Would you expect a contribution in this situation?

[Greys3456]

If you had a girlfriend/boyfriend who was at your house quite a lot - they have their own place too but you don’t really stay there much due to the distance/having children and there not being enough space/having pets but them not having a garden for toileting.

They buy their own food when at your house but are obviously still using your water/gas/electric.

Would you expect a contribution towards anything and if so, how would you broach the subject?

Not sure I would ask for a contribution to bills but would expect them to buy some food and treats every so often.

i don’t think he should pay anything however I say this as long as he’s bringing food for both of you and not just himself!!
who pays for meals out? Treats?
Do you need the extra money?

I wouldn’t but fair enough if you wanted to. Surely it works out at an extra £10 per month, maybe £15.

No. I wouldn't even have them buy their own food. We would unofficially take turns. You have the convenience of mostly being at your place so it's very tight to expect them to pay you. And for what? A tiny percentage of extra leccy or heat on top of what you would use anyway.

Having a guest a few nights a week doesn't make a big difference to energy and water costs unless they insist of having the heating up high or bathing four times a day. It would be nice if they bought you wine or flowers or took you out sometimes as a thank you, but I wouldn't ask them to.

Bluntly, no. I wouldn’t.
In fact it would be very weird to me if they even offered.

This. Also they might be contributing in non-financial ways (chores for a household with DC vs for a single household, one more adult to supervise DC, etc)

It makes me laugh how people just make up any old shit on here, seemingly just to put the boot in 😂
Where has the OP said they were a single parent, and the other poster saying about benefits?!
They haven't even said who's who in this scenario - yet with it being MN it's automatically assumed that it must be a woman posting and talking about her boyfriend!
Could be the other way round, or could both be women....

Come again? Where has the OP said she is a single parent?

You have read the thread?

yet with it being MN it's automatically assumed that it must be a woman posting and talking about her boyfriend!

because in term of probability…. It is a very reasonable assumption to make

Personally I think it’s weird that he brings food just for himself and not for you.

If he stays with you a lot he should definitely be contributing with some food or treats.

The OP says in her first sentence that she is talking about a boyfriend/girlfriend situation in which one of them stays over a lot because the other one has children.
OP, one adult doesn’t increase water/electricity/gas bills unless it is winter and they are single-handedly causing the heating to be on when it otherwise wouldn’t. If I was visiting someone regularly because their childcare arrangements meant it was necessary and then they tried to charge me for electricity I would think they were mean and/or a bit uninformed. I would probably also think that they had money anxieties.
Also if someone was staying with me that often and just covering the cost of their own food, I would probably think something similar.

I wouldn’t, no. Unless the visiting partner was in the property throughout the day when it was otherwise empty and they were using utilities that normally weren’t used at that time…but even then I’m not sure I actually would ask for a contribution. I’m not sure it would make a significant difference to bills?
Also I think the fact they’re bringing their own food, shows they are self aware and not wanting to be taking you (or whomever this is about) for a ride.

No, I think it would be very rude. Is this a reverse?

What a ridiculous bunch of assumptions.

No. It’s your “stuff” that means you can’t stay there and therefore it’s only unequal because of you.

I find it quite early that your boyfriend stays that much when you have kids, I would maintain boundaries a lot more.

Be careful he is not a cocklodger too!

No, I definitely wouldn’t expect a contribution to bills if they still have their other place that they are paying for. But I would expect them to be generous with bringing food and paying for treats within their means. If they’re stingy all round I’d bin, can’t be bothered with stingy people.

No, they haven’t moved in and still have to pay their own rent or mortgage each month so they aren’t saving money by staying over and it’s more convenient for you - otherwise you can alternate half time at each others houses? Charging them for this would be really weird

This.

it suits you not to stay at his, but have you ever actually considered how he feels about it? It's not his fault you have kids & animals.

how is the whole 'he buys his own goid' thing working out. That's seems weird to me.

after 2 years if woukd be 'shit or get off the pot' time for me not continuing to live like a guest/nomad

My DP is at mine between 2 to 4 nights a week, his contribution is a takeaway or meal a week and occasionally buys things like bulk deals of stuff from Costco

Most of an electricity and gas bill nowadays is standing charge, then the things you would be doing anyway like running a fridge or heating or oven. Having an extra person doesn’t make a significant difference and they are still needing to pay the standing charge and running of “always on” appliances in their own home.

The amount the spend in travel to the other place is probably offset by what they use when they are there.

I don’t think it is fair when the are paying the running costs on one property to then have to chip in on another.

Crikey…. Bit rude. Who made you the benefits police?

Absolutely not.

if anything, the person doing all the driving to accommodate the other persons pets and children is the person doing the favour.

it would be outrageous to ask for a contribution by the person who is the very reason the guest has to do all the driving and pay for a house not lived in!

It sounds like they travel for the convenience of the person with children and pets so I don't think it's reasonable to ask for more than a contribution towards food. Without the children and pets time could be spent more equally between the two homes to even out costs.

If one starts contributing for bills the other should contribute to fuel and then it becomes transactional. Wouldn't be for me.
I was in a similar situation with my now husband. No kids involved. He travelled to my house and stayed a few nights. Sometimes he'd cook and bring it because he's a great cook. Sometimes we'd shop together and split it. Sometimes we'd get take aways. Never occurred to me to charge him for the showers. Never occurred to me to offer the fuel money. Worked for us.