they bring their own food - do they bring stuff for you as well, or do they cook their food in a house- share situation? Ie, they cook for themselves, and you cook your own food? Do you feel they are using your house as a hotel?

Is this a reverse?

No i wouldnt be expecting a contribution in that kind of scenario.
I assume they have to cover the cost of travel if they're staying over that regularly? If they're covering food then the extra expense to you is going to end up being fairly small, possibly less than their petrol!

Unlikely

just another single parent introducing a boyfriend into her kids homes far too early on

and then realising that another adult, especially undoubtedly a low earning one, is quite expensive.

Brings his own food? What a prince

No.

Also wondering if this is a reverse.

I wouldn’t charge them unless they were using a significant amount of the utilities. Realistically how much water/ gas/ electric are they actually using?Presumably they're with you most of the time they’re at yours and so the lights/ TV etc are already on, you’d already be using gas to cook a main meal or heat the house anyway whether they’re there or not.

I guess they’re having a few showers over the week, charging their phone overnight, I can’t see it adding much to the general bills. I guess if you have a water meter and they insist on having a bath every time they’re over, if they want the heating on really high or if they’re washing clothes at yours and then want to also use the tumble dryer and your bills genuinely are going up due to them being there then maybe I’d consider charging them, in that case charge them the amount your bills have gone up since they started staying. However I wouldn’t charge them just for the sake of it if they’re not really using much beyond what you’d need to use anyway, they’re paying their own household bills and I expect the impact they’re having on your bills is probably balanced out by the fact you’re never having to pay to travel to theirs or to find childcare/ pet sitter etc and stay at each others homes an equal amount.

Why would this ever be a thing?

Absolute nonsense idea, if I had a gf/bf who suggested I pay towards their gas/water/electric I’d laugh and then tell them we’re done.

This and your benefit question - do you have a habit of making assumptions about people’s lives that you don’t know anything about? Thanks for giving me a laugh today 😂

but I’m right aren’t I

I’m in a similar situation and my DP pays for lots of treats, food top ups etc but no formal contribution. I wouldn’t want him to a this stage- that would feel like he had a right to a say in how my home is run and he doesn’t.

I don't think one more person, in a multi-person household, will be adding much to utilities costs. Also, they are probably not saving at their own property, by the time you take travel into account. R