Finally spoke to the neighbours..WIU?

[reallyrelieved]

Feeling quite relieved but now wondering if I was U…?
We live in a detached bungalow with 2 DC under 5. Our neighbours are lovely people but before we moved in they had spent years living next to an old guy who it sounds like barely moved.

My DS aged 5’s window is opposite their kitchen door. They have their door open all day and evening until, at this time of year, about 10pm, with a TV on loud and a phone which rings very very loudly. The phone does a tune like it’s played in a piano type thing. You would hear the phone ringing down the street. They are obviously a bit deaf but my son said it wakes him up when his little window is open and this has been the case for 4 years now since we moved in. I have often wondered why they can’t close the door over, knowing he’s a few feet away, and open the windows (facing the other direction at the back of the kitchen).

Today, I mentioned it to the man, I just came up with the courage when we saw him out front, I loathe complaining and get very nervous doing so, but I feel sooooo relieved to have got this off my chest. I feel now they will just keep us in mind a bit more and that they have hopefully gone from a bit inconsiderate, to a bit more considerate neighbours.

Only issue is, DH didn’t want to say anything, he is also a non-complainer in life, and so now I’m wondering if I was U? Am I being too nice here?

YABU for waiting 4 years!!!!

Yes, way too nice.

Fuck me, I'd have mentioned it after 4 minutes. You have the patience of a saint

I would've mentioned this in a polite, friendly manner 4 years ago.

I don't know what it is with so many people nowadays, or why they get tied up in so many knots over very basic human communication.

I can only guess it's something to do with the rise of texting and emailing etc.

It makes people think talking is unusual.

Not U to have mentioned it. But, as someone who can't stand any possible confrontation I would have been exactly the same as you, and also waited four years whilst cursing my weakness.

I think a lot of people can't handle someone "challenging" them politely over something, no matter how reasonable it is, and they can get very nasty.

You want them to keep the door closed in this weather? I think YABU.

There’s nothing wrong with politely asking somebody to keep the noise down, and it’s much better to do it right at the start rather than when you’ve become thoroughly resentful and might not be so polite about it. Most people are perfectly nice and just don’t realise. I was incredibly grateful when our neighbour came to nicely tell me that she could hear me making increasingly frustrated song requests to Alexa through the wall when it was late at night and I was a bit drunk. And I was incredibly apologetic because, yup, I can see how that shit would be incredibly irritating. I gave her a pot plant to make up for it, and I gave Alexa away.

I would be more like your husband in this situation.

I don't think you can really say anything about having the door open and normal sounds (unless the TV and phone is loud stereo kind of volume).

There’s been a development this morning. We were leaving the house to go out and neighbour came out to say he’d turned the phone volume down, like that was the problem sorted. The problem is still very much there because of the door open.
I mentioned my DS listening to their TV and conversations right by his window. The man said he doesn’t want to close the door because it’s hot. I said what about the 2 large windows at the back, and that’s how we keep the kitchen cool without having the side door wide open late. He said he will try.
AIBU to ask them to close the door?

Most people don't leave their doors open do they? Unless they are french doors/folds etc.
Windows yes but I never leave my front or kitchen door wide open.

Yes, YABU to ask them to close their doors to their own doors. Why should they have to live in stuffy, hot conditions just in case you have to hear their phone ring?

If they were inconsiderate neighbours they wouldn’t have turned the phone volume down but they did. They have hearing difficulties. You can’t expect them to live in isolation just so that you don’t have to hear neighbour noise during normal hours.

YABU, when it is hot, having doors/windows open on the opposite side of the house is the best way to cool down.

YABU for waiting 4 years to mention it

YABU for not working out a better solution for where your DS sleeps

YABU for the dig at them being older and possibly deafer than they were. That is normal aging, god forbid it may happen to you.

You would not be unreasonable to ask them politely, next time it happens, not to talk right ouside his window.

I think in this heatwave they can have their doors open.

Do they close when the weather's rainy/cold? If so then I think you have to put up with it during hot spells.

They're not really doing anything wrong, the house set up sounds terrible and why attached bungalows really aren't for family living like this. Surely you thought of this scenario when you bought the property / had a child.

They've tried to be accommodating but it sounds like you want them to boil themselves and sit mute from when your son goes to sleep?.

Swap rooms around.

CF, you not them.

It’s just their complete lack of awareness that a little boy is in the bedroom right near where they’re making a load of noise that bothers me.

The door is open all day and evening usually for about 3/4 months of the year. I don’t expect them to close their door all the time but I just wanted a bit of recognition that we are living very closely to them and that it has become an issue for us with DS waking up.

He’s made an effort with the phone volume but there’s still the output from the tv and volume of the conversations. Your suggestion of them closing the door and opening other windows hasn’t been openly rejected but it is a stretch OP.
Can’t you implement something like using a fan or AC before bed time then closing the window and opening your child’s door into your bungalow in this heat? You know, you keep the noise down too?
Compromise. Invite them round for a chat and try to reach a collective solution.

Surely they only need to close the door at DS's bedtime - so they can keep in open for most of the day?

Our NDNs children played loudly in the garden at 8am (which at weekends woke us up or compelled us to close windows) while they insisted we crept around from 6pm not to wake up their charges.
We complied!
Can you see similarities here OP?

I absolutely don’t expect them to close the door during the day. Just the evening when DS is sleeping. We have the exact same house as them and we don’t need our kitchen door open all evening, there are 2 large windows at the back, which face the garden and keep the room cool.
Yea it is very hot at the moment but I don’t see how an open door is a must when you have 2 large windows to open. If I could understand it then I would be able to justify them waking my son but I can’t justify it unless I’m missing something?

Have you tried white noise and a silent fan for your dc so you don’t need to have there window open

I think you'll find the majority of people do. We never leave the front door open because the dog would escape but all the others open into the garden so why on earth wouldn't we?

Why can’t you shut your son’s window and give him a fan instead?

It is not up to you to decide which windows in their house they should use. You don’t need to understand the reasons for their preference, same as they don’t need to understand your preference for which room your son sleeps in with the window open. This is just one of those things where you have to rub along.