Finally spoke to the neighbours..WIU?

[reallyrelieved]

Feeling quite relieved but now wondering if I was U…?
We live in a detached bungalow with 2 DC under 5. Our neighbours are lovely people but before we moved in they had spent years living next to an old guy who it sounds like barely moved.

My DS aged 5’s window is opposite their kitchen door. They have their door open all day and evening until, at this time of year, about 10pm, with a TV on loud and a phone which rings very very loudly. The phone does a tune like it’s played in a piano type thing. You would hear the phone ringing down the street. They are obviously a bit deaf but my son said it wakes him up when his little window is open and this has been the case for 4 years now since we moved in. I have often wondered why they can’t close the door over, knowing he’s a few feet away, and open the windows (facing the other direction at the back of the kitchen).

Today, I mentioned it to the man, I just came up with the courage when we saw him out front, I loathe complaining and get very nervous doing so, but I feel sooooo relieved to have got this off my chest. I feel now they will just keep us in mind a bit more and that they have hopefully gone from a bit inconsiderate, to a bit more considerate neighbours.

Only issue is, DH didn’t want to say anything, he is also a non-complainer in life, and so now I’m wondering if I was U? Am I being too nice here?

Have you posted about this before? I swear there was an almost identical thread a few weeks ago

Do you not have a trampoline or baseball hoop that DS could spent the day using?

If you can't beat them, join them.

Oh, and i sympathise that it takes courage to ask. When I finally pointed out to my 40+ bellend neighbour that my garden is exactly that, a privately owned garden and not a free dog park for him enter at will to kick footballs around rather than walk his dog in the more traditional sense, I was met with a barrage of abuse as apparently I dont use my garden anyway 🤣. He must have thought DH spends an hour every week cutting the grass just for his benefit, I refer you back to bellend....

Yes.

I think you are being a bit unreasonable. I live in a detached bungalow and the kitchen doors line up with next doors has your bungalow, or has theirs? been changed around as it's incredibly poor design to have a bedroom window that close to a kitchen door? Our kitchen door is open from 7am til we go to bed and I'd laugh if my neighbour told me off tbh. The phone thing fine you're right but you can't ask/tell someone to shut their door

To summarise, what are you doing to solve this issue?
Bugger all.
The majority of replies are calling you out OP.
The more you protest the more unreasonable you seem.

When I was a child we weren't allowed to make a lot of noise in the garden in the evening because there were babies and young children across the road. That has stayed with me, to be considerate to others. If I was your neighbour I would be quiet around your child's window just because it's the right thing to do. It seems strange to leave a door open anyway, if they have windows they can open.

Our back door is open all the time for about 5 months of the year. It opens into the kitchen. Opening other windows doesn’t cool the house as much as having the door open. Opening windows in the evening in the rooms we are in means insects coming in (we have a mosquito door on the back door). If you were my neighbour and took 4 years to say something then quite honestly I would ignore you, it can’t be that bad if it’s taken so long for you to mention it. Why does your son’s comfort trump my comfort?

Shut the window in your child’s room,you cannot expect other people to alter their lifestyle for a 5year old!

not my front door but I have got 3 lots of garden doors (kitchen, lounge dining room, garden wraps around house) and today they are all open.

Why should they close their door when you have your DS window open. Closing either would be unpleasant in this weather so YABVU.

They are obviously a bit deaf but my son said it wakes him up when his little window is open

Close his little window then.

Are you really saying that you think you have the right to dictate when your neighbours have their door open? Just because you are happy with having your windows open, maybe they have a reason they prefer the door open?
Sorry, but, respectfully, your child's bedtime is not their problem!
I'd be furious if my neighbour tried to tell me what to do just to make their life easier!

To be fair to them they sound like they must be suffering from hearing loss. And if the older resident was never in that room they might not have had a clue it was so intrusive.

So YABU for not saying it the first time it happend.

My kitchen door is open all summer so that the dogs can potter in and out as they choose. The only time it’s closed is if it’s raining or we’ve got the heating on.
I would get your son a fan, our youngest is a fairly light sleeper but goes to bed at 7.30, I can’t keep his window open because of the usual comings and goings of neighbours etc but we’re in a terrace.
You’re detached and struggling so the most sensible thing to do is to provide your child with a sound proof cool enough room to cater for his need, not ask your neighbour to to adjust their day to day living carried out within expected times ie 7am-10.00pm

You are so BU. Having a phone ring and a tv playing, a bit loudly/annoyingly? An occupational hazard of living with neighbours - and reading other threads here, your neighbours seem unremarkable. Move your son to a different room or close his windows or do some soundproofing. Don't impose your into,erances on others going about their business

Get him some ear buds like flares to sleep in, my DD can't tolerate any noise and sometimes even wears her noise cancelling headphones in bed

Also, thinking about it, your neighbours seem to want to do something to help, just not close their door. Afterall, they've already reduced the sound of the phone, for you.
Where we live, we have an ice cream van that comes around at about 7-7.30pm most evenings with chimes playing incredibly loudly. I would imagine this must really annoy for those parents who have put children to bed at that time, but, unfortunately, this is just something that happens in the summer and you have to get used to it.
Maybe get a tall fan (or even a ceiling fan) to put in your son's room, so the window doesn't necessarily need to be open.

So if you have a 1year old who wakes often you might as well put them in that bedroom? Honestly you're being so unreasonable trying to dictate when they have their door open and to use windows instead.

I’d quit while you’re ahead. They turned down the phone volume. I think if you ask for more you’ll be pushing it. I’d thank them very much and get a big fan for DS.

Totally agree!

I feel quite sorry for your neighbours, tbh. Sounds like it has really worried them. If these issues were so important, why didn’t you speak up sooner? It’s a nerve to tell them what windows they should be opening. They shouldn’t have to change how they live to accommodate you OP, that seems very unfair.

Yes, YABU to ask them to close the door. I assume they tolerate your noise too, particularly with little kids.

You can ask them to be more mindful of noise however you are entirely unreasonable to think you can police when they have their door open. Shut your sons window??

OP, do you have any idea how entitled you sound? Close the window and get a fan or air conditioning unit.
My back door is open from first thing until last thing if I'm in.
I take it your children are silent, never shout scream, cry, talk loudly, giggle, laugh, play with noisy toys etc. They never disturb anyone in the vicinity?
To be honest you don't seem to be suited to living near other people. Maybe you should think about moving to somewhere with more space between neighbours.

I think you are being a bit unreasonable here. You want them to close their door to enable you to keep your son’s window open. Why do your needs trump theirs? They are elderly & opening a door is way easier than leaning over counters to open/close windows.
If they still woke him through a closed window, then it’s fair to ask them.
Shut your child’s window, put up a thermal blackout blind, keep door & blind closed during the day so room doesn’t get warm, small air con unit or fan for further comfort!
This is a problem easily solved yourself without asking your neighbour to change how they live.