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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Really irritated with this girls mother.

370 replies

Balloonhearts · 21/06/2025 14:36

More of a vent than anything.

I work at a riding school who do weekend pony clubs in the summer, and a longer one over the holidays.

We match the riders to their ponies based on height, weight and experience/temperament.

One of my group is very overweight. Three stone heavier than her mother said she is on her form. She cannot ride the pony assigned to her or any of the ponies. She needs a horse. Which would have been fine if we knew when she booked.

Now I'm desperately trying to find a suitable mount before the 3 o clock hack so I don't have to tell this sweet girl that she is unable to go on the hack due to her weight.

WHY do people do this? Just be honest ffs! If we had the right numbers, she would have been given one of the horses but now there is no one suitable left.

OP posts:
AmelieSummer25 · 21/06/2025 19:13

You are a wonderful person 🤗

I hope you can sort tomorrow in a much less stressful way

I hope Major Tom is ok after the unexpected ride in this heat & if he enjoyed himself gets out on the occasional hack going forward.

how heavy is this chikd?

you definitely have to have words with the mother st the end tomorrow & explain the very difficult position she put you in.

Original poster
Balloonhearts · 21/06/2025 19:23

Sorry, to answer questions, yes we could have easily sorted her a horse if we had the right info to start with. She could have had Jem but he had already done 2 lessons that morning and was wiped. If we'd known, Benji could've done the lessons and Jem done pony day.

Child is just over 13 stone. Benji's limit is 10, he's only 14.2 and not cobby.

OP posts:
WinSomeandLoseSome · 21/06/2025 19:27

Blimey this is better than Jill’s Riding Club.

whispycloud · 21/06/2025 19:29

Haha I really enjoyed that thank you. Must husband just walked in and asked me what I’m laughing at 😂

Original poster
Balloonhearts · 21/06/2025 20:14

MT seems no worse for wear, enjoyed a good groom when he got back. He's very sweet natured so has been plied with carrots, apples and a sneaky scoop of molasses feed that he usually isn't allowed. That's probably why he came in with me so readily, he knows I'll spoil him rotten!

I've spoken to the owner and she is going to pull the mum aside at pickup tomorrow while the other lady and I are finishing up with the girls.

We're having a reshuffle but it's not ideal tbh as it's supposed to be a taste of owning a pony where they have the same partner the whole weekend. She can't ride James again though, we're doing games and polework, she'll never be able to post his trot. She's practically doing the splits just sitting on him. Besides which, he's too pushy, he'll just take off with her as soon as he realises he'll get away with it.

OP posts:
Blueberry911 · 21/06/2025 20:32

Surely having the conversation prevents this from happening again in future. Instead, she's managed to slip her child in, has been accommodated and is non the wiser of all the issues caused and implications for the ponies? Surely you have policies for a reason?

arcticpandas · 21/06/2025 20:46

Just reading this makes me want to come out and ride with you @Balloonhearts . (Not that I'm very good at it, it was 30 y ago😅). But you sound so lovely and I love the way you described your outing with the horses that made me long to be there.
It's weird to lie about your child's weight- maybe she thought you wouldn't take her/ it would be more expensive if she weighed too much🤷‍♀️

Original poster
Balloonhearts · 21/06/2025 21:21

arcticpandas · 21/06/2025 20:46

Just reading this makes me want to come out and ride with you @Balloonhearts . (Not that I'm very good at it, it was 30 y ago😅). But you sound so lovely and I love the way you described your outing with the horses that made me long to be there.
It's weird to lie about your child's weight- maybe she thought you wouldn't take her/ it would be more expensive if she weighed too much🤷‍♀️

That's what I thought but weight limit is very clear on the website. 15 stone for beginners, 17 for more balanced stable riders. She's well under it.

Thank you so much but I'm really not, it's just this kid is so nice, it would have been awful to leave her out. First thing she did when we said she couldn't ride Benji because he was lame, was fill a barrow with straw to make his bed thicker so his foot wouldn't hurt. She's never met him before today.

We'll be having words with mum at pickup tomorrow but just don't want to say anything before then in case she kicks off and pulls her daughter out, she's really enjoying herself and it would be a shame to ruin her memories of her first pony weekend. The issue is the mum, not her.

OP posts:
Notonthestairs · 21/06/2025 21:24

Balloonhearts · 21/06/2025 18:33

Fuck my life. We swung it. It was an absolute shambles but we swung it. Really couldn't bring myself to leave her behind so we had to get creative.

Went back to talk to her and she was busy making Benji an extra deep bed. To cushion the hoof abcess that he doesn't have. Thought: Nope, can't do it.

So. I was supposed to be ponying the youngest, dc6 who had never ridden out of the school before on the quietest pony. I also had a 12 year old who is quite experienced and a 9 year old novice.

So I had dc12 on her own pony, stuck the 9 year old on the quietest one and sandwiched her in the middle, littlest one on a slightly sassier but tiny pony and had dc12 pony her along.

I went up to the far pasture (this bitch mother owes me big) and fetched my old partner in crime who taught me to ride. He retired 4 years ago and is no longer ridden but technically can be, there's nothing wrong with him, he's just getting old and creaky and deserves to retire.

Unfortunately he is now too fat for his tack. After discovering this, I briefly considered drowning myself in the rain butt but couldn't leave the minors unattended.

So I stuck her on my intended mount, James, the big fucker. We were quite a picture. My tubby arse riding bareback on a geriatric horse, ponying along a mountain of ginger outrage with slightly wobbly child on top, periodically swatting at him with a crop to stop him biting me. (He hates being ponyed, bites everyone in reach.)

Luckily Major Tom (old horse) wasn't too lively, he hadn't been ridden or even left the pasture for the best part of 3 years so I was slightly concerned about imminent death by horse eating carrier bags but he was actually fine. Slightly baffled at this turn of events but willing, keen and well behaved as ever. We were very late back but 🤷‍♀️.

Girl was chuffed to get to ride such a huge horse. No idea what I'm going to do tomorrow but don't want to say anything to the mum until after, in case she kicks off.

Brilliant update - hope I don’t sound like a patronising dickhead but you are an absolute legend and a huge credit to your riding school.

myplace · 21/06/2025 21:36

Masterful effort. Well done. Not all heroes wear capes.

HaveCreditWillShop · 21/06/2025 21:37

Just to say I am a horse girl. Firstly you were an absolute legend making this work and very inventive, glad you didn’t make the pony carry her as a lot would have done.
but 13 stone at that age - it’s sad really but blimey surely the mother realises she needs to be on a horse that can carry weight? It’s a shame because she probably wants to join in all the gymkhana games and fun, and the horses that are big enough to do that aren’t going to work for pony club games.
This isn’t about being unkind to an overweight teenager. But the practicality is that you just can’t stick her on a pony whose legs are going to buckle! You also wouldn’t put a dress size 16 adult (which would be about 13 stone) on a pony. Ahh what an awkward one - but well handled.

Oddsocksanduglyshoes · 21/06/2025 21:44

Balloonhearts · 21/06/2025 18:33

Fuck my life. We swung it. It was an absolute shambles but we swung it. Really couldn't bring myself to leave her behind so we had to get creative.

Went back to talk to her and she was busy making Benji an extra deep bed. To cushion the hoof abcess that he doesn't have. Thought: Nope, can't do it.

So. I was supposed to be ponying the youngest, dc6 who had never ridden out of the school before on the quietest pony. I also had a 12 year old who is quite experienced and a 9 year old novice.

So I had dc12 on her own pony, stuck the 9 year old on the quietest one and sandwiched her in the middle, littlest one on a slightly sassier but tiny pony and had dc12 pony her along.

I went up to the far pasture (this bitch mother owes me big) and fetched my old partner in crime who taught me to ride. He retired 4 years ago and is no longer ridden but technically can be, there's nothing wrong with him, he's just getting old and creaky and deserves to retire.

Unfortunately he is now too fat for his tack. After discovering this, I briefly considered drowning myself in the rain butt but couldn't leave the minors unattended.

So I stuck her on my intended mount, James, the big fucker. We were quite a picture. My tubby arse riding bareback on a geriatric horse, ponying along a mountain of ginger outrage with slightly wobbly child on top, periodically swatting at him with a crop to stop him biting me. (He hates being ponyed, bites everyone in reach.)

Luckily Major Tom (old horse) wasn't too lively, he hadn't been ridden or even left the pasture for the best part of 3 years so I was slightly concerned about imminent death by horse eating carrier bags but he was actually fine. Slightly baffled at this turn of events but willing, keen and well behaved as ever. We were very late back but 🤷‍♀️.

Girl was chuffed to get to ride such a huge horse. No idea what I'm going to do tomorrow but don't want to say anything to the mum until after, in case she kicks off.

The world would genuinely be a better place if there were more people like you in it.

Original poster
Balloonhearts · 21/06/2025 22:03

HaveCreditWillShop · 21/06/2025 21:37

Just to say I am a horse girl. Firstly you were an absolute legend making this work and very inventive, glad you didn’t make the pony carry her as a lot would have done.
but 13 stone at that age - it’s sad really but blimey surely the mother realises she needs to be on a horse that can carry weight? It’s a shame because she probably wants to join in all the gymkhana games and fun, and the horses that are big enough to do that aren’t going to work for pony club games.
This isn’t about being unkind to an overweight teenager. But the practicality is that you just can’t stick her on a pony whose legs are going to buckle! You also wouldn’t put a dress size 16 adult (which would be about 13 stone) on a pony. Ahh what an awkward one - but well handled.

Thank you. Some games will still be fine I think, we can just adapt. Egg and spoon, flag relay, obstacle course, tandem poles will be fine. These are mostly walk trot students so won't have anything overly strenuous. Just rising trot, which she can do.

Shame I can't get a girth round MT or she could ride him, he loves games, even now. Was a hell of a hunter jumper in his youth, that's how he got his name. 😆

After that, we're giving baths and I've got some sparkly hoof oil for them so nothing that would exclude her. I'm a big woman myself but yes, at her age... It can't be easy for her, kids that age can be vicious.

She's really impressed me though, her first thought was for the horse. It wasn't 'who will I ride?' It was 'I'll get him more straw, will he be all right, can horses have paracetamol?'

Which is how he ended up with fake bute in his dinner 😂 I had to pretend to give him painkillers. Luckily they don't know the difference between bute and supplements. Well, the 12 year old does but didn't say anything.

OP posts:
Sayithowiseeit · 21/06/2025 22:17

Having read your thread im now looking into horse riding for my son, you sound lovely.

noctilucentcloud · 21/06/2025 22:18

Well done for sorting something and looking out for her feelings. I think some people will not think through the consequences, so to stop this hapenning again could you be (even more) clear on your information and say something like: We can accomodate up to x stone but we must be given an accurate weight on the form in advance so we can assign appropriate ponies/horses to each rider. If an inaccurate weight is provided (we do have to check on the day to ensure the health and well-being of our animals and customers) we regretfully may not be able to provide a pony/horse and you may not be able to ride.

Original poster
Balloonhearts · 21/06/2025 22:25

noctilucentcloud · 21/06/2025 22:18

Well done for sorting something and looking out for her feelings. I think some people will not think through the consequences, so to stop this hapenning again could you be (even more) clear on your information and say something like: We can accomodate up to x stone but we must be given an accurate weight on the form in advance so we can assign appropriate ponies/horses to each rider. If an inaccurate weight is provided (we do have to check on the day to ensure the health and well-being of our animals and customers) we regretfully may not be able to provide a pony/horse and you may not be able to ride.

It pretty much does say that already.

OP posts:
cannynotsay · 21/06/2025 22:40

As a far kid who didn’t know they were fat and my mum hid it from me and made excuse for her poor parenting. thank you for supporting that girl. You will of made her day. Please tell the mum about herself xxx

Binmaggeddon · 21/06/2025 22:49

You sound so lovely OP and MT is gorgeous! Makes me want to ride again. I used to be a horsey girl and tried my kids with it. I took them for a hack at a new place and was pre-filling the forms to email back. Had no scales at the time so rang up to discuss weight as I had no clue what dc were. I was told ‘just put a guess’. I did and was about 2.5 stone out for my son and mortified on the day when they showed me his actual weight! Luckily I’d already said on the phone my son was very tall for his age so they planned that he had a sturdy horse anyway. Just wondering, giving the benefit of the doubt, maybe the mum doesn’t want to make her daughter more self conscious so has no scales and/or hasn’t been weighing her/is in denial and not noticed, and just made a stupid guesstimate like I did? Hopefully not deliberately trying to lie to you. Either way, you definitely made the girl’s day, how kind of you to do all that jiggling to sort it.

EsmeSusanOgg · 21/06/2025 22:51

MorrisZapp · 21/06/2025 14:40

How do you know her weight?

A lot of stables check your weight before giving you a mount. If you weigh too much for some horses it is not safe for you to ride/ safe for the horse. I don't bother fibbing on my weight, bf ause unless I am a regular chances are I'll have to stand on a scales.

EsmeSusanOgg · 21/06/2025 22:58

@Balloonhearts you are so lovely!

noctilucentcloud · 21/06/2025 22:58

Balloonhearts · 21/06/2025 22:25

It pretty much does say that already.

Show quote history

What a numphty that girls mum is then.

Clarinet1 · 21/06/2025 23:07

You sound great and Major Tom looks lovely -
Here’s a little song about him being pressed into service:

Ride control to Major Tom
Bit in mouth and saddle on
Lengthen stirrups and May Godspeed be with you!
This is Major Tom to Ground Control
This a big surprise!
And I know I haven’t been out for while
But I sure that I could hack for miles and miles…..

(Apologies to David Bowie)

YorkshireWelsh · 21/06/2025 23:23

Have just snort laughed whilst trying keep my giggles under control at that description OP (DH asleep next to me, even in this heat, lucky sod)…been there, the hike to the top field and the herding of a comedy combination of ponies / kids; why oh why is there always a bitey one in the mix?! You have reminded me how much I miss riding though!
As others have said, well done you for shielding the girl and making sure everyone had a great time - including (albeit somewhat unexpectedly) Major Tom - he’s a beaut.

Caerulea · 21/06/2025 23:34

I'm not a horsey woman, I'm thoroughbred council estate stock. I did not understand half of the things you were saying but my god you sound wonderful! So patient, kind & thoughtful for that girl AND for the horses.

Just a wholesome read & I'm glad you got her on a horse.

Original poster
Balloonhearts · 21/06/2025 23:40

YorkshireWelsh · 21/06/2025 23:23

Have just snort laughed whilst trying keep my giggles under control at that description OP (DH asleep next to me, even in this heat, lucky sod)…been there, the hike to the top field and the herding of a comedy combination of ponies / kids; why oh why is there always a bitey one in the mix?! You have reminded me how much I miss riding though!
As others have said, well done you for shielding the girl and making sure everyone had a great time - including (albeit somewhat unexpectedly) Major Tom - he’s a beaut.

It was funny. James likes to lead and was very indignant at being led along like a Shetland pony and made sure to bite me at least every third tree. That and having to carry a CHILD. I mean, what if someone saw him! He was absolutely fuming. We've destroyed his street cred.

MT is one in a million. I'm just glad he came to me, no way was I going to chase him over hill and bloody dale. 4 years off and he behaved beautifully. Put a bridle on and he was just like 'Schoolmaster mode engaged' and lined himself up at the block.

OP posts: