Really irritated with this girls mother.

[Balloonhearts]

More of a vent than anything.

I work at a riding school who do weekend pony clubs in the summer, and a longer one over the holidays.

We match the riders to their ponies based on height, weight and experience/temperament.

One of my group is very overweight. Three stone heavier than her mother said she is on her form. She cannot ride the pony assigned to her or any of the ponies. She needs a horse. Which would have been fine if we knew when she booked.

Now I'm desperately trying to find a suitable mount before the 3 o clock hack so I don't have to tell this sweet girl that she is unable to go on the hack due to her weight.

WHY do people do this? Just be honest ffs! If we had the right numbers, she would have been given one of the horses but now there is no one suitable left.

How do you know she is 3 stone heavier - I can’t judge anyone’s mass by my eye!

I think you need to phone the mum so this conversation doesn’t happen in front of the girl! Not your fault it’s happened but it now needs dealing with as compassionately as possible, which obviously the mum has made much harder than it needed to be.

Studies have shown that parents are incapable of being objective when it comes to their children's weight. It is very common for parents to underestimate the weight of their overweight child. She may be in denial.

Very unfair for you to be put in this situation though, OP.

How do you know her weight?

Well I hope if you can't find a suitable horse then you don't tell the child the real reason.

And yes how do you know the child's weight?

You must win all those summer fayre guess how many sweets in a jar raffles.

That's very frustrating, and unfair that it's fallen to you to handle. Is there a way to mark in your system that this child needs a horse, in case she does it again? I agree with PP that lots of parents underestimate their child's weight, especially if they are heavy. Could you make it more explicit in the booking form that parents much actually weigh their child and failure to provide reasonably accurate info may result in no horse being available?

When my daughter signed up for beginner hacks we filled the form in online and I put her weight/height.

When she went her her intro session, before starting to ride and without me, they privately weighed her when issuing her boots and helmet.
This was the day before her first outing on a horse.

Im assuming its the same set up here?

Maybe she assumed that s riding school would have a pony/horse that's suitable regardless.
Perhaps she doesn't actually know how heavy her kid is?

Yes it's unfair on you and the kid but maybe the form needs you to do the weight and height before they sign up.

She's either malicious, in denial or blissfully unaware.

Def put a big banner on website when they sign up that accurate weight and height is important due to health and safety of everyone

I can well believe you can spot the difference between a 5stone child and 8 stone child...

This is really unfortunate OP yanbu

How do you no when she’s not arrived yet? The mum may have guessed the weight, I have no idea how many stones my kids are, maybe add an option to phone and speak to someone if people aren’t sure of the weight thing

Does this girl attend for regular lessons? If so, someone should have noticed that she'll always need a weight carrier.

Could you phone her parents and ask for their permission to weigh her? Whilst on the phone highlight the importance of needing the correct weight for riding. Have you got a sturdy cob who can carry weight?

Can you swap her out of your group into another with a weight carrier?

At the end of the day, if she is going to be over 20% of the horses weight (including tack), she can't ride that horse. It's thankfully becoming more noticed at shows and events where people are being pulled up for being too heavy for their horses and eliminated. People are now starting to take their own health and weight into account for the wellbeing of their horse.

For future, I'd introduce a set of weighing scales and every time a new rider comes, they get weighed by the instructor whilst the paperwork is being completed and whilst parents are there. Also add something huge to website/social media etc to warn riders that this will now happen.

Well done for noticing this though and not just ignoring it!

We weigh the kids during their hat fitting but I could tell at a glance when she arrived that she was heavier than it said on her form. It's her first time here so couldn't check weight before she arrived and yes it does say on the website when you book that weight may be checked and you may not be able to ride but this is a 13 year old girl. She will be aware of her weight already, it will be so upsetting for her if she can't go.

Hack is now running late, I'm chatting absolute shit about Benji (the pony) looking lame and waiting for one of the liveries I'm friendly with to reply on whether I can use her horse.

She's been here a few hours already so I've already gone through most of my options in between teaching them to braid and they're currently blissfully unaware and stuffing haynets atm.

I can't wait and double up with someone else as its not fair to ask a horse to do 2 hacks back to back in this heat.

I have one option but he's a knobhead, spooky as fuck and she will be massively overhorsed.

I could take knobhead myself and give her my horse but I'm really a bit too heavy for knobhead and the one I'm riding is huge. On an epic scale. Big draft cross, 18.2hh and built like a tank. She's 5ft nothing and a beginner. He is sensible but can be strong. 😞

You've done all you can so sadly the girl can't ride today.

And you tell the mother (discreetly) why.

Poor girl though. I assume if you'd had her correct weight, you'd have been able to find her a horse? Make sure her mother knows that too.

I don't know anything about horses but you sound absolutely lovely - you've done all you can, kept the girl busy and shielded her from the reasons, and you've been really careful not to put her in danger. I don't think there's anything you can do sadly.

Well, I think it’s nice you’re being so kind and sensitive about this. I’m not surprised you’re irritated about not being given more notice on this (though I agree with a pp that it’s possible the mother is in denial rather than consciously lying), but I think this girl is lucky to have ended up with someone kind like you. Some of the riding teachers I had as a child would have gone into full body shaming mode. I hope your livery responds.

I agree with the other posters that you are showing a great deal kindness towards this girl whilst juggling the welfare of the ponies in your care. You've done all the right things. I hope they get a chance to ride but I feel sure they will have had a lovely day with you anyway.

Fuck my life. We swung it. It was an absolute shambles but we swung it. Really couldn't bring myself to leave her behind so we had to get creative.

Went back to talk to her and she was busy making Benji an extra deep bed. To cushion the hoof abcess that he doesn't have. Thought: Nope, can't do it.

So. I was supposed to be ponying the youngest, dc6 who had never ridden out of the school before on the quietest pony. I also had a 12 year old who is quite experienced and a 9 year old novice.

So I had dc12 on her own pony, stuck the 9 year old on the quietest one and sandwiched her in the middle, littlest one on a slightly sassier but tiny pony and had dc12 pony her along.

I went up to the far pasture (this bitch mother owes me big) and fetched my old partner in crime who taught me to ride. He retired 4 years ago and is no longer ridden but technically can be, there's nothing wrong with him, he's just getting old and creaky and deserves to retire.

Unfortunately he is now too fat for his tack. After discovering this, I briefly considered drowning myself in the rain butt but couldn't leave the minors unattended.

So I stuck her on my intended mount, James, the big fucker. We were quite a picture. My tubby arse riding bareback on a geriatric horse, ponying along a mountain of ginger outrage with slightly wobbly child on top, periodically swatting at him with a crop to stop him biting me. (He hates being ponyed, bites everyone in reach.)

Luckily Major Tom (old horse) wasn't too lively, he hadn't been ridden or even left the pasture for the best part of 3 years so I was slightly concerned about imminent death by horse eating carrier bags but he was actually fine. Slightly baffled at this turn of events but willing, keen and well behaved as ever. We were very late back but 🤷‍♀️.

Girl was chuffed to get to ride such a huge horse. No idea what I'm going to do tomorrow but don't want to say anything to the mum until after, in case she kicks off.

Bless your heart for sorting out that mess at such short notice, sounds like a huge stress that could have easily been avoided. I'm glad you were so tactful with the young girl

OP you're a lovely, tactful person and resourceful with it.

Can we see a pic of your older gentleman?
(that's a sentence I never thought I'd write on Mumsnet 🤣)

Goof on you for going out of your way to sort this for the girl. You need to have a word with this mother. It was obviously done intentionally, you could misgudge your child's weight by maybe a stone, but 3 stone? No.

Thanks for the laugh, excellent description of your nightmare and well done for sorting it all out and being kind to the 13 year old. Major Tom must have been a bit surprised to find himself back in service!

We need photos of all of them though - Knobhead, Big James, the outraged orange and the chubby elderly gent. They all sound adorable, even the bitey one.

The angelic Major Tom, saviour of the day.

Well done, you sound lovely - as does Major Tom.