AIBU to think this is out of line

[ElatedBee]

Neighbour asked to keep my children’s “screaming down” at 5:20pm when they were playing in a paddling pool in our garden on a very hot day. Reason given that they were working with open windows due to heat and it was loud. To me it sounds like a them problem, not a me problem, and the entitlement that they feel to request something of me in this instance is out of line.

For specific context, my son (3) was having a play date with another boy of same age that started at about 4pm in our garden, in the paddling pool. My daughter (6) joined around 4:45pm after school. She initially became very upset when she saw the two boys playing because she felt that she missed out on fun pool time and it wasn’t fair, but she calmed down in a few minutes. All three children were playing happily with me and the other mum supervising. Then my children had a fight about pouring water on the slide to make it slippery, when the daughter growled at the son and he growled back at her, at which point I had to intervene and de-escalate. Then they played merrily again until 5:30pm when the play date ended and my daughter went inside. This is to say that it was all very usual children’s behaviour. The only thing I could do to reduce the noise level is not have them out in the pool, but indoors.

AIBU to think that it’s out of line asking someone to subdue their children who are in their own garden on a hot summer’s day after 4pm?

Yanbu, it's just life with windows open during a heat wave, children are just as entitled to use their garden. Equally, it's fine for him to ask. To keep the peace I'd say "it's tricky isn't it with the weather and all the windows open, sorry you felt disturbed by them. I'll ask them to ensure no screaming but given the lovely weather they will be in the garden in the afternoons enjoying the paddling pool, so you might want to take that into consideration when planning where to work from if you have the choice"
We let out our annexe on air bnb, I loudly and deliberately asked the kids to keep shouting to a minimum and our current guests immediately text me to say "we love hearing kids enjoying the summer, please let them be as loud as they want". I think it's a bit of give and take, if your neighbour sense you're taking his situation into account, he shouldn't mind normal kid noise. It's no different than adults with music on or a bbq going - people of all ages are entitled to use their gardens.

This.

i live to hear the kids playing, even shouting to each other is fine. But screaming & shrieking needs to be stopped with the threat of being taken inside if they can't control themselves.

im not talking about shrieking/screaming if they get sprayed with cold water
or something. But the incessant shrieking/screaming that has started in recent years.

neighbours over the back fence (unfortunately not a long garden) have a pool & a trampoline )and a big garden/house) & several kids. they are very sociable people with loads of friends/family that are always there. All year around, but obviously as soon as it's no longer Baltic it's very busy. Once this nice weather starts it's like living beside a Lido with a pub!!

sometimes I'd like to be able to remove my ears & put them in the fridge!! But mostly it's just nice to hear them so clearly enjoying themselves!!

there's one kid that's there quite a little though who is a squealing little whinge pot! Nooooo. Dint... I want it <dcream> muuummmmm mummmm mummm <scream>. That one I'd put in the bin with the lid firmly closed! B

I guess WFH is more prevalent now since COVID but it is a choice so if there other people enjoying their gardens and having fun then choose to go back to the office or buy headphones that protect from noise. Lots of people cannot and never have WFH because they work/look after people or make things in workplaces etc.

Kids playing fairly noisily in their own garden on a hot summer's day - fine.
Kids in garden constantly screaming - not fine.

So it depends which it was, really! There's always a line about what constitutes being considerate to your neighbours and to an extent that does depend on what they find tolerable. I find my neighbours annoying sometimes but would never complain about it because I'm probably annoying sometimes too.

I have neighbours with kids of similar age. They are very social and most weekend the kids have friends around. There is a fair bit of screaming and shouting but it would only bother me if it was sustained screaming - which would annoy anyone and any parent too so they’d probably tell the kid to stop. I think it’s totally unreasonable to expect normal child noise to stop just because they are wfh. It’s quiet all day til after school.

That all sounds totally fine!! 😊

it's the actual screaming (like who can scream the loudest competitions) I can't stand. I mean in my particular case it's on the street out front & kids 'roaming' out on their own who could easily go to the park (on their same road, but away from the front windows of houses!! If they'd been taught some decent manners!

Normal rambunctious playing noise is absolutely no issue; constant screaming and shrieking on the other hand is a nightmare. Some kids just screech constantly and they need to be reined in.
Came across a grandparent laughing and encouraging their grandchildren to squeal and scream while filming them in Costco the other week. There was absolutely no need for it, was neither the time nor the place and they seem completely oblivious to the fact everyone else had to endure it. Same goes for the annoying adults that start squealing at the drop of a hat.

I live next to a park/dog field, it can get very noisy in the summer. Children playing, laughing and running around I love to hear, screaming kids and parents shouting unable to control their kids is a different ball game. We wfh in and outside weather dependant, I've only ever had to say something twice in all the years we've been here. Kids doing kids stuff is normal. I've actually heard some brilliant teen gossip when they are all sat under the trees next our boundary lol.

I don't think you've read all of the OP's posts.

I work from home almost exclusively - I’m an usually in confidential meetings so my door is closed

if I’m doing admin I have the doors open and if kids are playing that’s normal house hold activities!

you can’t work from home and expect everyone around you to act like they’re in the office!

I have a small USB desk fan - he should invest in one if he’s hot - or go to an air conditioned office!

I think it was Mrs Charles Wesley who stated that in a well run house no one was aware that there were children. She had a Victorian brood of about 9.
How one would do it without abuse, and many threats of hellfire, I haven’t a clue.
Smile sweetly and say that you’ll try to keep the noise down, but “ you know how it is” and just carry on. I expect the neighbours are feeling tetchy because of the heat and perhaps would not have said anything otherwise.
Is there anywhere else you can conveniently locate the pool?
Personally, I Love the sound of happy children and I don’t think I’m unusual.

Perfect

Mrs Charles Wesley sounds my kind of woman 😂

WfH 100%.

Keep home office windows closed as otherwise risk of neighbours hearing me with risk of breach of confidentiality.

It’s a them problem. Our neighbour had air conditioning added to her garden home office after a summer of DS (then 2) playing normally when we moved in. She quite rightly had a word with me once when a friend’s DD was shrieking.

Utter nonsense.
Kids make noise.
Their playgrounds are getting smaller and their playtimes shorter at school.
There's less and less public space available for them in many cities and they are criticised when using it.
Now they're policed in their own gardens.
And people are surprised there's an obesity epidemic?
The neighbours need to suck it up or move. Kids make noise, that's that.

(And before you slate mine in the abstract, they are naturally pretty quiet kids, we are a quiet family. But not everyone is. And kids should not be expected to act like mini adults.)

Also, people working from home is up to them, but homes aren't offices and neighbours shouldn't be expected to act as if they are. Your job is your problem.

People saying kids shouldn’t squeal or shriek when playing are talking nonsense. OP, you’ve just described most evenings in my garden this week. Crack on, you’re fine.

We don't have kids and I think your neighbours are dicks. Were they never young?

It’s the screaming and shrieking that will annoy your neighbors not the laughing and splashing around. My mum taught us not to scream unless we were in danger.

I agree with most that you can’t expect silence and an absence of normal household noise if you decide to wfh. Wfh is a choice (I do it myself - hybrid) and a home is not an office. If you want guaranteed quite wfh is not for you, unless you live in the middle of nowhere.

There is such a thing as excessive screaming from kids I think - and what jumps out at me is that his complaint was hours in to the pool use. So not like he jumped to complain instantly. Some kids do scream excessively and that’s something neighbours don’t have to expect.

Playing - fine. Screaming and whining - nope

Was it screaming or normal (and totally acceptable) garden noise?

People work in proper offices for a reason. If it was just general outside noise, that's definitely a them problem. There have been times on a WFH day when neighbours have been having noisy work done and my options were go somewhere else quiet (like the library) or ignore it!

YABU

Children should be taught NOT to scream - unless there is something very wrong. It's really difficult hearing DC scream because we're all programmed as humans to respond immediately to the noise of a scream. It's a survival instinct.

So teach your DC to play noisily, but not to scream.

Your neighbour is reasonable to have her window open on a hot day just as much as your DC are reasonable to play in a paddling pool. But screaming - unless there's real danger - is just not on.

You're out there supervising & intervening asap when necessary-what more can you do?

My neighbour's kids are constantly calling to their parents to no response.

One will do a fake cry when the other doesn't do as requested.

Grrr!