To wonder if it’s rude to ask how old someone is?

[theydidreallywell]

DD(4) is constantly asking people how old they are. I’ve been told it’s rude and to stop her, it hadn’t really occurred to me it was rude but wondering if it actually is.

Yes, it's impolite.

She’s a child, it’s harmless. I don’t know why as a society we are so hung on up ages, it’s a privilege to get older.

If someone didn’t want to answer they could just say any random number. A child isn’t going to know

To adults I'd say it is rude. Though most would laugh it off coming from a four year old. For children to ask eachother's ages I think is common and fine.

I'd say probably the older the person, the more intrusive or rude it might seem.

Some younger men from different cultures sometimes ask my mum her age. She doesn't like it at all! No women ever ask it.

of course it’s rude.

Wouldn't bother me

Not from a four-year-old.

There’s a stage I remember from DS where children are fascinated between the lack of correlation between size and age. They’re so used to the perception that an eight-year-old is ‘naturally’ bigger than a four-year-old, that they’re confused about and interested in a forty-year-old not necessarily being bigger than a twenty-year-old. My now-teenager was still fascinated by growing bigger than his small grandmother.

People tend to ask small children how old they are as friendly topic of conversation but it’s deemed rude as an adult. Your child is probably mimicking adults who may ask her how old she is as an acceptable conversation starter.

Personally I don’t find it rude at any age to ask me, I’m not precious about it. Adults are perfectly capable of using their words and saying if they find a line of questioning uncomfortable, you can’t be expected to go through life remembering all the different and niche ways people may get offended

It is regarded as rude - but it shouldn't be, it's both a signal and driver of society's ageism. In my view we need to remove the taboo around this question, no one should be ashamed or embarrassed about their age whether old or young. Telling children it's rude to ask someone's age, particularly an older person's age, is telling them that age is something to be ashamed of.

As a rule, if a random adult asked how old you are, most would find it a bit rude.

A child asking - not rude as they dont know - but as we are bringing our kids up to fit into society it's best to teach them from the start we don't ask strangers their age. IMO obvs.

Otherwise it's one more thing they suddenly can't do as they get older. Which is confusing for them i think.

I think it’s ok when 4 year old’s do it but not generally. That said I wish I had nipped it in the bud as my son still asks people and then when they tell him anything over 50 says “wow that’s so old”

My grandmother had a nice reply (I'm sure it was already in circulation) to 6 year old NoVibrato: "I'm as old as my tongue and a little older than my teeth."

I don't mind being asked especially from a 4 year old. I might be a bit miffed if a man asked me.

Same applies about money. It's rude to outright ask about a persons income. Theres no real reason, we just don't.

Rightly or wrongly.

Personally i don't like the idea of using my kids to be some kind of trailblazer, freely asking questions making people uncomfortable. I myself wouldn't ask, so i teach my kids the same as i do 🧐

My DD does this. Especially in the run up to her birthday. She’s asking so she can tell the other person “I’m going to be X in two weeks time!!” And then tell them about her party and invite them. She “invited” about 50 random people this year lol. Anyone who gets pressed about a 4 year old asking how old they are needs to give their head a wobble. You can also… just lie. My kids only know my mum isn’t 21 because they know I’m 26… so she’s now told them she’s 30 and they just accept it.

Once she’s a little older maybe explain that people don’t like it, but really it’s not that big of a deal. Since she’s 4 she probably won’t understand why it’s rude or why people don’t like it.

Don't stop her - part of the charm and innocence of young children is them saying and asking things that adults wouldn't! She's interested and exploring the world and people around her and developing an understanding of different ages and stages of life - you wouldn't want to suppress that. I know it's not the norm for adults to ask how old you are but honestly it wouldn't bother me at all if I was asked!

I think a 4yo is going to do it and no one will be offended, but yes, it's definitely something that is considered rude and she needs to be taught not to in the same way she learns everything else about good manners.

Really impolite. Something small children need to learn asap. It’s not charming just because they’re young and inquisitive. And I say that as the mum of a child who once (when 3) said ‘why are you so FAT?’ to a cashier. 😳

no of course not

but MN has a very long list of what is considered rude that most people do not give a second thought about

I am with @NoVibrato and have heard that reply a few times from my own grandmother, although we knew how old she was.
On the other hand, fine with anyone under 25 asking me how old I am. Family over that age actually know how old I am.

I’ve honestly never heard that asking someone their age is rude, whether you’re a child or an adult. How bizarre that some people think it is.

What do each of your poll options mean?

I think asking someone's age is not good.

It’s impolite. Adults do it too.

It's rude for an adult to ask another adult how old they are.

I wouldn't be offended by a 4 year old asking me because they are very young and are learning what is socially acceptable. But equally, I wouldn't want to tell them.

At some point, you'll need to tell her that we don't usually ask people how old they are because it's personal information which not everyone wants to share.

If you don't tell her now, how much longer are you planning on leaving it?

It depends how you were brought up. I was brought up to understand that asking people personal questions was impolite. I would explain that to a 4 year old.