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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I don’t want to do an escape room.

202 replies

Owt · 20/06/2025 23:18

Partner wants me to go to an escape room with him. I don’t want to go as I am claustrophobic. This does not mean I am awkward, I went to Paris with my daughter and I enjoyed that and no I do not speak French but I did German at school and can still remember some of that. Anxiety can sometimes appear as awkward behaviour. I do suffer with some anxiety but that is possibly connected to claustrophobia.

OP posts:
Wishimaywishimight · 21/06/2025 08:13

How did speaking german help you in Paris??

FleurDeFleur · 21/06/2025 08:14

Wishimaywishimight · 21/06/2025 08:13

How did speaking german help you in Paris??

I think she was just making a point about being ok in Paris and not familiar with the language.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 21/06/2025 08:16

Owt · 21/06/2025 08:02

I mentioned that I didn’t speak French incase people assumed I spoke French - which I don’t. I do speak some German.
obviously I’m not suggesting the French speak German but they do tend to speak some English which makes them bilingual - although not all of them.
When I was in Italy I was mistaken for being German on more than one occasion. I actually don’t speak that much German but there was a lot of Germans there and a lot of Italians speak German making them bilingual. On the flip side, a lot of Germans speak English.

🤣🤣🤣

ForZanyAquaViewer · 21/06/2025 08:18

Owt · 21/06/2025 08:04

My ex husband but he had poor communication skills.

I mean, yours aren’t great, OP.

What does your current partner asking you to do an escape room have to do with your ex husband?

Why can’t you just say ‘no, thanks’ and your partner go with someone else?

Why is this thread so mad?! 🤣

ToffeePennie · 21/06/2025 08:20

First and foremost:
you are never actually locked in, and if you start to panic or anything, you can literally look up at the cameras and give a hand signal (for the ones local to me it’s a wave, but I’ve been to one where it was a T shape with your hands - for a Timeout) and step out of the door.
I once did an escape room with my Grandmother, who has claustrophobia and wasn’t very mobile. She sat in a special chair they bought in just for her, and the person running our room popped a cuppa through the door for her every 15 mins, which was kind.
So it really is in your hands, Op, you can choose to go, speak to the staff, tell the game runners that you are claustrophobic and worried and they will all be so kind, or you can choose to just not go.
I will say, I am semi-addicted to them now and everywhere I visit, I try to find an escape room to do as it turns out I love solving puzzles!

Saysayonara · 21/06/2025 08:20

It's not unreasonable to not want to do it. You don't have to do everything he suggests, and you don't have to justify why you don't want to.

GreyRocker · 21/06/2025 08:20

ouch321 · 20/06/2025 23:35

Wish people would read their posts before hitting Submit to ensure that they actually make sense to anyone besides themselves.

Wish people would read their posts slagging people off before hitting Submit to ensure they aren't being an arsehole.

Butchyrestingface · 21/06/2025 08:23

This thread has the potential to be the 🎁 that keeps on giving.

So far we've had escape rooms, Paris, speaking German, Latin and Spanish, Catholic schools, Italians, and ex-husbands.

Has anyone found Shergar yet? 🐴🏇

FleurDeFleur · 21/06/2025 08:25

GreyRocker · 21/06/2025 08:20

Wish people would read their posts slagging people off before hitting Submit to ensure they aren't being an arsehole.

This, absolutely.

Melasma · 21/06/2025 08:26

Owt · 21/06/2025 08:02

I mentioned that I didn’t speak French incase people assumed I spoke French - which I don’t. I do speak some German.
obviously I’m not suggesting the French speak German but they do tend to speak some English which makes them bilingual - although not all of them.
When I was in Italy I was mistaken for being German on more than one occasion. I actually don’t speak that much German but there was a lot of Germans there and a lot of Italians speak German making them bilingual. On the flip side, a lot of Germans speak English.

OP is this thread about your language ability or an escape room? I’m also confused …. But to help…

They don’t lock escape rooms
I am claustrophobic and I found to fine
I also like Paris but sometimes speak German or go to a catholic school and learn Latin and I like roses, but not red roses and I like fluffy cats and I don’t like cheese and I’m glad I can speak some French when I’m in Germany.

Gettingbysomehow · 21/06/2025 08:27

I think it's always good to try a new thing even if it's only once. What's the worst that could happen? You .might have fun!
I hid .myself away in the house for some years after my divorce as I'm naturally reclusive, but then started going to things of interest locally and now have a lovely social life I wasn't expecting.

greencartbluecart · 21/06/2025 08:29

Is the escape room in Germany ?

PlayingDevilsAdvocateisinteresting · 21/06/2025 08:31

ouch321 · 20/06/2025 23:35

Wish people would read their posts before hitting Submit to ensure that they actually make sense to anyone besides themselves.

But if they make sense to the poster, how is going to read it again, or even 10 times, suddenly going to make it not make sense to them?

If you see what I mean? 😂

theresapossuminthekitchen · 21/06/2025 08:36

I am claustrophobic but I love escape rooms because I love puzzles. It’s just a room or a few rooms connected together and there are no locks on doors at any point (it’s a fire hazard - it would be illegal to lock you in). The rooms are sometimes relatively small and no windows, so if that bothers you in itself even if the door isn’t closed, then you won’t feel comfortable (sort of like being in a storeroom or walk-in wardrobe, rather than a normal room in a house). That doesn’t bother me, as long as the door isn’t locked, so I don’t mind - though there is a caving escape room that I refuse to do because they specifically mention claustrophobia and I think it involves crawling through some parts and I can’t cope with that (or at least it causes me sufficient stress that I won’t enjoy the escape room).

Basically, if you think you’d like solving puzzles then don’t be put off just by a fear of claustrophobia. Equally, if you just don’t want to do it you shouldn’t have to!

Limehawkmoth · 21/06/2025 08:37

The other thing op, is that it’s not just one small room…at least not in ones ive been to.
they’re domestic size rooms, like size of a small lounge or double bedroom , often connected …like a one way system where you move form room to room as you solve each bit…but there is always a way out to go back out way you made you’re way through. they’re comms speakers to ask for help at any time and get out of rooms by other doors along the way. I know that you can go backwards, as I’ve needed to “escape back” for the loo on one occasion after too much wine before and us taking way too long to solve 🤣🤣🤣, I did re-enter after that bio break. They can’t actually lock anything without a second exit route you can just walk out of, becuase of fire risk.

It doesn’t feel like anything more than being in someone’s home and walking form room to room, albeit no windows..but that’s no different than being in someone’s house at night with curtains drawn ..and some very weird decoration you wouldn’t get in domestic home. I think it feels less confining than a small cinema screen as it’s not pitch dark.

I’ve done escape rooms as team building stuff both in USA and uk, and rooms are always big enough for 6-8 people to be moving round in a bit of a frenzy of chaotic problem solving …certainly we weren’t on top of each other or feeling penned in…often there has to be room to lay stuff out or empty boxes etc ..so quite a bit of room

whilst I don’t have claustrophobia , I do get very sensory overloaded in crowded or tight places…places like one of those sports shops where everything was black and stock piled high and blaring music and lots of people trying to squeeze round each other…have to walk out of there … so I sort of understand

but having been a few times escape rooms are not what they sound, you’re not in a tight space trying to escape to get “out” …it’s just a series of puzzle rooms to let you get the final combo to get through the official exit door and stop the timer…more a race against time than a “I’m stuck here and can’t get out” . I guess “puzzle rooms” doesn’t have same marketing buzz as “escape room” 🤷‍♀️

if I were you I’d give it a go. Talk to your staff member before you go “in” and tell them you may need to exit due to claustrophobia, they’ll have been in that situation before and have a plan for you..literally it’ll take around 1 min to exit if needed. It usually takes teams ~ 40 mins to complete so they’ll be chairs etc to wait outside the rooms whilst they finish off. Take a book!

PonyPatter44 · 21/06/2025 08:41

I like escape rooms even though I'm not the best at puzzles. I've got Latin A Level, if that helps. I cant abide mussels, though, and rooibos tea makes my tongue feel weird.

Owt · 21/06/2025 08:44

Thalia31 · 21/06/2025 07:11

Not to be rude, but have you been tested for ADHD or autism? Based on your replies, it seems you may not grasp the content of the conversation.

I am registered disabled but not for adhd. I have a 2:1 degree. A lot of autistic people are very intelligent such as Elon Musk. Autism is linked to ADHD although not always.

OP posts:
Missanimosity · 21/06/2025 08:46

OP don,t do anything you are not comfortable with. "No, thank you" is a full sentence. Don't justify yourself, don't overthink it.

FleurDeFleur · 21/06/2025 08:46

Owt · 21/06/2025 08:44

I am registered disabled but not for adhd. I have a 2:1 degree. A lot of autistic people are very intelligent such as Elon Musk. Autism is linked to ADHD although not always.

I wonder if it's best just to end this thread now, because there's quite a bit of negativity. Ask MN, say you have the information you need.
Best of luck.

Lovemycat2023 · 21/06/2025 08:56

What about suggesting one of the open air ones OP? They are a bit more like a treasure hunt but you do solve clues etc, and I can suggest some if that’s helpful.

TheSquashyHatofMrGnosspelius · 21/06/2025 09:04

ouch321 · 20/06/2025 23:35

Wish people would read their posts before hitting Submit to ensure that they actually make sense to anyone besides themselves.

100% My brain has failed at this one.

snowmichael · 21/06/2025 09:18

My claustrophobic gf, who also has social anxiety said "No" when I suggested it
I arranged to go with a friend instead
She came along 'just to see what it was about' and the lovely person there took her round a currently empty room, explained how things worked, and assured her that the doors were not actually locked
She also gave her a sample of the puzzles to take away
She then decided she would try it, on the understanding that at any time she would just walk out if it was stressing her, to which I obviously agreed
We went to a different one, closer to her, and while it will never be her favourite thing to do, she mostly enjoyed it, mostly was too busy with the puzzles to worry about being in a small(ish) room, and mostly no stress - although the time element was bothering her towards the end

So

I would suggest you take a trip to the Room site that he wants to go to - without him, explain your anxiety, and ask them to show you around
If you still know that it would trigger your anxiety, then at least you KNOW that, rather than just fear it

Also, where are you?
In the summer, lots of companies do outdoors 'escape walks', maybe you could do one of those with your partner?

Or you could try these?
www.mysteryguides.co.uk
Self-paced mystery walks, all outdoors

Rewis · 21/06/2025 09:25

The doors are actually not locked. There are different types of rooms. In some one perosn might be "tied' to a chair. Some a very small. Some a very big. Some you have to crawl. Some you are just standing up. Some are horror, some are mysteries some are child friendly. Do your research of the room.cBut if you think it isnt something you enjoy, then dont do it. It isn't exactly a must have experience. I personally like them but they are so expensive that we only do it once a year. Partner can do it with someone else.

Wildywondrous · 21/06/2025 09:35

How about a vr escape room?
A lot of places do them now, you'd be in a normal, open, room but wearing a headset so you feel immersed.
If you start to feel claustrophobic just lift your headset and you'll instantly be back in reality and see you aren't locked in anywhere.

StrongasSixpence · 21/06/2025 09:49

Some will be fine. Some not. I've done a few horror ones that you would likely hate.

One I was taken in before my friend and chained to a fake electric chair inside a locked cupboard so we had to get me out as the first step. Don't do one like that.

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