Would you expect a contribution in this situation?

[Greys3456]

If you had a girlfriend/boyfriend who was at your house quite a lot - they have their own place too but you don’t really stay there much due to the distance/having children and there not being enough space/having pets but them not having a garden for toileting.

They buy their own food when at your house but are obviously still using your water/gas/electric.

Would you expect a contribution towards anything and if so, how would you broach the subject?

I stay with DP 9 days a fortnight, sometimes more - I have my own house. I pay him money every month as obviously his bills have increased since I started staying - he will only accept £75 as he says that’s the extra he’s paying - I have offered to increase it but he won’t agree

I wouldn't expect a formal contribution if I owned my own house because it might give them rights over my property. If they moved in, I might charge them rent towards utilities but nothing towards a mortgage payment.

Holy cow. Talk about transactional. This is wild to me.

Utterly ridiculous

If he's staying 3-4 days/nights a week, every week (and presumably having at least dinner with you on those occasions), I'd probably expect him to be getting a takeaway at the weekend, coming round with stuff for dinner once or twice a week, getting snacks/drinks etc...or at the very least offering to chip in.

I'd probably want the offer to come from him though, rather than me asking for it.

As for bills though, absolutely not, unless it was a situation where you were literally on the breadline and the increase in your bills was having an impact on your finances.

As to why the boyfriend/girlfriend buys their own food - one is a meat eater, one is not - don’t eat the same meals and there is a considerable difference in cost between each other’s food shop bill.

Thank you for the general consensus and answers!

Op. Tbh if you are the one in this situation wondering if the other should give you a contribution- then I would keep very very quiet if I were you. The question you have posed would be deal breaker territory for me if I was the guest/bf/gf who got wind of your thoughts.

No I wouldn’t, they already buy their own food and are paying their own bills for their home. Plus sounds like it’s you who prefers it being at your home due to kids/distance/pets, so no.

Even IF a person (let’s say a woman for the sake of argument) who has a regular gentleman caller is receiving benefits, what the DWP/Council are interested in is, ‘do they have shared finances?’

The first questions to the woman are usually along the lines of, does Mr Gentleman Caller pay council tax in his own name at another address as a mortgagor or tenant? Does he have proof? Does he pay money regularly into your bank account? Can you prove this?

It’s usually case closed at that point if the answers are yes, yes, no, yes, with proof provided.

If they're travelling to you and bringing food i wouldn't expect a contribution, presumably it costs them to travel?

1. OP hasn’t said anywhere that she’s on benefits of any kind, so that’s a pretty telling assumption on your part.
2. Not all benefits require you to inform DWP of any other persons you’re involved with - only those income related. And then only if the person can be considered resident or partially resident, and contributing to the household. Which OP has said he is not.
3. Where did you get the impression that benefit claimants aren’t allowed to have a life ?

No. Food and drink yes, but not a share of bills. They already have their own bills to pay. Plus how would you even work it out?!

Either move in together or tell them you don't want them spending so much time at yours.

It’s not actually on the benefit claimant to prove that they are not doing something wrong. It’s on DWP to prove that they are.

It wouldn't even cross my mind to be honest.

Unless there's a drip feed that he has two hour long showers daily or has the heating (or aircon in this weather!) on all the time when you don't etc, nothing.

He buys his own food (does he also cook for you with the food he buys or do you eat separately?) and surely your utilities wouldn't go up much at all with him being there? I'm assuming you do cook together (I'd find it weird if not tbh unless one of you is vegan and the other a massive carnivore or similar) and presumably are usually in the same room, and watching TV together etc so the effect on gas and electric would be miniscule I'd have thought. Don't know about water cos I've never been on a meter.

I think as it usually is you hosting he could (as suggested by PP) provide some treats or something but I definitely wouldn't ask for cash.

Actually no. You’ve assumed OP is on income related benefits just because she’s a single parent. You’ve then assumed that DWP don’t allow claimants to have a personal life. And if she were claiming income related benefits, as long as BF isn’t resident with OP and isn’t contributing to the household expenses, she’s doing nothing wrong.

No

How strange. Do you deduct your travelling costs from that?

No, not for gas/electric/water.

I really couldn't see it costing me any more to be honest.

No I wouldn't ask for contribution but when they bring their own food do they cook for you too? Do they buy takeaways / treats etc ?

I couldn't be as petty as to charge for water and electric if my partner was staying over.

If you move in together officially, obviously you will then share the bills.

He is buying food while he is there. You would still have the TV/lights/heating when appropriate on whether he was there or not, so what's the actual difference his being there is making?

If you're getting wound up about this, perhaps there's no long term future, as it sounds like your feelings aren't as strong for him as they should be.

We work in the same city, in fact I save petrol by staying at his as I live in a small village about 20 miles from where I work. He lives less than 2 miles from where I work. So I was spending around £160 in petrol a month - I now spend about £25. He buys all the food and cooks too

The other person is choosing to have them in their home.

So no, I would say buying their own food is enough.

I would however, suggest staying a couple of nights at each others place if this is not already done.

Fair enough!

Ooh - there's always one